Tag Archives: Don’t give up

Divorcing ED- Life With An Eating Disorder

Hey y’all! Hope you guys are doing well. Things have been hopping here. Hubby working from home also means home projects right. I swear that man can’t sit still for a second, then he sucks me in lol🤣

I thought I’d let you in on a secret…..lean in real close. I’M DIVORCING ED! There I said it!

Secrets out now.

No! ED is not my husband’s name. ED is someone who has been with me for too many years to count.

ED is the eating disorder I have struggled with for what seems like a lifetime but I’ve decided we are breaking up for good and getting a divorce! He doesn’t serve me well anymore, well he never really did, he was just how I coped.

Do you know ED too?

ED…..I.e. sin….took me further than I ever thought I’d go and kept me longer than I ever thought I’d stay.

I have been in counseling with a nutritionist who deals with eating disorders and Imma tell you how wonderful, hard and challenging it’s been.

My first experience with a nutritionist when I was finally ready to deal with ED didn’t go well. She would say things like “You need to only eat this or that.” or “If you drink that Dr. Pepper your only hurting yourself” Even better was the time I didn’t like one of the supplements she gave me, it was like horrible mud like substance you drank with a hint of mint🤣🤢🤮 she said “I guess you just don’t want to get well.” Are you kidding me?? Lady, I guilt myself enough I don’t need more guilt and condemnation or rules and regulations from you, that’s what got me here to start with. So needless to say that didn’t last long. I knew she wasn’t good for me. She was setting me up to fail. Inevitably I was gonna fail or make a mistake but failing wasn’t a bad thing nor did failing make me a failure….she was not teaching me that though. It’s all part of the process. Plus, she was not celebrating the small victories I was making.

This time Amie, my nutritionist now she is amazing! What a gift she is. She challenges me but also celebrates the small victories with me. The truth is if I eat 3 meals 1 day that’s amazing considering for many years I haven’t done that.

If I wake up and tell myself I’m not gonna eat today but then go through the process of talking to myself and on purpose choose to make the decision to eat regardless of what my feelings are saying, that’s another victory!

If I go 2 days and don’t weigh myself that’s another victory. I’ve gone 5 so far, 5 DAYS OF NOT WEIGHING MYSELF. That is nothing short of miracle to me.

I’m learning though if slip up it’s not the end of the world, just get back up and start all over. Being perfect is so overrated. Not that I ever was but it was something so engrained me and I learned to try not to rock the boat, be as perfect as you possibly can they will love and accept you THEN. How misguided I was.

What I look like, how I dress, the car I drive, the house I live in, or the job I have…none of that matters or has eternal purpose. Having a relationship with MY JESUS is what matters. That is what’s life changing and as I walk this out and I feel like I can’t do it anymore I cry out to Him one more time, and one more time, and one more time. He’s there waiting to pick me up, and sweet friend He’s there waiting for you. You have access to the King.

I mentioned to someone the other day I was seeing a nutritionist for my eating disorder and the first thing they asked was “Wow! How much weight have you lost?” I just thought to myself “Oh my word! What’s wrong with people?” That’s the whole problem. Weight, food, exercise, not eating, binging, the scale, all of it turned into idols. I’m not trying to lose weight, of course I’d like too I’m a woman lol but my main goal is to have a healthy relationship with food.

To not be afraid to eat this or that.

To not be afraid to eat 3 meals a day or a snack.

To eat lunch and not be afraid.

To not weigh myself everyday….I’ve been a slave to the scale for as long as I can remember.

Anyone relate to that? 🤣🤣🤣

That’s our culture though. We think if we lose enough weight or if we are the perfect size we will be happy and all of life will fall into place and we’ll have no problems. That’s simply not true. But if you watch the Jenny Craig commercials they’ll have you believe “Because of Jenny Craig, I’m a happier person, a happier mom, a happier wife. I’m more confident.” Well I was a size six and it didn’t change what was going on on the inside. Until the root is addressed you will repeat the cycle and that’s true for anything. I just hate the media plays on our emotions especially women, you are just not quite good enough….YET! Try this and maybe you will be. I’m tired of listening to the lies! THE devil IS A LIAR!

How about you try some Jesus instead of all the worldly things it has to offer. Sorry for my soapbox. Finding our worth and value from the mirror or the scale will never fulfill you.

But having a relationship with Jesus will.

Back on topic, lol, for me most days I would eat a small breakfast, never lunch, and eat dinner. Some days I wouldn’t eat at all, I would consciously make a decision to not eat today. Punish myself for the shame and guilt I carried of living with this secret, and other secrets and trauma from my childhood. I was also fearful of lots of foods that in moderation are actually healthy for you.

One of the things I’ve been working on is incorporating lunch into my schedule. I know, sounds simple but for someone with ED, not so simple. But I’ve done pretty well, not every day yet but 4-5 out of 7 I’d say. That’s HUGE! Even if it’s something small.

Progress not perfection.

Forward motion.

My nutritionist asked me how I felt about not weighing myself everyday and did I think that was something I could start to work on. Immediately, tears streamed down my face and I said “ Yes, I will do it.” The scale and I have had a meeting together every morning for yeeaaarrs, sometimes weighing myself more than once a day. Despite how unhappy it made me, I still have always been drawn to it even though I knew it wasn’t helpful to me. So last week I hid it in the closet so I won’t see everyday lol. The first couple of days were really hard and I almost got up in the middle of the night to weigh myself. Crazy I know. But that’s the bond ED and I have. His clutches run deep. Have you ever experienced anything like this? It’s powerful, BUT MY GOD IS BIGGER.

I’m divorcing ED to have a relationship with me, to get to know me and a deeper relationship with my Savior. To get my voice back instead of shoving things further down. I’m overcoming the misguided self. To heal the proper way from past hurts and trauma. It’s hard work and it may take a long time and it may be painful but I’m up for the job. I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me and so can you sweet friend.

Your struggle may not be ED, it may be drugs, alcohol, shopping, pornography, or something else, we all have something. I urge you to give it completely over to the Lord. Press in and contend for your freedom. He will set your shackles free. FREEDOM IS THERE FOR THE TAKING. You are a new creation IN CHRIST. What the enemy meant to harm and destroy God will work for your good.

NOTHING AND I MEAN NOTHING IS TOO BIG FOR HIM!!

I have worked on this blog for 2-3 days and was set to release today but after I watched our church service this morning I was simply blown away again by my God. How he loves me (you) so much, and how he confirms what he’s placed on my heart to share. I’m even more certain of what He wants for me.

I will tell of the mercy of the Lord and proclaim the great things He has done for me and continues to do.

The Misguided Self- Life With ED and My Broken Past (click below)

https://nikhop320.wordpress.com/2019/10/16/ive-had-an-epiphany/

Sword the Spirit:

Psalm 139:14 I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well.

Song of Solomon 4:7 My darling, everything about you is beautiful, and there is nothing at all wrong with you.

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.

Romans 14:17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

Romans 12:1 Brothers and sisters, in view of all we have just shared about God’s compassion, I encourage you to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, dedicated to God and pleasing to him. This kind of worship is appropriate for you.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Don’t you know that your body is a temple that belongs to the Holy Spirit? The Holy Spirit, whom you received from God, lives in you. You don’t belong to yourselves. You were bought for a price. So bring glory to God in the way you use your body.

Psalm 145:18 The Lord is near all who call out to Him, all who call out to Him with integrity.Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

1 Corinthians 10:13 The only temptations that you have are the same temptations that all people have. But you can trust God. He will not let you be tempted more than you can bear. But when you are tempted, God will also give you a way to escape that temptation. Then you will be able to endure it.

Romans 8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

Zephaniah 3:17 For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Psalm 29:11 The Lord will give strength to his people; the Lord will bless his people with peace.

Psalm 147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

How I Need You- Highlands Worship

You fashioned me, formed my heart,
Searched my soul, and know every thought
Love so great, but never too far
Through the storm, You’re the calm, every war, You’ve already won
Life’s secure in Your loving armsJesus, Jesus, oh, how I need You
You stay the same, You are good in Your ways
Jesus, Jesus, oh, how I need You
You are enough, all my trust is in You, LordYou are powerful, God above it all
I believe in You, I believe in You
You do miracles, the impossible
I believe in You, Jesus

See I’m contending for my freedom from ED every day and renewing my mind. What are you contending for? Would love to hear from you.

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

Enduring And Abiding

Hey y’all! Hope this find you doing well. So many things going on in our world today, right?

When life gets hard, things happen that are out of our control. Stock market, Coronavirus, stay home, no close contact with others, work from home if possible. Life is changing. I’m a hugger and I miss hugging everyone 😭 I love time with my church, small groups and family and friends. I love shopping. Literally, as I’m writing this I got a call from my Immunologist for my appointment next week, they are changing it to phone appointment so I don’t go to UAB. Crazy, right? I mean I apologize it and all but life as we know it changing before our eyes. At least I won’t have to weigh myself, lol 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️ Gotta look for the positives right?🤷🏼‍♀️

When all this is over I’m gonna be a hugging machine🤗

Endure. What exactly does that mean? Endure to hold out against; sustain without impairment or yielding; to bear without resistance or with patience; tolerate.

Boy, do we ever need patience right now. Patience with people buying up everything and all the toilet paper. Patience with waiting in the long lines at the store but also observing the 6 ft suggestion. Personally, I like some grocery pick up and delivery.

People are on more edge now. Offer a smile when you have to go out. Pay a compliment to the cashier or whoever it is. People need to be encouraged at the this time. People need to see Jesus in you. Even if you had to wait a long time in line, just tell the cashier you appreciate them. You understand how stressful it is for them and you know how hard their working and God bless them. They need it. Love God, love people!

Ok off my soapbox now.

Abide. What does abide mean? To bear patiently : tolerate. To wait for. To remain stable or fixed in a state. To continue in a place. Stay connected. Dependent on.

Now more than ever we need to stay connected to the Vine, we need remain stable in the storm. People are watching you. They want to see how Christians will respond in this storm. How are you responding? With fear, distrust? Only worrying about yourself? Are you checking on others? A simple phone call, text. I know we can’t always be together physically but we can still support and love each other in other ways. We might have to be more creative.

So how can we endure like Jesus did and abide in Him at the same time? During times of enduring, we MUST abide in Him. We must remain stable IN Him and fix our eyes on Jesus.

Like 2 chronicles 20:12 it says “….For we are powerless against this great multitude which is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You.”

Stay in the Word. Read and study God’s word. Read devotions.

Praise music ushers in the presence of God.

Pray. Pray. Pray.

Fast something for a time. It helps you draw closer to God. It doesn’t have to be food, it can be anything.

Listen to Podcasts or YouTube sermons, lots of sermons and Live streams on Facebook right now. It will really lift you up instead of just listening to the news of doom and gloom 24/7. I know we need to stay informed but to much of it causes us fear and anxiety.

Journaling, writing out your feelings is so helpful.

Enjoy your family. Watch Hallmark they are gonna be playing Christmas movies…Yaaassss! They know how to get me lol. If this goes on to long I may decorate my house😜 Play games together. Binge watch Netflix. Color. Do a puzzle. Play with your doggos. You know there are some happy happy doggos right now🤣 Cook a meal, bake a cake or some cookies. Just enjoy each other.

Honestly, taking care of yourself is so important right. If you don’t do that, you can’t help others and do what God wants and needs for you to do. Drink lots of water, Dr. Pepper when needed 😉 just not 8 a day lol. Eat healthy, fruits veggies, and proteins….less junk and bad carbs. Your immune system will thank you later. Take your multivitamins, supplement with vitamin C and other things that that are important to you and your health needs. I use essential oils and tons of supplements. I also think digestive enzymes are great as well as probiotics. Exercise. You can still get out and walk. With YouTube goodness you can find any exercise you want on there. Yoga, HIIT training, etc. All this stuff matters especially right now. Sorry another soapbox 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Fix your eyes of Jesus.

John 15:4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit [a]of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.

Endure like Jesus did precious one, That’s what being in the Word and daily devotions can do for you. Stay in the word sweet friends. ENDURE, be patient, this to shall pass, keep on keeping on, and don’t give up! Abide, in Him. Don’t separate from the branch. Remain stable through the trials.

The cross had 2 sides the crucifixion side and the resurrection side. Jesus had to endure one side to get to the other….You know that’s exactly what we have to do too. Sometimes we have to go through struggles and trials of life, things beyond our control, just like Jesus we have sometimes have to endure bad or really tough things to get to the other side.

But hebrews 12:2 says that Jesus, for the joy of obtaining the prize of the cross, the resurrection, endured the pain. I love Joyce Meyer definition of endure is to outlast he devil!! To be steadfast long enough to let the trial do whatever it’s going to do in our lives and get from one side of the cross to the other!! AMEN!!

You have resurrection power life on the inside of you to endure whatever it is your going through by abiding IN HIM, you stay connected to Him, stay dependent on Him.

Keep on keeping on, press on, and don’t give up!!

Endure like Jesus. My heart will be steadfast because I KNOW that You are good💗

Sword of the Spirit

1 Corinthians 13:7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Matthew 24:13 But the one who endures to the end, he will be saved.

Romans 15:4 For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

Hebrews 10:36 For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.

James 1:4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1:12 Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

James 5:11 We count those blessed who endured You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord’s dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful.

2 Timothy 2:12 If we endure, we will also reign with Him; If we deny Him, He also will deny us;

2 Timothy 2:10 For this reason I endure all things for the sake of those who are chosen, so that they also may obtain the salvation which is in Christ Jesus and with it eternal glory.

James 1:3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

Praying for you sweet Trophy of Grace readers. Gods got you right on the palm of His hand, no weapon formed against you will prosper!!

If you have specific prayer request, I’d be happy to pray for you. God bless you!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

Get your worship on💗🙌🏻

God of Miracles

I want to encourage you sweet friend to hold onto hope…the hope that only comes from Jesus.

Don’t stop believing. 🕺💃 🎶 Now you’ve got that song stuck in your head, lol. But seriously, don’t stop believing that God is on your side and He’s got you right in the palm of His hand.

Don’t stop praying for that loved one to come back to God.

Don’t stop praying for that relationship to be healed and restored.

Don’t stop praying for your health to be restored or for the problem there hasn’t been answer too. God knows what to do and where to send you to so you get your answers.

Don’t give up even when it seems there’s no one on your side and people are saying it’s not possible. Sweet one, with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!

Surround yourself with friends that come along side you. The ones who will lift up your arms when you don’t have the strength to keep going. But also be that one for them when they can’t go on….you pray and lift them up when their to weak to go on.

As iron sharpens iron so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

YESSSS! BE THAT FRIEND!

When things don’t seem to change or things are getting worse….you keep praying and believing for God to move that mountain! Don’t you dare give up!

He’s all powerful…all mighty! A mountain moving, water parting, earth shaking, battle fighting, and unstoppable kinda GOD!

He’s The Waymaker!

So keep praying and believing that God is fighting for you. He is behind the scenes working ALL things out for your good!

Trust Him!

Trust that he’s heard your heartfelt prayers. Just because you don’t receive an answer this moment it doesn’t mean he hasn’t heard you or that he isn’t answering you, it simply means his timing is different than ours. He sees the beginning from the end and His ways are higher than ours.

But let me encourage you that He hasn’t forgotten you….no He always has a perfect plan for us. So keep hanging in there. Keep praying and don’t give up. Keep on leaning into Jesus.

He is the God of miracles!

The Waymaker!

“You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples” (Psalm 77:14).

“If you’ve got pain, He’s a pain taker. If you feel lost, He’s a way maker. If you need freedom or saving, He’s a prison-shaking Savior. If you’ve got chains, He’s a chain breaker.”

God bless you and have a wonderful week!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone!!

As we come to a close of another year, whether it was a good year or bad year or somewhere in between tomorrow is a fresh start, the first blank page of your book, so write a good one!!

For me 2018 has had a great deal of challenges and yet God has brought restoration in some areas of our lives with more to come I’m certain. I’m so excited to usher in 2019 and a new beginning. I hope you are as well. I am expecting great things this year for He makes ALL things new!So give Him your weakness and accept His strength! All of your sins have been forgiving and erased, and He has lifted your shame and disgrace! Let Him revive your soul and take your brokenness and make you WHOLE and give you unspeakable JOY!

The promises of God are for YOU and they are Yes and Amen! So tap into Him and His promises for you and your family my friend!!

I pray His blessings and favor chase you down and overtake you in 2019 for He is a God of restoration.

Those healings and breakthroughs are coming so DON’T GIVE UP precious one!

PRESS IN to the new year and CONTEND for what Jesus died to give you!! YOU are a MIGHTY WARRIOR!!

I am believing for you and your family, as well as mine that God will do Ephesians 3:20 in your life….exceedingly, abundantly above and WAYYYY beyond what we can hope, ask, or think this year!!

Thank you God for what you are going to do in our lives and we believe there is so much more to come! You are a Good, Good Father who loves his children and has great and mighty things in store for us. Teach us to walk in Your ways and not get stuck in old patterns and ways the ways of the world. Open new doors to walk in your plans and purposes for our lives and close doors that need to be closed. Move mountains Lord. Bring healing and restoration to our lives and break the chains that bind us. May the Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. In Jesus name, Amen!

I’ve shared in a past post that Joy is my word for 2019. I’d love to know what your word is and why.

My song for the year is Do It Again by Elevation Worship. Click the link below and enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0B_lnQIITxU&feature=share

Let’s make this the best year yet! Love you all so very much and I appreciate each one you!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗