Tag Archives: Let go and let God

When You Have A Toxic Relationship With A Parent-Mother/Daughter

This is a subject close to my heart and yet it’s very painful and not something openly talked about. We live in world where where it’s portrayed that there is always good relationships between mother daughter (or parent/child) but sometimes the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. In this world there is brokenness, mental illness, addictions, and just evil. YES it’s sad. YES it’s traumatic. YES it is painful. But it’s still truth. It cannot be denied but it can be dealt with over time.

Sometimes you can do all the things and it’s jusy not enough. You can choose to forgive and turn the other cheek 70*7 like the Bible says and we should but you weren’t called to be a doormat or abused.

In our culture you often hear a parent can go no contact or even disown their child and it’s more acceptable. “Ohhh they were so horrible to their mother or father!” But if a child decides to go no contact with their parent you hear….”you only have one Mom or Dad. You’ll be sorry one day.” Let me just say you have no idea what someone has been through to even get to the point to make such a decision. It took years and years and years and many tears and prayers before I ever made such a decision. Knowing I’d be judged for doing so but also knowing I and my family would have more peace and less drama. People these days have opinions without knowing facts. They spew hurtful words and have no idea what you’ve been through and it’s like being traumatized all over again.

Yes, we are called to forgive. But continue in a toxic relationship in the same manner, NO! Absolutely not! Sometimes no amount of effort on your part or even prayer can heal a relationship with someone who is toxic and has no desire to do different. We don’t want to hear this but in my 51 years, THIS is my experience.

Yes my God is BIGGER than any situation, any circumstance and He can absolutely heal a broken, toxic relationship but BOTH parties have to want it not just one.

When only one party is doing all the work, often times that person is the one also enabling the relationship but may not realize it. This is where we pray “God open MY eyes to do MY part. Help me love how YOU would have me love THIS person and how it would best serve this person.”

What I have found in how to love a toxic, broken person best is sometimes from afar. Sometimes it’s letting them feel the consequences of their behavior. Sometimes they have to walk through their own decisions or trials by themselves simply because you will enable them and try to take away the pain they so desperately need to feel. Pain they’ve tried to escape or put on others. Let me just say upfront how excruciatingly painful this WILL BE sweet one. Letting someone come to grips of who they are, what they’ve done, who they’ve hurt isn’t always pretty and you will want to make them “feel better” but that’s helped keep it going in the first place. Allowing God to do what He needs to do in that persons life is what needs to happen.

Let go and let God.

Sometimes limiting contact or even going no contact is what has to happen. For me I have chosen no contact now for 6 months and it has been hardest most painful thing and yet God has done so much healing in me in this time. There maybe a time when we are reconciled but that isn’t up to me. For now, I’m doing what God has told me to do and focusing on allowing Him to heal those broken place from all the trauma I’ve been through. His desire is for us to be made whole and help others along the way and that’s what I plan to do.

See, you were meant to love, edify, and build up, the problem is relationships work both ways. But it may only be working in one direction. It takes two. In relationships, we care for one another and not tear each other down. We are even selfless at times.

In relationships you love, serve, and give instead of taking all the time or sucking the life out of people. But I have to insert a disclaimer here ****Yes we do all these things but NOT, I repeat NOT to the determinant of our own well-being or mental health. Some people are takers and will take advantage of you, so you have to watch out for this and do what’s best for you.

Don’t be afraid to set boundaries.

The word NO is good and it’s ok to use it. It will feel wrong when you start doing it but it’s OK!

Keep doing it.

Precious one, YOU must take care of yourself so you can be the best version of yourself for you and others.

I am so thankful to God for my healing journey. It’s been very hard and painful. Lots of hard work and I have a long way to go but I will get there. Despite my relationship with my mother, I didn’t have a very close relationship with my dad either but I have a great relationship with my 3 daughters. It is only by the grace of God because I didn’t have that roll model. But I did know how I didn’t want to be and that definitely served me. I know I didn’t do everything right and yes I made mistakes as a mother but God helped me be a better Mom because of what I went through. For that I am soooo thankful for. His grace is perfect and it’s there if you need it.

So let me say if this is you too….my heart goes out to every girl who’s mother isn’t their best friend, as they should be. My heart goes out to every girl who tries to have a healthy relationship with their mother, but can’t. My heart aches for any girl who wishes more than anything they could have a loving relationship with their mother, but no matter how much they try, it just doesn’t work. It’s difficult to understand how traumatic a toxic relationship between mother and daughter truly is, and my heart aches for anyone who’s been unlucky enough to say they understand. *Unknown

As I’m on my healing journey, I’m becoming more open and transparent about things from the past and I know God wants to heal that little girl in me that was so hurt and broken. If this is you my prayer for you is that you do the work sweet friend. Do the hard and painful work. Everyone runs from pain these days but I encourage you to run to the pain, sit with it, embrace it and allow God in to heal it. He has soooo much in store for you, things you can’t imagine. It’s gonna take time. It may take a long time but YOU ARE WORTH IT! You are worthy! You are enough and God loves YOU!!

Big hugs,

Nicole❤️

Joshua 1:9, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Letting Go Of Excess Baggage And Speaking Life To Your Dry Bones

Hey y’all! Hope all my TOG readers are doing great! Another beautiful hot day here in Bama.

So much has been going on in my heart lately, dealing with things and issues from my childhood, past, and present. Things that have made me who I am today. But I realize those things don’t have to keep me broken and stuck in the past. They may have had a hand in who I am but they DO NOT DEFINE ME!

In a counseling session this week, as we were going over my life timeline, and wow that’s a job let me just say. As she would repeat back to me my timeline and the things that have happened to me, I could hear it but it was hard to feel some of it. I don’t know if that makes sense or not? I’d think “Wow, yea that really did happen to me” “Oh and that too, and that too” but I’ve tried so hard in my life to shove things down and not feel the pain or emotions of life, maybe you can relate?

For me, if something happened you couldn’t talk about it….it may hurt a family member or make them angry….forget that it hurt you. That was the message I heard.

Then if you did, your feelings were wrong and not relative. So what does one do especially when you’re a child? Well, you quickly learn what’s acceptable and what’s not and then you learn to SHOVE DOWN EVERYTHING ELSE!

For me an eating disorder developed, it was something I could control, or so I thought.

I carried shame and guilt for things that had been done to me, and later things I had done. But it wasn’t mine to carry, neither is it yours sweet friend.

I have felt alone, numb, unworthy, unloved, unwanted, wrong, insecure, the list can go on and on. Maybe you feel those thing right now. You are not alone precious one, you are in good company. God is with you and He loves you at your darkest! He isn’t scared off by your brokenness, He is just waiting for you to invite Him in.

https://nikhop320.wordpress.com/2018/11/12/i-loved-you-at-your-darkest/

ARE YOU CARRYING THINGS IN YOUR LIFE THAT DON’T BELONG TO YOU?

  • Guilt.
  • Shame
  • Regret
  • Resentment/Unforgiveness
  • Habits/Addictions
  • Anger
  • Past Relationships
  • Stress
  • Worry
  • Anxiety
  • Fear

“And He caused me to pass round about among them, and behold , there were VERY many (human bones) in the open valley or plain, and behold, they were very dry. He said to me, Son of Man can these bones lives? And I answered O Lord God, You know!! Again He said to me, Prophesy to these dry bones and SAY to them, O you dry bones, HEAR THE WORD OF THE LORD. Ezekiel 37:2-4

As I’m on this journey of restoration with God, I’ve realized some things.

One, I’m not alone in this.

Two, I have to let go of the things (or people) I cannot change…I am powerless to fix it but My God is NOT! My God is BIGGER!

And three, the things that need changing, the dry places in my soul….I have to Let Go and Let God.

There’s No Way Around Pain…Feel It And Move Through It

Today, I can say I’m doing a new thing! I don’t always get it right, but thank God I’m not where I use to be.

Those dry places in my soul and in my life, I’m choosing to feel them, be more vulnerable, and speak life to them. You can do the same thing my friend.

If you need something in your life to change, let me remind you when you let God in ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! Healing and restoration are possible and I’ll even go as far to say it’s inevitable. Because where God is, there is LIFE and there is FREEDOM!

There is life and death in the power of your tongue! Speak LIFE!

The same power that raised Christ from the dead, lives IN YOU!!

Speak God’s word out of your mouth every day and call those things that be not as though they are!! Get in agreement with God’s promises!! Your life and circumstances WILL CHANGE!!

Prophesy to those dry bones!! And keep prophesying till what is dead comes to life. Don’t you dare give up!!

God bless you! I’m praying for y’all and I’d love to hear from you.

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

Fan the Flame

God’s love for you is everlasting and unconditional my friend. I love that in God’s word he tells us to stir ourselves up, to fan the flame.

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. 2 Timothy 1:6

So what does that mean exactly and how do we go about doing it?

Ways to stir yourself up:

1. Remembering past victories helps increase our faith and gives hope that you WILL come out victorious!! Journaling is a great way to do this. So when your down and feeling hopeless you can look back on all the great things God has done for you in the past and prayers he’s answered.

2. Speak God’s word/Affirmations

Call those things that be not as tho there are!! It’s time to do spiritual warfare with the words that come out of your mouth!! Is what your saying in agreement with God’s word or are you complaining about your problems and situation instead going to THE ONE who can solve it? Complaining only makes our problems seem bigger, never ending and hopeless. Use your faith and words and SPEAK LIFE. Our words our soooo powerful!! The are like containers, they either contain life, faith and blessings or they contain death, doubt, unbelief and cursing.

Remind yourself

“He will work ALL things out for my good”

“God loves ME and has a great plan for MY life” “

“NO weapon formed against me shall prosper on any way”

“YOU are an overcomer.”

This is stirring ourselves up and this brings HOPE, JOY and PEACE to our lives.

3. Listen to sound bible believing teachers and preachers daily. There are so many ways to do this, your church every week, thru television, podcasts (one of my favorites) and YouTube just to name a few. You can literally do this anytime, any where, while your at work, cooking, cleaning, just doing your every day life and still get the Word in you.

4. Be in the Word daily.

Being in the Word daily has many benefits.

Helps you grow in your relationship with God.

– When temptation comes and it always does, knowing the word will help you fight temptation.

– Helps to nourish and revive your soul and body.

– Provides comfort in dark times.

– It’s transforming, changing us into his likeness more and more every day.

My friend the mind in a battlefield…Memorizing scripture and it will come back to when you need it most.

The law of the LORD is perfect,

reviving the soul;

the testimony of the LORD is sure,

making wise the simple;

the precepts of the LORD are right,

rejoicing the heart;

the commandment of the LORD is pure,

enlightening the eyes;

Psalm 19:7-11

5. Just being thankful, showing gratitude daily.

If you look around and think about it even just a little bit you have so much to be thankful for.

If you woke up…you’re breathing today.

If you can walk, that’s something to be thankful for.

If you have clean running water, that’s a huge blessing. It’s estimated that 844 million people don’t have clean water, that’s unbelievable and so sad to me.

If you have a toilet, which we probably take for granted then that is a blessing as well. It’s estimated that 2.3 billion people don’t have a decent toilet. Isn’t that just hard to imagine???

If you have food to eat, a home for shelter, if you have loved ones in your life….you have MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR.

Look I know some days it’s hard to be thankful but if you have to start small that’s fine but just start being thankful for something. The cup of coffee you drink every morning or for me it’s Spark and oh man am I thankful for Spark every morning lol. A picture of a loved one, a memory, hot water, gluten free food, your bed, whatever just be thankful for something everyday!!

6. Put on the Armor of God every day.

Ephesians 6:10-18

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

7. Find a small group to do life with. Fellowshipping with other believers is life changing. It helps build healthy friendships and can be good accountability. Being able to find friends and being vulnerable is hard I know but in my experience it’s being vulnerable is what tears down the walls around us and more often than not you find you are not alone in your pain and struggles. I’ve also discovered me being real not only helps me but it also helps others to feel safe and secure and they open up with what they are struggling with. Then you are able to help one another. That is what I think small groups are about.

Proverbs 27:17

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

Get connected my friend!

8. Pray daily

The Word tells us to pray on all occasions, making our requests known to God. Ephesians 6:18

It tells us to pray without ceasing. 1Thessalonians 5:17

It tells us never to worry about anything, and to thank God for what He has already provided. Philippians 4:6

Jesus showed us examples of different times to pray.

-He prayed at the cross.

-He prayed during sad times.

-He prayed before he ate.

-He prayed while he was in despair and agony.

Jesus made prayer a priority. I wonder what life would be like if we made prayer a priority the way Jesus did? I can only speak for myself but I haven’t always gone to God when I had problems, sometimes we go to others to tell them what’s going on and seek their help or wisdom. But WHAT IF instead our first response was to go to Jesus with our problems instead of others, I mean he truly is the only one who can fix it. Seems like it would be logical for us to do it but it’s not always the case.

9. Our attitudes and thoughts toward things in life. Sometimes it’s just a small shift in out perspective. Ya know is my glass half empty or half full? Or one thing I’ve noticed is we tend to say “I have to do this or that.” But what if just changed one word in there, it could potentially change your whole perception….”I GET to do this or that.” Man that’s totally different and if you think about it takes off some stress.

We don’t have to think every thought that comes into our mind. A lot of the time we are thinking about our problems/situation and when we focus on that it brings us down, makes us feel hopeless and depressed. But when we think and speak His promises over them it can literally change everything. Choose on purpose to renew your mind and speak God’s word and positive things from your mouth. You’ll be surprised at how quickly a hopeless situation turns around when we allow God in and change our perspective. God IS BIGGER than any problem we have and the battle belongs to Him so Let go and Let God!

10. Fasting

Fasting is basically giving up certain foods, like doing the Daniel Fast or giving up soda, sugar, social media, tv, or other things that have gotten a hold of you for a certain period of time in order to turn your thoughts to God. Fasting is found all throughout the Old and New Testaments of the Bible. I encourage you to study up on fasting. There are many great books on this subject. Our church does 21 Days of fasting and prayer every January and then 21 days of prayer in August. It’s always an amazing experience and God has showed me many things and have had breakthroughs because of fasting.

Sweet friends we have to keep ourselves stirred up because the world is always coming at us trying to tear us down. Don’t believe the lies of the enemy. Don’t believe what the enemy tells you about your doctors report, bank account, economy, the shape your family/marriage is in and that nothing will ever change. NOOOO, Believe God, trust GOD, He’s behind the scenes working it all out. You do your part, stir yourselves up, trust, believe and you praise Him until your breakthrough comes, because it’s coming precious one!!!! I believe it with everything in me, God is working and moving sweet friends, don’t doubt it!! He is bringing us to a new level this year, He’s opening doors that NO man can shut, so get ready!!!!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

Let Go and Let God

It’s time for repositioning yourself. Let go of the things that you have held on to for so long. The things from your past that keep haunting you and holding you in bondage. Maybe someone spoke horrible things over you like”You are no good” “You’ll never amount to anything” “You’re ugly” and maybe worse. Then you believed it and came into agreement with it, well those are LIES FROM THE ENEMY straight from the pit of hell!!!!

Let me just say YOU are chosen, beautiful, holy, righteous, victorious, justified, redeemed, set free, a new creature IN Christ, FORGIVEN…..I can go on.

When our lives get turned upside down, God is still there, he’s with you. Have you found yourself thinking God, I wasn’t expecting that or I was expecting this and something else happened? I sure have. But sometimes, the very thing that is so bad, the thing that is so painful, the things we think that is coming against us is really what we need and it’s going to work out for us if we let it. But it’s up to us, letting go, and letting God have his way in us.

Releasing old ways of things or thinking and trusting God. It’s not always comfortable and it’s not always easy but embracing the new and allowing God to do what He needs to do to get you where you need to be will be worth it all.

What are you holding onto today? Is there something you need to let go of and let God in so you can make room for what God wants to do in your life? God only wants his very best for you precious one, don’t settle. Whatever you need, He has it and him alone can only truly satisfy. Jesus I need you more❤️🙌🏻

Click the link below to enjoy the song: First and Only- By Elevation Worship

https://g.co/kgs/gH6EMS