Tag Archives: Courage

Addiction Is A Family Disease

You might be wondering, is that really true? I assure you it is.

See an addict can’t be an addict without help. There’s people in their lives that keep that merry go round going.

There’s the enabler, who wants to “Help” and “Fix” and they think if I was a good enough spouse, friend, sister, brother, etc. then they wouldn’t be like this. I NEED to help them get on track.

One of the first things I learned in Alanon (a meeting for people who have a loved one or friend with a drinking problem) is The 3 C’s.

I didn’t cause it

I can’t cure it,

I can’t control it.

Sweet one, maybe you need to hear that today!

An addiction doesn’t have to be just alcohol or drugs, there are many forms of addiction….food, sex, shopping, pornography, cutting, working, exercise, video games, TV, etc.

I love the example Henry Cloud uses in Changes That Heal, about a dad and his 2 sons. (I have paraphrased this story.) So the Dad is meeting with Henry and says “I need you to fix my son.” So Henry looks to the son sitting there and says “What’s going on, how can I help you?” The son says “No, it’s not me, it’s my brother.” He says “Well where is your brother?” “He’s not here” says the brother. Henry says “Well where is he? And what’s his problem?” The dad answers “He’s flunked out of 3 colleges and he smokes pot.” Henry is puzzled by this and asked “How do you even do that? I understand how you flunk out of one, but how do you get in the 2nd and 3rd one?”

The dad answers “Well, I’m on the board of multiple colleges. The first time he flunked out there was to much partying in the dorm so I bought him a condo, gave him enough money so he could just focus on studying and not work and he still flunked out.” Henry says “Darn those kids!” Love his humor🤣

I’m already chuckling at this point because I see where this is leading too…..

The dad is the great enabler!

Henry asked “Where is your son today?” Dad says, “He’s not here.” Henry says, “I know he’s not here but where might gps find him?”

The dad says “He’s in Vale…skiing.”

Now I ask you, does this sound like the kid who has any problems to you? Not to me.

At this point Henry says, “Sir I’m a psychologist and I help people. I don’t think I can help your son. He doesn’t have any problems. He’s got all the money he needs, a free place to live AND he’s on vacation. He doesn’t have any problems.” Now the dads is confused and getting miffed, saying “Oh yes he does!”

Henry says, “You on the other hand I can help.” The dad is like “I don’t have any problems.” Henry says “Yes you do, you have owned all your sons problems. But I can help you, help your son have some problems.”

I just love that! The dad was busy helping and enabling all his sons issues. The son has had no consequences and has absolutely no reason to change.

Do you have someone like this in your life?

How are you coping?

Are you owning all their mess?

Still trying to fix them?

Learning boundaries is the most amazing and absolutely FREEING thing I’ve ever done.

We all need them, addictions or not. You could have a family member with untreated mental illness. I can relate to this one on such a personal level. A certain family member of mine, has untreated mental illness and ever since I can remember I was always helping, fixing, and rescuing them. Until the last couple of years, I was so burn out. Exhausted! Stressed to the max!

Every time my phone rang I and I saw it was them calling….anxiety would set in quickly! I never had anxiety before. You never knew what was on the other end of the line. Crying hysterically, mad, complaining about their life or someone in it, or the high manic side where everything is beautiful, wonderful, and full of rainbows 🌈 and unicorns 🦄

This was simply ingenious, I gave them a certain ringtone so I would know it was them calling me and at that moment I could decide am I in a place where I can talk to this person? Or do I need to let it go to voicemail and talk later? That simple thing, was life changing for me.

See sweet friend, it’s not your job to fix someone else. You and I are not Holy Ghost Jr. they have a Savior just like you do and that’s his job to work in their lives and change what needs to be changed.

However, we do have a part to do too and that’s to stop 🛑 helping and rescuing them. Let that loved one feel the consequences of their own actions.

If you have a person in your life and they are not taking responsibility for themselves, they don’t have a job or keep losing jobs and now they want to move in with you again….you keep forking out money to “help” and “rescue” them. That’s not helping them be responsible.

They don’t have a car and they want to keep using yours.

You could be taking up the slack for someone with things they need to do but choose not too….but you say to yourself “Well someone has to do it” and so you do it. But now your full of bitterness and resentment when what you needed to do is let them figure it out and you do what your supposed to do.

Or maybe they don’t have groceries or gas because they spent their money on frivolous things and they can’t buy groceries or get gas for the car they’re borrowing from you….but they’ll play on your emotions and say “if you love me then you’d give me the money that I need.”

This sounds ridiculous but it happens every day my friend….you are not helping them.

Sure there is a time when everyone needs help but when you see it becomes a pattern and it keeps repeating itself over and over and over again, YOU are now contributing to the problem and staying on that merry go round. They have no desire to do any different because you continue to fix there issues.

If they are addicted to alcohol, don’t buy it for them. Simply say, “I love you but I’m no longer going to contribute to this, from now on you can buy your own alcohol.” This one, I had to do with someone.

When that person calls you with drama and chaos, things they want YOU to fix….simply 🛑 and say I’m sorry, I can’t do that for you. Tell them you love them and I’m praying for you but you need to figure out this for yourself.

Look, I’m not gonna sit here and tell you this is easy to do because the truth is I have felt like my guts were being ripped out, nauseous to the point of throwing up. It’s hard as Hades and that’s NO JOKE! But it’s necessary for your own health and well-being.

God gave me this verse a few years ago and maybe it will help you too.

EXODUS‬ ‭18:17-18‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “The thing that you are doing is not good. You will certainly wear out both yourself and these people who are with you, because the task is too heavy for you [to bear]; you cannot do it alone.”

We were never meant to carry these burdens alone sweet friend.

‭‭Thoughts to ponder:

Who might you be enabling?

What are you carrying that doesn’t belong to you?

Have you been rescuing people?

What can you do let people in your life feel the consequences of their own actions?

How does that make you feel to even think about doing that?

Ohhhh, I’ll answer that for you, it will FEEL WRONG AND AWFUL! But just because it FEELS WRONG, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

You have to keep doing the next right thing and that “feeling” will catch up with you, eventually.

CHANGE IS HARD but it is a necessary part of life.

You can suffer the pain of change or suffer remaining the way you are.” Joyce Meyer

That’ll preach! That’s a word for someone.

So my friend just start setting small boundaries, those lead to big victories.

Pray about it, it may take you a while to do it and that’s perfectly fine. I’ve been there too. But you’ve got this, you can do it!

I pray God will give you the wisdom and courage to do what’s best for you and your family, setting those boundaries that brings peace to your heart and mind and FREEDOM to your life!

Have a blessed and wonderful day!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

You Matter In This World

Hey you, Yes YOU!! Just in case you need this sweet reminder. I’m here to tell you “You matter in this world!”

God don’t make no junk. YOU ARE HIS BEAUTIFUL MASTERPIECE! Created in his image.

  • You have a unique roll to play, that only you can do.
  • You are chosen.
  • You born for such a time as this.
  • You are creative.
  • God won’t waste your pain.
  • You are full of the fruit of the Spirit.
  • You are an Influencer.
  • You are beautiful.
  • You are treasured.
  • You are strong.
  • You are an overcomer.
  • You are valuable.
  • You are the apple of His eye.
  • You are irreplaceable.
  • You are loved by God.
  • You are blessed.
  • You have purpose.
  • You are full of passion.
  • You are a difference maker.
  • You are never alone.
  • You are highly favored.
  • You are healed.
  • You are FREE.
  • You are restored.
  • You are redeemed.
  • You are courageous.

Simply put, you matter because God says YOU MATTER!

You may not be where you wanna be but you’re not where you use to be. You’re on your way, Amen!

Go out today and smile, encourage someone, and make a difference in your world.

God bless you sweet friend!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

You are anointed for hard….

The word fortitude means courage in pain or adversity.

I believe this describes each one of you. “She endured her illness with great fortitude.” You may not see it or even feel like it but you are full of GREATNESS on the inside. There is more to you than just fibromyalgia or any other autoimmune disease. You are beautiful, strong, full of life, courageous, and capable of enduring much.

You are anointed for hard and have much to offer.

I think sometimes we get caught up in our feelings and the things that are going on around us when we need to look past those things, dig deep and press in. Feelings are fickle, always changing, and often not dependable.

You have something in you that needs to work its way out and it’s something that only you possess but someone else is in great need of. Don’t believe that lie that this is the best I’m ever going to be, I’m giving up on my dreams. I’m settling here. NO!! This is temporary and this too shall pass.

If you let it, it will make you stronger and better but if your not careful it will make you bitter.

I say you’re a Warrior destined for greatness, you have been CHOSEN to do great things! But what do you say or believe, that’s what matters. How do you see yourself?

Everyone needs a hero and sometimes that hero is YOU ❤️

Have a great day! Big hugs!

Nicole💗

He’s in the Waiting

So thankful for this gentle reminder today.

“Take courage my heart, stay steadfast my soul. He’s in the waiting.”

I have been enduring lots of waiting the last few months. Have you found yourself waiting too?

I’ve struggled with sphenoid sinus infections and occipital migraines for a few years and I had sinus surgery in March. Well it’s literally been one trial after another since then. Shortly after I found out I had staph and something else they cultured.

It has wrecked havoc on my body and I have gotten into lots of anxiety and fear.

Do you have any anxiety or fear over something going on in your life?

Are you waiting for a breakthrough or healing?

Just as I was encouraged today, I want to encourage you, He’s there with you in the waiting. Stay strong and steadfast precious one.

Tell God what’s bothering you and then turn every fear and all your anxiety over to him and make it your prayer list. Keep praying till your breakthrough comes.

Phil 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;

There’s 2 ways we can wait; we can wait passively or expectantly. If we wait passively, we just sit around waiting to see what will happen. Not really sure God will come through for us and not expecting anything good so we just give up.

But an expectant person is full of hope. They believe God is at work on their behalf. They believe and have there full trust in Him and that He will work all things out for their good. They believe in SUDDENLIES of God.

Wherever you find yourself today, don’t give up my friend. Don’t stop believing. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Stay full of hope and expectation. God’s got you! He has you right in the palm of His hand and nothing is to big for him and He wasn’t surprised by your situation.

Stand firm and steadfast! Keep pressing in and never give up!

Take courage my friend and you will rise in His victory.

Enjoy this song by Bethel.

https://youtu.be/r49V9QcYheQ

Love and hugs,

Nicole💗