Tag Archives: Set free

Addiction Is A Family Disease

You might be wondering, is that really true? I assure you it is.

See an addict can’t be an addict without help. There’s people in their lives that keep that merry go round going.

There’s the enabler, who wants to “Help” and “Fix” and they think if I was a good enough spouse, friend, sister, brother, etc. then they wouldn’t be like this. I NEED to help them get on track.

One of the first things I learned in Alanon (a meeting for people who have a loved one or friend with a drinking problem) is The 3 C’s.

I didn’t cause it

I can’t cure it,

I can’t control it.

Sweet one, maybe you need to hear that today!

An addiction doesn’t have to be just alcohol or drugs, there are many forms of addiction….food, sex, shopping, pornography, cutting, working, exercise, video games, TV, etc.

I love the example Henry Cloud uses in Changes That Heal, about a dad and his 2 sons. (I have paraphrased this story.) So the Dad is meeting with Henry and says “I need you to fix my son.” So Henry looks to the son sitting there and says “What’s going on, how can I help you?” The son says “No, it’s not me, it’s my brother.” He says “Well where is your brother?” “He’s not here” says the brother. Henry says “Well where is he? And what’s his problem?” The dad answers “He’s flunked out of 3 colleges and he smokes pot.” Henry is puzzled by this and asked “How do you even do that? I understand how you flunk out of one, but how do you get in the 2nd and 3rd one?”

The dad answers “Well, I’m on the board of multiple colleges. The first time he flunked out there was to much partying in the dorm so I bought him a condo, gave him enough money so he could just focus on studying and not work and he still flunked out.” Henry says “Darn those kids!” Love his humor🤣

I’m already chuckling at this point because I see where this is leading too…..

The dad is the great enabler!

Henry asked “Where is your son today?” Dad says, “He’s not here.” Henry says, “I know he’s not here but where might gps find him?”

The dad says “He’s in Vale…skiing.”

Now I ask you, does this sound like the kid who has any problems to you? Not to me.

At this point Henry says, “Sir I’m a psychologist and I help people. I don’t think I can help your son. He doesn’t have any problems. He’s got all the money he needs, a free place to live AND he’s on vacation. He doesn’t have any problems.” Now the dads is confused and getting miffed, saying “Oh yes he does!”

Henry says, “You on the other hand I can help.” The dad is like “I don’t have any problems.” Henry says “Yes you do, you have owned all your sons problems. But I can help you, help your son have some problems.”

I just love that! The dad was busy helping and enabling all his sons issues. The son has had no consequences and has absolutely no reason to change.

Do you have someone like this in your life?

How are you coping?

Are you owning all their mess?

Still trying to fix them?

Learning boundaries is the most amazing and absolutely FREEING thing I’ve ever done.

We all need them, addictions or not. You could have a family member with untreated mental illness. I can relate to this one on such a personal level. A certain family member of mine, has untreated mental illness and ever since I can remember I was always helping, fixing, and rescuing them. Until the last couple of years, I was so burn out. Exhausted! Stressed to the max!

Every time my phone rang I and I saw it was them calling….anxiety would set in quickly! I never had anxiety before. You never knew what was on the other end of the line. Crying hysterically, mad, complaining about their life or someone in it, or the high manic side where everything is beautiful, wonderful, and full of rainbows 🌈 and unicorns 🦄

This was simply ingenious, I gave them a certain ringtone so I would know it was them calling me and at that moment I could decide am I in a place where I can talk to this person? Or do I need to let it go to voicemail and talk later? That simple thing, was life changing for me.

See sweet friend, it’s not your job to fix someone else. You and I are not Holy Ghost Jr. they have a Savior just like you do and that’s his job to work in their lives and change what needs to be changed.

However, we do have a part to do too and that’s to stop 🛑 helping and rescuing them. Let that loved one feel the consequences of their own actions.

If you have a person in your life and they are not taking responsibility for themselves, they don’t have a job or keep losing jobs and now they want to move in with you again….you keep forking out money to “help” and “rescue” them. That’s not helping them be responsible.

They don’t have a car and they want to keep using yours.

You could be taking up the slack for someone with things they need to do but choose not too….but you say to yourself “Well someone has to do it” and so you do it. But now your full of bitterness and resentment when what you needed to do is let them figure it out and you do what your supposed to do.

Or maybe they don’t have groceries or gas because they spent their money on frivolous things and they can’t buy groceries or get gas for the car they’re borrowing from you….but they’ll play on your emotions and say “if you love me then you’d give me the money that I need.”

This sounds ridiculous but it happens every day my friend….you are not helping them.

Sure there is a time when everyone needs help but when you see it becomes a pattern and it keeps repeating itself over and over and over again, YOU are now contributing to the problem and staying on that merry go round. They have no desire to do any different because you continue to fix there issues.

If they are addicted to alcohol, don’t buy it for them. Simply say, “I love you but I’m no longer going to contribute to this, from now on you can buy your own alcohol.” This one, I had to do with someone.

When that person calls you with drama and chaos, things they want YOU to fix….simply 🛑 and say I’m sorry, I can’t do that for you. Tell them you love them and I’m praying for you but you need to figure out this for yourself.

Look, I’m not gonna sit here and tell you this is easy to do because the truth is I have felt like my guts were being ripped out, nauseous to the point of throwing up. It’s hard as Hades and that’s NO JOKE! But it’s necessary for your own health and well-being.

God gave me this verse a few years ago and maybe it will help you too.

EXODUS‬ ‭18:17-18‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “The thing that you are doing is not good. You will certainly wear out both yourself and these people who are with you, because the task is too heavy for you [to bear]; you cannot do it alone.”

We were never meant to carry these burdens alone sweet friend.

‭‭Thoughts to ponder:

Who might you be enabling?

What are you carrying that doesn’t belong to you?

Have you been rescuing people?

What can you do let people in your life feel the consequences of their own actions?

How does that make you feel to even think about doing that?

Ohhhh, I’ll answer that for you, it will FEEL WRONG AND AWFUL! But just because it FEELS WRONG, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

You have to keep doing the next right thing and that “feeling” will catch up with you, eventually.

CHANGE IS HARD but it is a necessary part of life.

You can suffer the pain of change or suffer remaining the way you are.” Joyce Meyer

That’ll preach! That’s a word for someone.

So my friend just start setting small boundaries, those lead to big victories.

Pray about it, it may take you a while to do it and that’s perfectly fine. I’ve been there too. But you’ve got this, you can do it!

I pray God will give you the wisdom and courage to do what’s best for you and your family, setting those boundaries that brings peace to your heart and mind and FREEDOM to your life!

Have a blessed and wonderful day!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

You Matter In This World

Hey you, Yes YOU!! Just in case you need this sweet reminder. I’m here to tell you “You matter in this world!”

God don’t make no junk. YOU ARE HIS BEAUTIFUL MASTERPIECE! Created in his image.

  • You have a unique roll to play, that only you can do.
  • You are chosen.
  • You born for such a time as this.
  • You are creative.
  • God won’t waste your pain.
  • You are full of the fruit of the Spirit.
  • You are an Influencer.
  • You are beautiful.
  • You are treasured.
  • You are strong.
  • You are an overcomer.
  • You are valuable.
  • You are the apple of His eye.
  • You are irreplaceable.
  • You are loved by God.
  • You are blessed.
  • You have purpose.
  • You are full of passion.
  • You are a difference maker.
  • You are never alone.
  • You are highly favored.
  • You are healed.
  • You are FREE.
  • You are restored.
  • You are redeemed.
  • You are courageous.

Simply put, you matter because God says YOU MATTER!

You may not be where you wanna be but you’re not where you use to be. You’re on your way, Amen!

Go out today and smile, encourage someone, and make a difference in your world.

God bless you sweet friend!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

He’s the Chain Breaker

Good morning sweet readers! Hope this finds you well.

Do you struggle with broken places in your life? Places that never seem to get better. If you’re like me you’ve tried to fix those areas instead of allowing God to do his thing in your lives. We say to ourselves I will allow God in this area and that area but “I got this area!”

What I’m learning is that when man tries to fix something that’s broken, it’s usually not as good as what God would do and there’s much struggle trying to accomplish. But when God gets a hold of it, watch out my friend! ALL THINGS BECOME NEW! He revives, He restores and makes things completely whole and new again, better than you could ever imagine. Give him your brokenness. Let him break the chains that bind you.

God wants you to walk in your destiny and all that He has for you.

We all have our issues no matter what they are, you are not alone in whatever it is you’re going through. He wants to heal and restore your family and marriage. He wants to heal you from that sickness or disease you’ve been struggling with for so long. That depression that seems so dark and hopeless, well He IS HOPE to the hopeless. You are never alone, He is always with you.

I don’t believe God causes these things in our life but I do believe he will sometimes allow them for a purpose. He will always use what the enemy meant to harm and destroy and use it for our good and use you to bless, encourage and help ease others suffering.

Oh and that unforgiveness that you so easily hold on to, give that to him as well. He wants to heal ALL your brokenness and break all the chains that bind you precious one.

“The LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” Isaiah 30:18

Let Him break the chains of addictions that have held you captive for so long. “If you need freedom or saving, He’s a prison-shaking Savior. If you’ve got chains, He’s a chain breaker.”

Don’t you forget…..God loves you precious one and wants great things for you!! He makes ALL things new, and will restore to you a double portion of what the enemy has tried to steal from you! He’s The Restorer to the broken and the Chain breaker to those who are bound.

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

He Makes All Things New

Don’t you just love butterflies? To me it’s a daily reminder that He makes all things new! God has been speaking this to my heart for quite some time. I see butterflies everywhere! In places they shouldn’t be and every time I see them it’s mostly 2’s. I just can’t help but smile. It reminds me of how much He loves us and how he is changing and transforming us every day more into his image and being set free from the things that have held us captive.

The butterfly is such a beautiful creature, but she doesn’t start out that way. She is transformed over time, like you and I. She starts as an egg, a larva (caterpillar), a cocoon and then into a magnificent beautiful butterfly.

That’s kind of how we are on our journey with God. We are being transformed more and more into his image every day. We go from glory to glory. Transformation can be very painful but it’s also worth it! God will never bring anything into your life if He can’t use it for your benefit and His glory! What the enemy meant for harm, God will use for your good.

God loves us too much to let us stay the same. So no matter where you are today or what you’re going through, he’s got you right in the palm of his hand. If you have a wayward child or a loved one, God sees and knows your heart and has heard your prayers. He sees each tear and says “I will restore to you what the enemy has taken. I will give you double for your trouble!”

If you’re sick in your body, HE MAKES ALLLLLL THINGS NEW! Every cell, every organ, every joint, muscle, ligaments, everything must come into the alignment with His word. You are the healed of the Lord! He makes all things new, you claim that for yourself. When you see and feel the symptoms of disease remember by His stripes you are healed and speak His word over your body.

If you are struggling in your marriage, God knows, He sees and he is transforming your spouse, your marriage every day. It may not look like it because transformation is hard, and it’s not easy and it takes time. Sometimes a really really long time! Hang in there precious one.

Letting go and letting God take care of it isn’t easy but He knows what it takes to bring the other person around.

HE BRINGS RESTORATION MY FRIEND!

He turns your morning into dancing. He takes your weeping and turns it into laughing. He takes your sadness and turns it into joy.

So keep your eyes focused on him instead of your problems or situations, I know it’s difficult I’ve been there myself but keep your faith strong.

We have to stir ourselves up sometimes. We walk by faith and not by sight. So be expectant! Get up everyday expecting today is the day!! My breakthrough is coming today! I’m expecting God to do something great today! He makes all things new precious one!

God had you in mind when He created you. He knew what you would do before you did and yet He still created you and loves you with an everlasting love. You are perfect in His sight, you are His Trophy of Grace!

Love and hugs,
Nicole💗

That Girl Was Me….

The story I’m about to share with you is about a girl I once knew. This girl was young and was full of shame for things another person had done to her when she was younger. She didn’t know it wasn’t her fault, she thought she deserved it. She had fear of rejection. She was raised in alcoholism. She felt she could never measure up. She was the perfect enabler and always sought approval from others. That girl was ME! There was a time in my life, a very dark time where I struggled with severe depression. The enemy would whisper in my ear and I believed the lies he said;

“Your not good enough.”

“No one will ever want you.”

“No one would miss me if I was gone.”

See at the time I was young and the things going on around me seemed unbearable and never ending. I was full of shame. I felt unloved, unwanted, that I could never measure up to what people wanted, and I felt not good enough. I was tired and just didn’t know what to do or how to handle it any more.

I was hanging with people that weren’t a good influence on me and not making good choices. I was staying with a friend, she was pregnant, unmarried, and we were just “having fun.” I was having problems with my boyfriend who by the way was awful to me but not having a stable father figure in my life I didn’t know any better.

I was also dealing with issues from my moms marriage, feeling overwhelmed to fix things that I couldn’t fix. Her husband would tell me awful things you should never say to anyone. Things like;

“You’re a slut.”

“You’ll never amount to anything.”

“No one would will ever want you.”

I loved him and I know in his own way he loved me but he was emotionally abusive and was an alcoholic. No one knew what was going on behind closed doors. We often put on the air that everything is perfect in our lives when in reality we are dying on the inside.

Let me just say that the devil is a liar!! He came to steal, kill, and destroy! He wants you to believe nothing will ever change, you’re to far gone, that you’ll never be able to measure up and that your better off dead. But thats not the case precious one. LIES! LIES! LIES! Do not be deceived by the whispers in your ear. God has great and mighty plan for your life, a hope and future but no one was speaking this over me or in my life.

One night I was all alone in my friends apartment, I felt as if my whole world was caving in on me. I felt unloved, full of shame, unwanted and not good enough. I was just tired. Not sure I truly wanted to die, all I knew was I couldn’t live this way anymore. I just wanted the pain to stop! I was listening to the lies being whispered in my ear and that night as I drank a couple of wine coolers I decided I would end the pain by taking a bottle of pills, and so I did. The pain would stop and I would be free.

Shorty after I took them I knew I had made a terrible mistake and I called my friend and told her what I had done and thankfully as God would have it she wasn’t far from home. She came and rushed me to the emergency room. They had to call my mom and she came as well. I never thought of the pain I would have caused her I just wanted my pain to stop.

I’m so thankful to God for that day! That was the day God pulled me out of the miry pit I was in. He said “NO, precious daughter! Not today! My life didn’t turn around dramatically but He set me on the course I was to be on. I still had not turned my life fully over to God, He was my Savior but I was still in the drivers seat. Now I was in the hospital getting the counseling I so deeply needed, I felt like I was there forever but it truly changed my life and the course it would take.

Not to long after that I met Sean and we got married and had 3 beautiful daughters. My life wasn’t perfect but I was now letting go and letting God.

I want to fast forward a bit to a night a few years ago when I was a girls high school youth leader. The night seemed like any other night but it wasn’t going to be. This would be where God takes our mess and He gives us a message. That night a young girl showed up and come to find out she had taken an overdose of medication and me and another leader rushed her to the hospital.

I hadn’t thought about what I had done in so many years and now all those thoughts and feelings came flooding back and I knew exactly where this beautiful young girl was at. I didn’t know her and yet I did. Just as God said to me in the darkest time of my life “Not today precious one.” He said the same thing to her. It wasn’t her time.

God so perfectly orchestrated the whole thing, for her to come there and for me to be there.

We waited and waited for what seemed like forever, I couldn’t leave and go home though. I had to talk to her and hug her. I had to share my experience, strength and hope with her.

See what the devil meant to harm and destroy in my life God worked for good and hers on that very night. God made our paths cross on purpose. He had a plan and it was a perfect plan.

Whatever lies the devil has whispered to you, I want you to know first off….the devil is a liar. And secondly YOU ARE LOVED! God loves you so much, his love for you is never ending but right now you may feel like I did when I was 18 or like the young girl who came that night…..you just can’t see beyond the pain. If no one else will, let me be the one to speak life over you and tell you what God is saying to you:

My beloved son or daughter,

Wherever you are you are NOT alone. I am with you always, in the good times and bad. Call on My name, I will never leave you nor forsake you. I created you on purpose and I have great and mighty plans for your life, ones you can’t even imagine or dream. What the enemy meant to harm and destroy I WILL WORK FOR YOUR GOOD. You may not see it right away but if you trust Me, it will come to pass. I am for you not against you, and My Word cannot return void. I am no respecter of persons, what I do for one I will do for another. I know it feels like it but your pain won’t last forever. You are a child of the Most high God. I call you beloved, chosen, beautiful, holy, set free, redeemed, overcomer, vicTOR not a victim. You are the apple of my eye, my wonderful masterpiece. That’s who I say you are! Don’t listen to the whispers of the enemy.

This pain, this guilt or shame you carry was not meant for you. The load is to heavy precious one, give it all to Me, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light. I want to heal you every where you hurt. I know your searching and thirsty but search and thirst no more, because if you believe in Me rivers of living water flow over you.

I have seen your heartache and pain, it didn’t escape Me, I caught each tear you’ve cried in a bottle. Give me your broken heart and just see what I can do. Let Me redeem what the enemy has stolen from you. Let Me bring healing and restoration to the broken places of your life. I know you think it’s impossible but NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME! Trust and believe in Me, and expect Me to show up and show out. For I have loved you with everlasting love💗

Sincerely,

God

I know what it’s like to feel hopeless and alone, that’s why I think God has been helping me to be more vulnerable with the trials I’ve been threw. I never want my pain to be wasted, if I can just help 1 person than that makes it worth it all. Find someone you can share with and help you walk it out. What the enemy wants is for you to feel like you are all alone and no one knows where your coming from but I say that’s a lie straight from the pit of hell! You are NOT alone and as you find the strength to share your pain you’ll find others just like you. Now what was once hidden in the dark is now in the light and doesn’t have the same power as it once did.

Never give up precious one. God is with you always. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Keep pressing in trusting God to do a mighty work in your life. That pain you feel, that loss, that tragic thing that happened to you….God will use it for good in your life and you’ll be able to help someone else. You are a trophy of grace!

Be blessed and big hugs,

Nicole 💗

If you have thoughts of suicide call a friend, a pastor, a teacher, a doctor, find someone to talk to or call:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255