Good morning y’all! Hope you are doing well today. Do you do a Word Of The Year? I’ve been doing it for many years now and I love looking back to my words and the years and seeing how they fit, it always blows my mind.
This year after much prayer I’ve decided that COURAGEOUS is my word. Why did I choose it? Well, I’ll be honest there were many reasons why I choose it but manly because of one 4 letter word…..FEAR.
Fear has gripped me since I was a little child. I didn’t have what I would call a stable home life. It was one of chaos. Don’t get me wrong, I know my mom did the best she could with what she knew. But in her own ways she taught me to be fearful of so many things. Still to this day she tries to put her fears on me, only today I know better and don’t receive it. Over the years I have walked through many things and learned to “Do it afraid” but 2020 showed me there was still some fear in me that needed to be dealt with.
I refuse to live my life in fear.
God kept speaking to my heart Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be terrified or dismayed (intimidated), for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Fear is from the devil and the devil is a LIAR! It starts off as a little thought and before you know our emotions are all wrapped up i it and it becomes soooo strong and can actually overwhelm us. For some it cause panic attacks and others it can cause to shrink back. That’s why we have to be so careful with our emotions, they are fickle and ALWAYS CHANGING. We can’t be ruled by our emotions.
Proverbs 23:7 tells us that “as [a man] thinks in his heart, so is he“. I like what Joyce Meyer says: “Where the mind goes, the man follows.” That is so true. God wants us to walk by faith and the devil wants us to walk in paralyzing fear.
We have to meditate on the Word of God and renew our minds to be free from fear and be COURAGEOUS.
Ephesians 2:10 talks about how when we were born again we actually become recreated in Christ Jesus, [born anew] that we may do good works which God predestined…for us…[living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us to live] So let’s think about that for just a minute, if we are “recreated in Christ” whatever Jesus is…..we are too my friend. He is strong and IN HIMwe are strong.
1 John 4:17 says As He is so are we in this world.
You are all the things Jesus is.
So the why do we shrink back in fear? False. Evidence. Appearing. Real.
I think it’s because we look at ourselves and what we are not. We look at how far we have to go. We look at our circumstances and think NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE. And finally, I think listen to what others think or have said to us or about us. They try and put out our fire on the inside to make themselves feel better but COURAGE is acting against fear. Acting against the naysayers. Acting on what God says about YOU. Not letting fear control you.
Do It Afraid my friend.
Be Strong and Courageous.
How Can I Be Courageous?
1. Put a name to your fear. I learned in Alanon how to name my fear and do a Fear inventory. It’s actually an AA step but my Alanon sponsor used the AA Big Book with me as well. I may not have been an alcoholic or drink but I was raised in it and lived with it so of course you pick up the “ISMS”
2. Surrender. This may take doing over and over again. Nothing is wrong with that, often times we give it up and take it back. Give back to God again.
3. Speak God’s Promises over your life. His promises are YES! And AMEN!! And they are for YOU my friend.
4. Renew Your Mind. Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 2 Corinthians 10:5
So this year when those fearful thoughts come to my mind I will put a name to my fear. I will surrender. I will speak Gods promises over my life and keep renewing my mind.
I WILL BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS AND KICK FEAR TO THE CURB! And I hope you will do.
What is your Word Of The Year and why? I’d love to hear from you.
Hey y’all !! What’s up? What’s up? I haven’t been here in a while, lots going on in our neck of the woods. How about y’all?
My hubby is STILL working from home y’all! Prolly no plans to go back in the office till the first of the year.
My Daddy is in the process of moving here so we are trying to find him a place and get him settled.
Had some close family members with some serious health and my grandmother past away about a month or so ago. No one was able to be with her and she died all alone and I think that just made it more difficult. There are some other things but I can’t share them. Just a difficult season here, which I know it is for many of you.
Had a lot on my mind as we’ve being going through all these different things. Add in my health issues and school, no alone time, being stuck at home 🤪 and the Rona I’ve found myself frozen at times, maybe you can relate to that.
Some of you know I’ve been in school to become a Holistic Health and Wellness practitioner which I’m so excited about this journey the Lord has had me on. It’s just taken me a little longer than I thought it would but it’s ok Imma get there. It’s ALL in Gods timing.
Extending grace to myself is so much harder than it is to do for someone else. I’ve had a lot going on around me and IN me. Some of you know I’ve struggled with ED…….eating disorder. Sometimes ED screams so loud and other days I feel victorious and it’s so quite. I’m in counseling with a nutritionist who is awesome but imma just say it’s hard work and it’s an every day battle.
A battle to NOT weigh myself everyday.
A battle to eat lunch or not eat lunch.
A battle to not restrict food.
A battle to not eat a bunch of cookies or a big cup of Cheeseballs.
It’s just a battle.
I know the battle belongs to the Lord but sometimes we’ve done things for so long they become ingrained in us and they become a habit and it is a process of overcoming.
So where am I at today? And this sooooo soooo important to recall these things.
I’m not where I wanna be but I’m not where I use to be either.
Well….I’m no longer abusing laxatives or diuretics. I haven’t done that in 2 years or more. That’s a big ole W!!! 🎉
There were days I would wake up and decide I’m not going to eat today and I wouldn’t. Now I’ve come to realize that restricting food was a form of punishment to myself. I can tell you that thought hasn’t crossed my mind in months, PRAISE THE LORD!! 🙏🙌🎉
I’m not weighing myself everyday. Y’all literally don’t even know what an amazing accomplishment this is. I would weigh myself everyday, sometimes 2-3 times a day. In order to do this though I had to remove the scale from the bathroom and outta my sight. The first week was so hard I almost got up in the middle of the night to weigh myself, I know it sounds crazy. But that’s ED for ya! I did really well for about 2 or 3 months and not even sure what happened but I decided to go to it’s deep dark hiding place and pulled that evil scale out and stepped on it. THAT WAS A BAD MISTAKE FOR ME! It set me over the top because I had actually gained a little weight. I got in all kinds of fear and old patterns started showing up. Imma do this, Imma do that. I’m not gonna eat this or that. Imma exercise for X amount. That’s ED behavior and it’s what I’m trying to overcome.
But here’s the thing, I’m finally allowing my body and metabolism to heal from all the dieting and self destructive behavior I’ve done to my body so that’s going to happen before it gets better. You can’t put your body through hell for years and years and expect it to perform a peak condition in just a few months. NO it took me a lifetime to get here. It’s a healing process kinda like how our hearts have to heal after being broken. I could just choose something quick and fast because so often quick and fast works, we see results but its temporary and we find ourselves right back in the same place 6 months or 2 years from now at least that’s been my experience. At this place in my life I’m choosing healing and finally getting to the root and freedom even if it takes me a lifetime.
So my whole purpose when the Lord lead me to my counselor, Hope who lead me to the nutritionist, Amie. I said to her I don’t want to lose weight…..well I mean the flesh part of me does but the inner man of me wants freedom and healing and to finally have a healthy relationship with food AND the scale AND love my body AND not curse it.
Far to long I’ve gained my worth and value over what I saw in the mirror and what number I saw on the scale. You may not be able to relate to that particularly. For you it might be how your house looks, the clothes your wear, your job or title, car you drive, your kids, neighborhood you live in, etc. At some point most of us at have tried to find our value in other things. I’m hear to tell you it will LEAVE YOU EMPTY and searching for more my friend!!
Only Jesus can feel that hole that we try so desperately to fill with other things.
Another BIG W 🎉 is I’m eating lunch almost every single day. I haven’t done that in yeeeaaaarrrssss y’all! That’s incredible! But let me tell you how scary that is. To add in eating lunch….a meal I haven’t ate in years AND NOT WEIGHING MYSELF. That’s straight up dope right there!! Lol 😂 But also sooo scary.
I’ve felt for so many years the Lord pull me to Health and Wellness Coaching and Holistic things because I’ve been through so much health wise and it’s always fascinated me.
It’s been my passion AND MY STRUGGLE.
Only GOD can turn, a MESS into a MESSAGE, a TEST into a TESTIMONY, a TRIAL into a TRIUMPH, a VICTIM into a VICTORY.
Let me ask you, do you know what your passionate about?
What causes you pain?
What has been your struggle?
Have you been suffering alone?
Let me just say that’s exactly what the enemy wants you to do is isolate yourself and make you feel all alone when in reality there are many others with the same struggles you have. You just need to find someone you can be vulnerable with, that’s why small groups are so important. Gotta get that plug in lol. We are better together!
This is what I can tell you, it may not make sense but what you’ve struggled with, what has caused you agonizing pain, what’s caused you to isolate is more than likely also something your passionate about and I’ll go even further to say that it could even be YOUR CALLING! Of course, only you know that. But very often that’s the case.
For me sometimes the voice of doubt and insecurity is so loud in my ears….Did God really tell you to do this Nicole? People want somebody who has it all together and knows their stuff. That’s what I tell myself but truth in my heart says, I want someone who’s been in the pit themselves and who knows exactly where I’ve been or where I’m at. I’m willing to bet that’s what you want too.
I read something today that so spoke to me because there are so many days as I go through this process that I feel unqualified and I feel like why on earth would someone ever listen to me I’m STILL STRUGGLING and quite honestly it may always be the “throne in my flesh” but I WILL continue on my journey of wholeness and freedom.
This was the devotion blog. “Currently, I’m in a season where anorexia is trying to win again. Let me share some truth with you. What ever battle you’re facing today, whether it’s comparison, doubt, pride, lust, self harm, fill in the blank ____. This does not define you! My eating disorder does not define me. It’s apart of my story and my story is still being written, Your story is still being written!”
This is as real as it gets right here folks. She’s STILL struggling and she’s STILL helping and encouraging people. I LOVE THAT SO MUCH! “It’s part of her story,” just like it’s part of MY STORY AND YOUR STORY. We don’t have to have it all together to help someone we just need to be willing and available.
What I hope and pray people see is the real me, the one who will sit down with you and take the mask off and say “Hey, this is my struggle too and precious friend you’re not alone.” This is me in my brokenness….my passion and my struggles!
I AM A TROPHY OF GRACE AND SO ARE YOU SWEET FRIEND!
Hey y’all! Hope you guys are doing well. Things have been hopping here. Hubby working from home also means home projects right. I swear that man can’t sit still for a second, then he sucks me in lol🤣
I thought I’d let you in on a secret…..lean in real close. I’M DIVORCING ED! There I said it!
Secrets out now.
No! ED is not my husband’s name. ED is someone who has been with me for too many years to count.
ED is the eating disorder I have struggled with for what seems like a lifetime but I’ve decided we are breaking up for good and getting a divorce! He doesn’t serve me well anymore, well he never really did, he was just how I coped.
Do you know ED too?
ED…..I.e. sin….took me further than I ever thought I’d go and kept me longer than I ever thought I’d stay.
I have been in counseling with a nutritionist who deals with eating disorders and Imma tell you how wonderful, hard and challenging it’s been.
My first experience with a nutritionist when I was finally ready to deal with ED didn’t go well. She would say things like “You need to only eat this or that.” or “If you drink that Dr. Pepper your only hurting yourself” Even better was the time I didn’t like one of the supplements she gave me, it was like horrible mud like substance you drank with a hint of mint🤣🤢🤮 she said “I guess you just don’t want to get well.” Are you kidding me?? Lady, I guilt myself enough I don’t need more guilt and condemnation or rules and regulations from you, that’s what got me here to start with. So needless to say that didn’t last long. I knew she wasn’t good for me. She was setting me up to fail. Inevitably I was gonna fail or make a mistake but failing wasn’t a bad thing nor did failing make me a failure….she was not teaching me that though. It’s all part of the process. Plus, she was not celebrating the small victories I was making.
This time Amie, my nutritionist now she is amazing! What a gift she is. She challenges me but also celebrates the small victories with me. The truth is if I eat 3 meals 1 day that’s amazing considering for many years I haven’t done that.
If I wake up and tell myself I’m not gonna eat today but then go through the process of talking to myself and on purpose choose to make the decision to eat regardless of what my feelings are saying, that’s another victory!
If I go 2 days and don’t weigh myself that’s another victory. I’ve gone 5 so far, 5 DAYS OF NOT WEIGHING MYSELF. That is nothing short of miracle to me.
I’m learning though if slip up it’s not the end of the world, just get back up and start all over. Being perfect is so overrated. Not that I ever was but it was something so engrained me and I learned to try not to rock the boat, be as perfect as you possibly can they will love and accept you THEN. How misguided I was.
What I look like, how I dress, the car I drive, the house I live in, or the job I have…none of that matters or has eternal purpose. Having a relationship with MY JESUS is what matters. That is what’s life changing and as I walk this out and I feel like I can’t do it anymore I cry out to Him one more time, and one more time, and one more time. He’s there waiting to pick me up, and sweet friend He’s there waiting for you. You have access to the King.
I mentioned to someone the other day I was seeing a nutritionist for my eating disorder and the first thing they asked was “Wow! How much weight have you lost?” I just thought to myself “Oh my word! What’s wrong with people?” That’s the whole problem. Weight, food, exercise, not eating, binging, the scale, all of it turned into idols. I’m not trying to lose weight, of course I’d like too I’m a woman lol but my main goal is to have a healthy relationship with food.
To not be afraid to eat this or that.
To not be afraid to eat 3 meals a day or a snack.
To eat lunch and not be afraid.
To not weigh myself everyday….I’ve been a slave to the scale for as long as I can remember.
Anyone relate to that? 🤣🤣🤣
That’s our culture though. We think if we lose enough weight or if we are the perfect size we will be happy and all of life will fall into place and we’ll have no problems. That’s simply not true. But if you watch the Jenny Craig commercials they’ll have you believe “Because of Jenny Craig, I’m a happier person, a happier mom, a happier wife. I’m more confident.” Well I was a size six and it didn’t change what was going on on the inside. Until the root is addressed you will repeat the cycle and that’s true for anything. I just hate the media plays on our emotions especially women, you are just not quite good enough….YET! Try this and maybe you will be. I’m tired of listening to the lies! THE devil IS A LIAR!
How about you try some Jesus instead of all the worldly things it has to offer. Sorry for my soapbox. Finding our worth and value from the mirror or the scale will never fulfill you.
But having a relationship with Jesus will.
Back on topic, lol, for me most days I would eat a small breakfast, never lunch, and eat dinner. Some days I wouldn’t eat at all, I would consciously make a decision to not eat today. Punish myself for the shame and guilt I carried of living with this secret, and other secrets and trauma from my childhood. I was also fearful of lots of foods that in moderation are actually healthy for you.
One of the things I’ve been working on is incorporating lunch into my schedule. I know, sounds simple but for someone with ED, not so simple. But I’ve done pretty well, not every day yet but 4-5 out of 7 I’d say. That’s HUGE! Even if it’s something small.
Progress not perfection.
My nutritionist asked me how I felt about not weighing myself everyday and did I think that was something I could start to work on. Immediately, tears streamed down my face and I said “ Yes, I will do it.” The scale and I have had a meeting together every morning for yeeaaarrs, sometimes weighing myself more than once a day. Despite how unhappy it made me, I still have always been drawn to it even though I knew it wasn’t helpful to me. So last week I hid it in the closet so I won’t see everyday lol. The first couple of days were really hard and I almost got up in the middle of the night to weigh myself. Crazy I know. But that’s the bond ED and I have. His clutches run deep. Have you ever experienced anything like this? It’s powerful, BUT MY GOD IS BIGGER.
I’m divorcing ED to have a relationship with me, to get to know me and a deeper relationship with my Savior. To get my voice back instead of shoving things further down. I’m overcoming the misguided self. To heal the proper way from past hurts and trauma. It’s hard work and it may take a long time and it may be painful but I’m up for the job. I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me and so can you sweet friend.
Your struggle may not be ED, it may be drugs, alcohol, shopping, pornography, or something else, we all have something. I urge you to give it completely over to the Lord. Press in and contend for your freedom. He will set your shackles free. FREEDOM IS THERE FOR THE TAKING. You are a new creation IN CHRIST. What the enemy meant to harm and destroy God will work for your good.
NOTHING AND I MEAN NOTHING IS TOO BIG FOR HIM!!
I have worked on this blog for 2-3 days and was set to release today but after I watched our church service this morning I was simply blown away again by my God. How he loves me (you) so much, and how he confirms what he’s placed on my heart to share. I’m even more certain of what He wants for me.
I will tell of the mercy of the Lord and proclaim the great things He has done for me and continues to do.
The Misguided Self- Life With ED and My Broken Past (click below)
Psalm 139:14 I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well.
Song of Solomon 4:7 My darling, everything about you is beautiful, and there is nothing at all wrong with you.
Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.
Romans 14:17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.
Romans 12:1 Brothers and sisters, in view of all we have just shared about God’s compassion, I encourage you to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, dedicated to God and pleasing to him. This kind of worship is appropriate for you.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Don’t you know that your body is a temple that belongs to the Holy Spirit? The Holy Spirit, whom you received from God, lives in you. You don’t belong to yourselves. You were bought for a price. So bring glory to God in the way you use your body.
Psalm 145:18 The Lord is near all who call out to Him, all who call out to Him with integrity.Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.
1 Corinthians 10:13 The only temptations that you have are the same temptations that all people have. But you can trust God. He will not let you be tempted more than you can bear. But when you are tempted, God will also give you a way to escape that temptation. Then you will be able to endure it.
Romans 8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.
Zephaniah 3:17 For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Psalm 29:11 The Lord will give strength to his people; the Lord will bless his people with peace.
Psalm 147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
How I Need You- Highlands Worship
You fashioned me, formed my heart, Searched my soul, and know every thought Love so great, but never too far Through the storm, You’re the calm, every war, You’ve already won Life’s secure in Your loving armsJesus, Jesus, oh, how I need You You stay the same, You are good in Your ways Jesus, Jesus, oh, how I need You You are enough, all my trust is in You, LordYou are powerful, God above it all I believe in You, I believe in You You do miracles, the impossible I believe in You, Jesus
See I’m contending for my freedom from ED every day and renewing my mind. What are you contending for? Would love to hear from you.
Hey y’all! Hope you had a great week last week. Ours was busy but in a good way. I had lots of homework, test, small group stuff, house to clean which is somehow a mess again🙈😐 We met our new foster grands. They are simply precious, just melt your heart💗💙
Recently, I’ve been thinking about how often our brokenness can keep us stuck at the place of our pain. The place where our pain first began. I’m only speaking for myself but I personally have struggled with this at times. Maybe you have too?
I’m so thankful at how God has brought me through so many dark places in my life and I’m seeing victory and freedom and then there are still some areas where I’m not there….YET. It’s that thorn of the flesh so to speak. But, it continues to draw me closer to God and that is a great thing.
I may not be there YET and you might not be there YET….but we are not where we use to be and that’s news worth shouting! 🙌🏻🙌🏻 Freedom is there for the taking we just have to continue to walk it out, walk through some things…..let go of some things, to get to what’s already been placed INSIDE OF US. He’s already placed everything we need on the inside of us. Isn’t that awesome?!?!
For me, the brokenness I’m referring to in my life is from someone who hurt me years ago but sometimes the wound can still be so fresh. Different sounds, smells, situations can bring that memory flooding back to me and each time I have choose to forgive. See forgiveness isn’t a feeling, because if I’m honest in the past I’ve been like “Lord get em, drop large boulder and some hot coals on them, make them suffer like they’ve hurt me.” Now I know that’s not Christian like but that’s the hurt and human side of me and it’s just me being real. But my God says to forgive and forgiveness is a choice and one we have to continue to make over and over again. I’ve found eventually over time, and it might take a long time but our feelings will catch up and that person, that event, or situation won’t feel the same anymore.
Circling back to the getting stuck at the point of our pain I spoke of at the beginning. See I’ve been there and it’s a dark place. But sometimes when your stuck there you need someone to come to where your at, sit with you, hold you, and cry with you. There’s healing in those tears. There’s healing when a friend or loved one comes to that dark place your at and their willing to be with you and lift you up. It might even be the person that made you get stuck at the point of your pain. What a beautiful thing I think that is but sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s a friend/loved one you’ve confided in or its Jesus….our Savior. He comes to our rescue if you call on Him.
He loved me at my darkest. He came to the pit I was in and called me out. He took off my grave clothes and He gave me a new name. He’ll do the same for you too.
See when I felt unworthy and unlovable, He told me He loved me with an everlasting love.
When I felt ugly and unwanted, He called me cherished, beautiful and accepted.
When I felt shame and guilt for what had been done to me, He told me I have been redeemed and set free. I am a new creature in Christ. I am chosen, holy and blameless before God. I am Gods masterpiece, the apple of His eye.
Maybe you need to hear that today. You are beautiful, treasured, cherished, fearfully and wonderfully made, precious in His sight. You are loved with an everlasting love and nothing you can do can separate you from the love of God. YOU….precious one are chosen, holy, and dearly loved! THAT IS WHO YOU ARE! Make no mistake.
God bless you! Have a blessed and wonderful week. If I can pray for somehow please let me know, I’d be honored to do so.
I Won’t Move Life.Church Worship
When my eyes cannot see it’s your voice that’s leading me, out of darkness into light. It’s your love breaking through the night I won’t move until you soeak….You Break the walls apart. You heal the wounded heart, I won’t move until you speak. You calm the raging sea. You crush the enemy. I won’t move until you speak💗
Hey y’all! How is your year going so far? We are in the middle of 21 days of prayer. It’s Ahhhmazzing! Believing God for many things this year.
What are you believing God for this year?
Healing is my word for this year. Do you have one? If so what is it? I’d love to hear from you.
Joy was my word last year. So funny how God knows exactly what we need when we need it. Last year was an extremely difficult year for me. God knew JOY was what I would. He knew the things I was going to go through were going to be difficult and I would need strength in order to persevere. I needed to find JOY amidst the trials.
The JOY of the Lord is our strength.
I needed JOY to keep going and get through every day.
As I said, healing is my word this year for several reasons. Some I’ll share and some are private.
One is, I need physical healing in my body from multiple things.
But I also need healing from this eating disorder I’ve struggled with for so many years. I’ve been set free from using the diuretics and laxatives everyday, praise God! That is a miracle in itself 🙏🏻🙌🏻 But I still have my daily struggles. He’s not done with me yet and he’s not done with you either sweet friend. He’s been delivering me from glory to glory but I’m ready to be COMPLETELY FREE! COMPLETELY HEALED! Maybe that’s you too!
There are relationships in my life that need healing…Ones that I can’t do anything about.
Loved ones who need Jesus.
Loved ones who are sick and need healing.
Loved ones who are making wrong choices.
Loved ones who are heartbroken.
Loved ones who just need a miracle.
Relationships that need restoration.
Ones that only God can fix it.
One thing I know though is that nothing is to big for my God and nothing is impossible for Him!
He’s the God of the IMPOSSIBLE.
He’s the WAYMAKER!
Verse of the Year:
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. Psalm 103:2-5
God bless you sweet friends and if you need prayer, I would be honored to pray for you. Have a blessed and wonderful day.
Song of the Year:
Even when I don’t see it, You’re working Even when I don’t feel it, You’re working You never stop, You never stop working You never stop, You never stop working
Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper
Light in the darkness, my God
That is who You are
Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper
Light in the darkness, my God
That is who You are
You might be wondering, is that really true? I assure you it is.
See an addict can’t be an addict without help. There’s people in their lives that keep that merry go round going.
There’s the enabler, who wants to “Help” and “Fix” and they think if I was a good enough spouse, friend, sister, brother, etc. then they wouldn’t be like this. I NEED to help them get on track.
One of the first things I learned in Alanon (a meeting for people who have a loved one or friend with a drinking problem) is The 3 C’s.
I didn’t cause it
I can’t cure it,
I can’t control it.
Sweet one, maybe you need to hear that today!
An addiction doesn’t have to be just alcohol or drugs, there are many forms of addiction….food, sex, shopping, pornography, cutting, working, exercise, video games, TV, etc.
I love the example Henry Cloud uses in Changes That Heal, about a dad and his 2 sons. (I have paraphrased this story.) So the Dad is meeting with Henry and says “I need you to fix my son.” So Henry looks to the son sitting there and says “What’s going on, how can I help you?” The son says “No, it’s not me, it’s my brother.” He says “Well where is your brother?” “He’s not here” says the brother. Henry says “Well where is he? And what’s his problem?” The dad answers “He’s flunked out of 3 colleges and he smokes pot.” Henry is puzzled by this and asked “How do you even do that? I understand how you flunk out of one, but how do you get in the 2nd and 3rd one?”
The dad answers “Well, I’m on the board of multiple colleges. The first time he flunked out there was to much partying in the dorm so I bought him a condo, gave him enough money so he could just focus on studying and not work and he still flunked out.” Henry says “Darn those kids!” Love his humor🤣
I’m already chuckling at this point because I see where this is leading too…..
The dad is the great enabler!
Henry asked “Where is your son today?” Dad says, “He’s not here.” Henry says, “I know he’s not here but where might gps find him?”
The dad says “He’s in Vale…skiing.”
Now I ask you, does this sound like the kid who has any problems to you? Not to me.
At this point Henry says, “Sir I’m a psychologist and I help people. I don’t think I can help your son. He doesn’t have any problems. He’s got all the money he needs, a free place to live AND he’s on vacation. He doesn’t have any problems.” Now the dads is confused and getting miffed, saying “Oh yes he does!”
Henry says, “You on the other hand I can help.” The dad is like “I don’t have any problems.” Henry says “Yes you do, you have owned all your sons problems. But I can help you, help your son have some problems.”
I just love that! The dad was busy helping and enabling all his sons issues. The son has had no consequences and has absolutely no reason to change.
Do you have someone like this in your life?
How are you coping?
Are you owning all their mess?
Still trying to fix them?
Learning boundariesis the most amazing and absolutely FREEING thing I’ve ever done.
We all need them, addictions or not. You could have a family member with untreated mental illness. I can relate to this one on such a personal level. A certain family member of mine, has untreated mental illness and ever since I can remember I was always helping, fixing, and rescuing them. Until the last couple of years, I was so burn out. Exhausted! Stressed to the max!
Every time my phone rang I and I saw it was them calling….anxiety would set in quickly! I never had anxiety before. You never knew what was on the other end of the line. Crying hysterically, mad, complaining about their life or someone in it, or the high manic side where everything is beautiful, wonderful, and full of rainbows 🌈 and unicorns 🦄
This was simply ingenious, I gave them a certain ringtone so I would know it was them calling me and at that moment I could decide am I in a place where I can talk to this person? Or do I need to let it go to voicemail and talk later? That simple thing, was life changing for me.
See sweet friend, it’s not your job to fix someone else. You and I are not Holy Ghost Jr. they have a Savior just like you do and that’s his job to work in their lives and change what needs to be changed.
However, we do have a part to do too and that’s to stop 🛑 helping and rescuing them. Let that loved one feel the consequences of their own actions.
If you have a person in your life and they are not taking responsibility for themselves, they don’t have a job or keep losing jobs and now they want to move in with you again….you keep forking out money to “help” and “rescue” them. That’s not helping them be responsible.
They don’t have a car and they want to keep using yours.
You could be taking up the slack for someone with things they need to do but choose not too….but you say to yourself “Well someone has to do it” and so you do it. But now your full of bitterness and resentment when what you needed to do is let them figure it out and you do what your supposed to do.
Or maybe they don’t have groceries or gas because they spent their money on frivolous things and they can’t buy groceries or get gas for the car they’re borrowing from you….but they’ll play on your emotions and say “if you love me then you’d give me the money that I need.”
This sounds ridiculous but it happens every day my friend….you are not helping them.
Sure there is a time when everyone needs help but when you see it becomes a pattern and it keeps repeating itself over and over and over again, YOU are now contributing to the problem and staying on that merry go round. They have no desire to do any different because you continue to fix there issues.
If they are addicted to alcohol, don’t buy it for them. Simply say, “I love you but I’m no longer going to contribute to this, from now on you can buy your own alcohol.” This one, I had to do with someone.
When that person calls you with drama and chaos, things they want YOU to fix….simply 🛑 and say I’m sorry, I can’t do that for you. Tell them you love them and I’m praying for you but you need to figure out this for yourself.
Look, I’m not gonna sit here and tell you this is easy to do because the truth is I have felt like my guts were being ripped out, nauseous to the point of throwing up. It’s hard as Hades and that’s NO JOKE! But it’s necessary for your own health and well-being.
God gave me this verse a few years ago and maybe it will help you too.
EXODUS 18:17-18 AMP
“Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “The thing that you are doing is not good. You will certainly wear out both yourself and these people who are with you, because the task is too heavy for you [to bear]; you cannot do it alone.”
We were never meant to carry these burdens alone sweet friend.
Thoughts to ponder:
Who might you be enabling?
What are you carrying that doesn’t belong to you?
Have you been rescuing people?
What can you do let people in your life feel the consequences of their own actions?
How does that make you feel to even think about doing that?
Ohhhh, I’ll answer that for you, it will FEEL WRONG AND AWFUL! But just because it FEELS WRONG, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
You have to keep doing the next right thing and that “feeling” will catch up with you, eventually.
CHANGE IS HARD but it is a necessary part of life.
“You can suffer the pain of change or suffer remaining the way you are.” Joyce Meyer
That’ll preach! That’s a word for someone.
So my friend just start setting small boundaries, those lead to big victories.
Pray about it, it may take you a while to do it and that’s perfectly fine. I’ve been there too. But you’ve got this, you can do it!
I pray God will give you the wisdom and courage to do what’s best for you and your family, setting those boundaries that brings peace to your heart and mind and FREEDOM to your life!
Good morning sweet readers! Hope this finds you well.
Do you struggle with broken places in your life? Places that never seem to get better. If you’re like me you’ve tried to fix those areas instead of allowing God to do his thing in your lives. We say to ourselves I will allow God in this area and that area but “I got this area!”
What I’m learning is that when man tries to fix something that’s broken, it’s usually not as good as what God would do and there’s much struggle trying to accomplish. But when God gets a hold of it, watch out my friend! ALL THINGS BECOME NEW! He revives, He restores and makes things completely whole and new again, better than you could ever imagine. Give him your brokenness. Let him break the chains that bind you.
God wants you to walk in your destiny and all that He has for you.
We all have our issues no matter what they are, you are not alone in whatever it is you’re going through. He wants to heal and restore your family and marriage. He wants to heal you from that sickness or disease you’ve been struggling with for so long. That depression that seems so dark and hopeless, well He IS HOPE to the hopeless. You are never alone, He is always with you.
I don’t believe God causes these things in our life but I do believe he will sometimes allow them for a purpose. He will always use what the enemy meant to harm and destroy and use it for our good and use you to bless, encourage and help ease others suffering.
Oh and that unforgiveness that you so easily hold on to, give that to him as well. He wants to heal ALL your brokenness and break all the chains that bind you precious one.
“The LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” Isaiah 30:18
Let Him break the chains of addictions that have held you captive for so long. “If you need freedom or saving, He’s a prison-shaking Savior. If you’ve got chains, He’s a chain breaker.”
Don’t you forget…..God loves you precious one and wants great things for you!! He makes ALL things new, and will restore to you a double portion of what the enemy has tried to steal from you! He’s The Restorer to the broken and the Chain breaker to those who are bound.
Don’t you just love butterflies? To me it’s a daily reminder that He makes all things new! God has been speaking this to my heart for quite some time. I see butterflies everywhere! In places they shouldn’t be and every time I see them it’s mostly 2’s. I just can’t help but smile. It reminds me of how much He loves us and how he is changing and transforming us every day more into his image and being set free from the things that have held us captive.
The butterfly is such a beautiful creature, but she doesn’t start out that way. She is transformed over time, like you and I. She starts as an egg, a larva (caterpillar), a cocoon and then into a magnificent beautiful butterfly.
That’s kind of how we are on our journey with God. We are being transformed more and more into his image every day. We go from glory to glory. Transformation can be very painful but it’s also worth it! God will never bring anything into your life if He can’t use it for your benefit and His glory! What the enemy meant for harm, God will use for your good.
God loves us too much to let us stay the same. So no matter where you are today or what you’re going through, he’s got you right in the palm of his hand. If you have a wayward child or a loved one, God sees and knows your heart and has heard your prayers. He sees each tear and says “I will restore to you what the enemy has taken. I will give you double for your trouble!”
If you’re sick in your body, HE MAKES ALLLLLL THINGS NEW! Every cell, every organ, every joint, muscle, ligaments, everything must come into the alignment with His word. You are the healed of the Lord! He makes all things new, you claim that for yourself. When you see and feel the symptoms of disease remember by His stripes you are healed and speak His word over your body.
If you are struggling in your marriage, God knows, He sees and he is transforming your spouse, your marriage every day. It may not look like it because transformation is hard, and it’s not easy and it takes time. Sometimes a really really long time! Hang in there precious one.
Letting go and letting God take care of it isn’t easy but He knows what it takes to bring the other person around.
HE BRINGS RESTORATION MY FRIEND!
He turns your morning into dancing. He takes your weeping and turns it into laughing. He takes your sadness and turns it into joy.
So keep your eyes focused on him instead of your problems or situations, I know it’s difficult I’ve been there myself but keep your faith strong.
We have to stir ourselves up sometimes. We walk by faith and not by sight. So be expectant! Get up everyday expecting today is the day!! My breakthrough is coming today! I’m expecting God to do something great today! He makes all things new precious one!
God had you in mind when He created you. He knew what you would do before you did and yet He still created you and loves you with an everlasting love. You are perfect in His sight, you are His Trophy of Grace!
The story I’m about to share with you is about a girl I once knew. This girl was young and was full of shame for things another person had done to her when she was younger. She didn’t know it wasn’t her fault, she thought she deserved it. She had fear of rejection. She was raised in alcoholism. She felt she could never measure up. She was the perfect enabler and always sought approval from others. That girl was ME! There was a time in my life, a very dark time where I struggled with severe depression. The enemy would whisper in my ear and I believed the lies he said;
“Your not good enough.”
“No one will ever want you.”
“No one would miss me if I was gone.”
See at the time I was young and the things going on around me seemed unbearable and never ending. I was full of shame. I felt unloved, unwanted, that I could never measure up to what people wanted, and I felt not good enough. I was tired and just didn’t know what to do or how to handle it any more.
I was hanging with people that weren’t a good influence on me and not making good choices. I was staying with a friend, she was pregnant, unmarried, and we were just “having fun.” I was having problems with my boyfriend who by the way was awful to me but not having a stable father figure in my life I didn’t know any better.
I was also dealing with issues from my moms marriage, feeling overwhelmed to fix things that I couldn’t fix. Her husband would tell me awful things you should never say to anyone. Things like;
“You’re a slut.”
“You’ll never amount to anything.”
“No one would will ever want you.”
I loved him and I know in his own way he loved me but he was emotionally abusive and was an alcoholic. No one knew what was going on behind closed doors. We often put on the air that everything is perfect in our lives when in reality we are dying on the inside.
Let me just say that the devil is a liar!! He came to steal, kill, and destroy! He wants you to believe nothing will ever change, you’re to far gone, that you’ll never be able to measure up and that your better off dead. But thats not the case precious one. LIES! LIES! LIES! Do not be deceived by the whispers in your ear. God has great and mighty plan for your life, a hope and future but no one was speaking this over me or in my life.
One night I was all alone in my friends apartment, I felt as if my whole world was caving in on me. I felt unloved, full of shame, unwanted and not good enough. I was just tired. Not sure I truly wanted to die, all I knew was I couldn’t live this way anymore. I just wanted the pain to stop! I was listening to the lies being whispered in my ear and that night as I drank a couple of wine coolers I decided I would end the pain by taking a bottle of pills, and so I did. The pain would stop and I would be free.
Shorty after I took them I knew I had made a terrible mistake and I called my friend and told her what I had done and thankfully as God would have it she wasn’t far from home. She came and rushed me to the emergency room. They had to call my mom and she came as well. I never thought of the pain I would have caused her I just wanted my pain to stop.
I’m so thankful to God for that day! That was the day God pulled me out of the miry pit I was in. He said “NO, precious daughter! Not today! My life didn’t turn around dramatically but He set me on the course I was to be on. I still had not turned my life fully over to God, He was my Savior but I was still in the drivers seat. Now I was in the hospital getting the counseling I so deeply needed, I felt like I was there forever but it truly changed my life and the course it would take.
Not to long after that I met Sean and we got married and had 3 beautiful daughters. My life wasn’t perfect but I was now letting go and letting God.
I want to fast forward a bit to a night a few years ago when I was a girls high school youth leader. The night seemed like any other night but it wasn’t going to be. This would be where God takes our mess and He gives us a message. That night a young girl showed up and come to find out she had taken an overdose of medication and me and another leader rushed her to the hospital.
I hadn’t thought about what I had done in so many years and now all those thoughts and feelings came flooding back and I knew exactly where this beautiful young girl was at. I didn’t know her and yet I did. Just as God said to me in the darkest time of my life “Not today precious one.” He said the same thing to her. It wasn’t her time.
God so perfectly orchestrated the whole thing, for her to come there and for me to be there.
We waited and waited for what seemed like forever, I couldn’t leave and go home though. I had to talk to her and hug her. I had to share my experience, strength and hope with her.
See what the devil meant to harm and destroy in my life God worked for good and hers on that very night. God made our paths cross on purpose. He had a plan and it was a perfect plan.
Whatever lies the devil has whispered to you, I want you to know first off….the devil is a liar. And secondly YOU ARE LOVED! God loves you so much, his love for you is never ending but right now you may feel like I did when I was 18 or like the young girl who came that night…..you just can’t see beyond the pain. If no one else will, let me be the one to speak life over you and tell you what God is saying to you:
My beloved son or daughter,
Wherever you are you are NOT alone. I am with you always, in the good times and bad. Call on My name, I will never leave you nor forsake you. I created you on purpose and I have great and mighty plans for your life, ones you can’t even imagine or dream. What the enemy meant to harm and destroy I WILL WORK FOR YOUR GOOD. You may not see it right away but if you trust Me, it will come to pass. I am for you not against you, and My Word cannot return void. I am no respecter of persons, what I do for one I will do for another. I know it feels like it but your pain won’t last forever. You are a child of the Most high God. I call you beloved, chosen, beautiful, holy, set free, redeemed, overcomer, vicTOR not a victim. You are the apple of my eye, my wonderful masterpiece. That’s who I say you are! Don’t listen to the whispers of the enemy.
This pain, this guilt or shame you carry was not meant for you. The load is to heavy precious one, give it all to Me, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light. I want to heal you every where you hurt. I know your searching and thirsty but search and thirst no more, because if you believe in Me rivers of living water flow over you.
I have seen your heartache and pain, it didn’t escape Me, I caught each tear you’ve cried in a bottle. Give me your broken heart and just see what I can do. Let Me redeem what the enemy has stolen from you. Let Me bring healing and restoration to the broken places of your life. I know you think it’s impossible but NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME! Trust and believe in Me, and expect Me to show up and show out. For I have loved you with everlasting love💗
I know what it’s like to feel hopeless and alone, that’s why I think God has been helping me to be more vulnerable with the trials I’ve been threw. I never want my pain to be wasted, if I can just help 1 person than that makes it worth it all. Find someone you can share with and help you walk it out. What the enemy wants is for you to feel like you are all alone and no one knows where your coming from but I say that’s a lie straight from the pit of hell! You are NOT alone and as you find the strength to share your pain you’ll find others just like you. Now what was once hidden in the dark is now in the light and doesn’t have the same power as it once did.
Never give up precious one. God is with you always. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Keep pressing in trusting God to do a mighty work in your life. That pain you feel, that loss, that tragic thing that happened to you….God will use it for good in your life and you’ll be able to help someone else. You are a trophy of grace!
Be blessed and big hugs,
If you have thoughts of suicide call a friend, a pastor, a teacher, a doctor, find someone to talk to or call: