That Girl Was Me….
September is National Suicide Prevention month so I thought I’d reshare you story. I hope it will bless and encourage someone.
That Girl Was Me….
September is National Suicide Prevention month so I thought I’d reshare you story. I hope it will bless and encourage someone.
Hey y’all!🤗 How’s it going in your neck of the woods? I had my infusion Tuesday so I’ve been resting the last couple of days. It went better than last month praise the Lord!
We are all called to be difference makers but today I want to remind you that God is the DIFFERENCE MAKER in your life!!
God is the GAME CHANGER in your circumstances.
Difference Maker means One who has an impact or effect; One who brings about change. Yep that’d be my God!! He’s The ONE, who makes an impact and bring about change in our lives.
God’s promise is true for you, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone” Ezekiel 36:26
I ALONE AM THE DIFFERENCE MAKER!
Whatever you need in your life Gods got it! You feel lost or broken, cry out to Him….He is near. You’re having trouble in your marriage or with your kids….call on the Difference Maker he’s got it! He knows just how to fix it!
Game Changer means a newly introduced element or factor that changes an existing situation or activity in a significant way
Do you need a Game Changer factor in your life changed in a significant way?
Do you have a work situation?
A family situation?
Alcohol or drug problem?
We all need something.
Gods the Game Changer.
He’s waiting for you to ask Him to come into that situation, that problem and allow Him to do his work. He’s got just the right element to change that situation and completely blow your mind. He wants to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all we could hope, ask or think….
You need to stop looking at what you can’t do or what you don’t have and look at what GOD CAN DO!! God’s presence and power, His Anointing is what pushes you into your destiny! It’s what changes EVERYTHING!
When you hear nothing is ever gonna change, don’t you believe the lies of the enemy! Talk back to the devil! God can use ANY situation for YOUR GOOD!! See your worth and value is based on WHO YOU ARE IN Him and NOTHING ELSE!!! Remember that when that lying spirit is whispering in your ear.
You are NOT to far gone my friend. God WILL use what the enemy meant for harm and turn it to your good if you will let him and He WILL complete what He has started in YOU.
He’s the God of completion.
He’s concerned about what concerns you. My friend, He WILL establish and ground YOU and strengthen YOU!!
He is FOR YOU NOT AGAINST YOU!
He’s the Difference Maker and the Game Changer.
Hey y’all! Hope you guys are doing well. Things have been hopping here. Hubby working from home also means home projects right. I swear that man can’t sit still for a second, then he sucks me in lol🤣
I thought I’d let you in on a secret…..lean in real close. I’M DIVORCING ED! There I said it!
Secrets out now.
No! ED is not my husband’s name. ED is someone who has been with me for too many years to count.
ED is the eating disorder I have struggled with for what seems like a lifetime but I’ve decided we are breaking up for good and getting a divorce! He doesn’t serve me well anymore, well he never really did, he was just how I coped.
Do you know ED too?
ED…..I.e. sin….took me further than I ever thought I’d go and kept me longer than I ever thought I’d stay.
I have been in counseling with a nutritionist who deals with eating disorders and Imma tell you how wonderful, hard and challenging it’s been.
My first experience with a nutritionist when I was finally ready to deal with ED didn’t go well. She would say things like “You need to only eat this or that.” or “If you drink that Dr. Pepper your only hurting yourself” Even better was the time I didn’t like one of the supplements she gave me, it was like horrible mud like substance you drank with a hint of mint🤣🤢🤮 she said “I guess you just don’t want to get well.” Are you kidding me?? Lady, I guilt myself enough I don’t need more guilt and condemnation or rules and regulations from you, that’s what got me here to start with. So needless to say that didn’t last long. I knew she wasn’t good for me. She was setting me up to fail. Inevitably I was gonna fail or make a mistake but failing wasn’t a bad thing nor did failing make me a failure….she was not teaching me that though. It’s all part of the process. Plus, she was not celebrating the small victories I was making.
This time Amie, my nutritionist now she is amazing! What a gift she is. She challenges me but also celebrates the small victories with me. The truth is if I eat 3 meals 1 day that’s amazing considering for many years I haven’t done that.
If I wake up and tell myself I’m not gonna eat today but then go through the process of talking to myself and on purpose choose to make the decision to eat regardless of what my feelings are saying, that’s another victory!
If I go 2 days and don’t weigh myself that’s another victory. I’ve gone 5 so far, 5 DAYS OF NOT WEIGHING MYSELF. That is nothing short of miracle to me.
I’m learning though if slip up it’s not the end of the world, just get back up and start all over. Being perfect is so overrated. Not that I ever was but it was something so engrained me and I learned to try not to rock the boat, be as perfect as you possibly can they will love and accept you THEN. How misguided I was.
What I look like, how I dress, the car I drive, the house I live in, or the job I have…none of that matters or has eternal purpose. Having a relationship with MY JESUS is what matters. That is what’s life changing and as I walk this out and I feel like I can’t do it anymore I cry out to Him one more time, and one more time, and one more time. He’s there waiting to pick me up, and sweet friend He’s there waiting for you. You have access to the King.
I mentioned to someone the other day I was seeing a nutritionist for my eating disorder and the first thing they asked was “Wow! How much weight have you lost?” I just thought to myself “Oh my word! What’s wrong with people?” That’s the whole problem. Weight, food, exercise, not eating, binging, the scale, all of it turned into idols. I’m not trying to lose weight, of course I’d like too I’m a woman lol but my main goal is to have a healthy relationship with food.
To not be afraid to eat this or that.
To not be afraid to eat 3 meals a day or a snack.
To eat lunch and not be afraid.
To not weigh myself everyday….I’ve been a slave to the scale for as long as I can remember.
Anyone relate to that? 🤣🤣🤣
That’s our culture though. We think if we lose enough weight or if we are the perfect size we will be happy and all of life will fall into place and we’ll have no problems. That’s simply not true. But if you watch the Jenny Craig commercials they’ll have you believe “Because of Jenny Craig, I’m a happier person, a happier mom, a happier wife. I’m more confident.” Well I was a size six and it didn’t change what was going on on the inside. Until the root is addressed you will repeat the cycle and that’s true for anything. I just hate the media plays on our emotions especially women, you are just not quite good enough….YET! Try this and maybe you will be. I’m tired of listening to the lies! THE devil IS A LIAR!
How about you try some Jesus instead of all the worldly things it has to offer. Sorry for my soapbox. Finding our worth and value from the mirror or the scale will never fulfill you.
But having a relationship with Jesus will.
Back on topic, lol, for me most days I would eat a small breakfast, never lunch, and eat dinner. Some days I wouldn’t eat at all, I would consciously make a decision to not eat today. Punish myself for the shame and guilt I carried of living with this secret, and other secrets and trauma from my childhood. I was also fearful of lots of foods that in moderation are actually healthy for you.
One of the things I’ve been working on is incorporating lunch into my schedule. I know, sounds simple but for someone with ED, not so simple. But I’ve done pretty well, not every day yet but 4-5 out of 7 I’d say. That’s HUGE! Even if it’s something small.
Progress not perfection.
My nutritionist asked me how I felt about not weighing myself everyday and did I think that was something I could start to work on. Immediately, tears streamed down my face and I said “ Yes, I will do it.” The scale and I have had a meeting together every morning for yeeaaarrs, sometimes weighing myself more than once a day. Despite how unhappy it made me, I still have always been drawn to it even though I knew it wasn’t helpful to me. So last week I hid it in the closet so I won’t see everyday lol. The first couple of days were really hard and I almost got up in the middle of the night to weigh myself. Crazy I know. But that’s the bond ED and I have. His clutches run deep. Have you ever experienced anything like this? It’s powerful, BUT MY GOD IS BIGGER.
I’m divorcing ED to have a relationship with me, to get to know me and a deeper relationship with my Savior. To get my voice back instead of shoving things further down. I’m overcoming the misguided self. To heal the proper way from past hurts and trauma. It’s hard work and it may take a long time and it may be painful but I’m up for the job. I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me and so can you sweet friend.
Your struggle may not be ED, it may be drugs, alcohol, shopping, pornography, or something else, we all have something. I urge you to give it completely over to the Lord. Press in and contend for your freedom. He will set your shackles free. FREEDOM IS THERE FOR THE TAKING. You are a new creation IN CHRIST. What the enemy meant to harm and destroy God will work for your good.
NOTHING AND I MEAN NOTHING IS TOO BIG FOR HIM!!
I have worked on this blog for 2-3 days and was set to release today but after I watched our church service this morning I was simply blown away again by my God. How he loves me (you) so much, and how he confirms what he’s placed on my heart to share. I’m even more certain of what He wants for me.
I will tell of the mercy of the Lord and proclaim the great things He has done for me and continues to do.
The Misguided Self- Life With ED and My Broken Past (click below)
Sword the Spirit:
Psalm 139:14 I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well.
Song of Solomon 4:7 My darling, everything about you is beautiful, and there is nothing at all wrong with you.
Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.
Romans 14:17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.
Romans 12:1 Brothers and sisters, in view of all we have just shared about God’s compassion, I encourage you to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, dedicated to God and pleasing to him. This kind of worship is appropriate for you.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Don’t you know that your body is a temple that belongs to the Holy Spirit? The Holy Spirit, whom you received from God, lives in you. You don’t belong to yourselves. You were bought for a price. So bring glory to God in the way you use your body.
Psalm 145:18 The Lord is near all who call out to Him, all who call out to Him with integrity.Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.
1 Corinthians 10:13 The only temptations that you have are the same temptations that all people have. But you can trust God. He will not let you be tempted more than you can bear. But when you are tempted, God will also give you a way to escape that temptation. Then you will be able to endure it.
Romans 8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.
Zephaniah 3:17 For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Psalm 29:11 The Lord will give strength to his people; the Lord will bless his people with peace.
Psalm 147:3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.
How I Need You- Highlands Worship
You fashioned me, formed my heart,
Searched my soul, and know every thought
Love so great, but never too far
Through the storm, You’re the calm, every war, You’ve already won
Life’s secure in Your loving armsJesus, Jesus, oh, how I need You
You stay the same, You are good in Your ways
Jesus, Jesus, oh, how I need You
You are enough, all my trust is in You, LordYou are powerful, God above it all
I believe in You, I believe in You
You do miracles, the impossible
I believe in You, Jesus
See I’m contending for my freedom from ED every day and renewing my mind. What are you contending for? Would love to hear from you.
Hey y’all! Hope you had a great week last week. Ours was busy but in a good way. I had lots of homework, test, small group stuff, house to clean which is somehow a mess again🙈😐 We met our new foster grands. They are simply precious, just melt your heart💗💙
Recently, I’ve been thinking about how often our brokenness can keep us stuck at the place of our pain. The place where our pain first began. I’m only speaking for myself but I personally have struggled with this at times. Maybe you have too?
I’m so thankful at how God has brought me through so many dark places in my life and I’m seeing victory and freedom and then there are still some areas where I’m not there….YET. It’s that thorn of the flesh so to speak. But, it continues to draw me closer to God and that is a great thing.
I may not be there YET and you might not be there YET….but we are not where we use to be and that’s news worth shouting! 🙌🏻🙌🏻 Freedom is there for the taking we just have to continue to walk it out, walk through some things…..let go of some things, to get to what’s already been placed INSIDE OF US. He’s already placed everything we need on the inside of us. Isn’t that awesome?!?!
For me, the brokenness I’m referring to in my life is from someone who hurt me years ago but sometimes the wound can still be so fresh. Different sounds, smells, situations can bring that memory flooding back to me and each time I have choose to forgive. See forgiveness isn’t a feeling, because if I’m honest in the past I’ve been like “Lord get em, drop large boulder and some hot coals on them, make them suffer like they’ve hurt me.” Now I know that’s not Christian like but that’s the hurt and human side of me and it’s just me being real. But my God says to forgive and forgiveness is a choice and one we have to continue to make over and over again. I’ve found eventually over time, and it might take a long time but our feelings will catch up and that person, that event, or situation won’t feel the same anymore.
Circling back to the getting stuck at the point of our pain I spoke of at the beginning. See I’ve been there and it’s a dark place. But sometimes when your stuck there you need someone to come to where your at, sit with you, hold you, and cry with you. There’s healing in those tears. There’s healing when a friend or loved one comes to that dark place your at and their willing to be with you and lift you up. It might even be the person that made you get stuck at the point of your pain. What a beautiful thing I think that is but sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s a friend/loved one you’ve confided in or its Jesus….our Savior. He comes to our rescue if you call on Him.
He loved me at my darkest. He came to the pit I was in and called me out. He took off my grave clothes and He gave me a new name. He’ll do the same for you too.
See when I felt unworthy and unlovable, He told me He loved me with an everlasting love.
When I felt ugly and unwanted, He called me cherished, beautiful and accepted.
When I felt shame and guilt for what had been done to me, He told me I have been redeemed and set free. I am a new creature in Christ. I am chosen, holy and blameless before God. I am Gods masterpiece, the apple of His eye.
Maybe you need to hear that today. You are beautiful, treasured, cherished, fearfully and wonderfully made, precious in His sight. You are loved with an everlasting love and nothing you can do can separate you from the love of God. YOU….precious one are chosen, holy, and dearly loved! THAT IS WHO YOU ARE! Make no mistake.
God bless you! Have a blessed and wonderful week. If I can pray for somehow please let me know, I’d be honored to do so.
I Won’t Move Life.Church Worship
When my eyes cannot see it’s your voice that’s leading me, out of darkness into light. It’s your love breaking through the night I won’t move until you soeak….You Break the walls apart. You heal the wounded heart, I won’t move until you speak. You calm the raging sea. You crush the enemy. I won’t move until you speak💗
Have you found yourself in a place you never thought you’d be and you feel like you’ve lost your way?
You only feel pain and despair. Your heart is full of sadness. You feel so far from God, and you drifting aimlessly through life. You doubt God, and all you see is just darkness.
We’ve all been there at some point.
Life can be messy no doubt but as we approach the holidays for some it can be much worse. TV and movies depict a perfect, joyous life, with miracles happening just when you need it. I’m not knocking Hallmark Christmas movies, in fact I’m quite the fan of them but I’m just saying is what we experience isn’t always that perfect life we see on the screen…. all wrapped up in a pretty red bow 🎁
– Maybe you’ve experienced the loss of a loved one.
– Maybe it’s a broken relationship.
– Maybe the children you’ve longed for but it hasn’t happened yet.
– A lost dream.
-The loss of a job.
– Maybe you just dread all the hustle and bustle that the holidays bring.
– Or maybe it’s something as small as the in laws or your crazy uncle Eddie, lol!
We all are going through something, big or small.
If you’ve fallen and lost your way precious one, allow me to speak life into your darkness. You are not to far gone for God to come down to that miry pit and swoop you up. You are chosen, loved, and fully known. The Lord is near, He’s close to the brokenhearted. He sees your pain, and He sees each tear and has collected each one in a bottle.
Psalm 112:4 “Light dawns in the darkness for the upright; he is gracious, merciful, and righteous.”
If you call on Him, He will come running. He will shine light into your darkness.
You are not forgotten.
Come forth from the darkness my friend.
You were made to live in the Light.
To the doubting voice, allow me to speak to those places of your heart that have lost hope that God can restore what’s broken and shattered in your life. He is the God of restoration and He has a great plan for your life. What the enemy meant to harm and destroy God will work for your good. He will take your mess and give you a message. You may have drifted off track but just jump right back on, he’s the God of second chances, third, forth, tenth, or a hundred. He does not relent.
Gods not disappointed in you, quite the opposite…He’s cheering you on. When you are weak precious one, He is strong. He can give you strength to get through another day.
Nehemiah 8:10 “The JOY of the Lord is your strength.”
Come forth from the doubt that has overtaken you.
You were made to live in the confidence that God has you right in the palm of His hand and He will restore to you what the enemy has stolen.
To the voice of sadness that’s overwhelmed you, I speak victory. Though sadness has lingered on, I say you will not give up for the battle is already won sweet friend. To the voice that says “Just give up” I speak strength to your inner man to keep moving forward and not give up. Gods not done with you yet. You will live and not die. You will press on to all the good things God has for you.
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. He will give you joy for morning and beauty for your ashes.
Isaiah 61:3 “and provide for those who grieve in Zion– to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.“
Come forth from the grief and sadness that has tried to engulf your life.
You were made to live a life of joy.
Let me just say, you can still live a life of joy in the midst of a storm. Joy isn’t the absence of problems, it’s the calm delight in the midst of a storm.
Praise, praise, and more praise because praise breaks the chains that bind us. Praise gives you strength to keep going. Praise changes the atmosphere.
Build up your support system around you. Friends, loved ones, support groups, or counseling if you need it. You won’t make it alone, you were built for relationship. We are better together.
When all you see is only hopelessness, change your focus and declare You O Lord are a shield around me and the lifter of my head.
When you find yourself wondering aimlessly, remember God is with you and He will direct your path.
When that grief and sadness kick in again, remember He gives JOY for mourning and beauty for your ashes.
When you are weary His word says “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”
When your life has been full of broken promises, His word say “God is not man, that he should lie…” Get in the word and claim His promises for your life.
Maybe you don’t know or even feel it at this moment but Jesus loves YOU at your darkest sweet friend. While we were still sinners Christ died on the cross for you and me.
Come forth the Victory God has already planned for you.
Come forth the Breakthrough for your life that’s already been set in motion.
Come forth spirit of God and do what only You can do.
Come forth and show Your glory Lord.
I pray this holiday season will be one of rest, gratefulness, and JOY UNSPEAKABLE.
Breakthrough-Red Rock Worship https://youtu.be/6ni5_JGRrgs
I’m sure there are other areas I haven’t mentioned.
First off let me just say if this is you….you are not alone.
I’ve struggled with depression too from time to time. Mostly mine has been hormonal but some situational as well. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
One of my favorite verses is Romans 5:8
Man this song Even Louder is one of my new favorites. “The bigger depression hits, the louder my praise gets” Just that one line gets you fired up!
When your in the pits of despair, worship Even Louder.
Get your praise on! Talk back to the devil. Speak the Word.
Praise precedes the victory my friends!
PRAISE HIM IN ALL THINGS! https://nikhop320.wordpress.com/2018/11/11/praise-him-in-all-things/amp/
You can’t wait till all your circumstances are better. No! You gotta praise Him right now…in the storm.
The devil will stop at nothing to destroy and defeat you but you and I already know how the story ends….HaHa! The devil IS DEFEATED AND he IS A LIAR!
Worship pulls down Heaven to earth.
Psalm 22:3 “God inhabits the praises of his people.”
When we learn to praise and worship God in the storm, breakthroughs come, strength comes, and JOY COMES!
We do not have to live defeated lives while we are here in earth. We can get up every morning and CHOOSE to live a victorious life. Let me just say that praise and worship is one of the most powerful weapon God has given us against the devil.
When we pray and worship the devil and all his demons tremble. Don’t you love that?!?! You have the power to make the devil tremble!
Confessions From Joyce Meyer
1. I love all people, and I am loved by all people.
2. I prosper in everything I put my hand to. I have prosperity in all areas of my life – spiritually, financially, mentally, and socially.
3. My children have lots of Christian friends, and God has set aside a Christian wife or husband for each of them.
4. All my household are blessed in their deeds: we’re blessed when we come in and when we go out.
5. I take good care of my body. I eat right, I look good, I feel good, and I weigh what God wants me to weigh.
6. I operate in all the gifts of the Holy Spirit, which are tongues and interpretation of tongues, the working of miracles, discerning of spirits, the word of faith, the word of knowledge, the word of wisdom, healings, and prophecy.
7. I know God’s voice, and I always obey what He tells me.
8. The love of God has been shed abroad in my heart by the Holy Ghost.
9. I do all my work excellently and with great prudence – making the most of all of my time.
10. I am creative because the Holy Spirit lives in me.
11. I love to pray. I love to praise and worship God.
12. I am purposed that my mouth shall not transgress. I will speak forth the righteousness of God all the day long.
13. I have humbled myself, and God has exalted me.
14. I am a giver. It is more blessed to give than to receive. I love to give! I have plenty of money to give away all the time.
15. I cast all my care on the Lord for He cares for me.
16. I don’t give the devil a foothold in my life. I resist the devil, and he has to flee from me.
17. I don’t have a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.
18. I am not afraid of the faces of man. I am not afraid of the anger of man.
19. I am a new creature in Christ: old things have passed away, behold, all things are new.
20. I have died and have been raised with Christ and am now seated in heavenly places.
21. I am dead to sin and alive unto righteousness.
22. I am a doer of the Word. I meditate on the Word all the day long.
23. I am not passive about anything, but I deal with all things in my life immediately.
24. I do not judge my brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus after the flesh. I am a spiritual man and am judged by no one.
25. I take every thought captive unto the obedience of Jesus Christ, casting down every imagination, and every high and lofty thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God.
26. I am a responsible person. I enjoy responsibility, and I rise to every responsibility in Jesus.
27. I have been set free. I am free to love, to worship, to trust with no fear of rejection or of being hurt.
28. I have compassion and understanding for all people.
29. I catch the devil in all of his deceitful lies. I cast them down and choose rather to believe the Word of God.
30. I am anointed of God for ministry. Hallelujah!
31. Work is good. I enjoy work. Glory!
32. I have a teachable spirit.
33. I do not think more highly of myself than I ought to in the flesh.
34. Pain cannot successfully come against my body because Jesus bore all my pain.
35. I am a teacher of the Word.
36. I lay hands on the sick, and they recover.
37. I do what I say I will do, and I get where I am going on time.
38. I don’t hurry and rush; I do one thing at a time.
39. God opens my mouth, and no man can shut it. God shuts my mouth, and no man can open it.
40. The law of kindness is in my tongue. Gentleness is in my touch. Mercy and compassion is in my hearing.
41. As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he; therefore, all of my thoughts are positive.
42. I do not allow the devil to use my spirit as a garbage dump by meditating on negative things that he offers me.
43. I am a believer not a doubter.
44. No weapon that is formed against me shall prosper, but every tongue that rises against me in judgment, I shall show to be in the wrong.
45. I am slow to speak, quick to hear, and slow to anger.
46. I cast out devils and demons; nothing deadly can hurt me.
47. I never bind a sister or brother with the words of my mouth.
48. I am always a positive encouragement. I edify and build up; I never tear down or destroy.
49. I will cry to God Most High Who performs on my behalf and rewards me.
50. My son (name) has a sweet personality, and he is not rebellious.
51. I don’t speak negative things.
52. My children love to pray and study the Word. They openly and boldly praise God.
53. My children make right choices according to the Word of God.
54. I am an obedient wife, and no rebellion operates in me.
55. My husband is wise. He is the king and priest of our home. He makes Godly decisions.
56. I use my time wisely. All of my prayer and study time is wisely spent.
57. I walk in the spirit all of the time.
58. All that I own is paid for. I owe no man anything except to love him in Christ.
59. I love to bless people and spread the Gospel.
60. I am an intercessor.
61. I receive speaking engagements in person, by phone, and/or by mail every day.
62. My daughter (name) operates in Godly wisdom and discipline, and she is full of energy.
63. I never get tired or grow weary when I study the Word, pray, minister, or praise God; but I am alert and full of energy. And as I study, I become more alert and more energized.
64. I will study the Word of God. I will pray.
65. I do not hate or walk in unforgiveness.
66. I do not fear. I am not guilty.
Sword Of The Spirit:
My Hallelujah- Bryan and Katie Torwalt
We all have situations in our lives when we have to choose to forgive. Take a minute and just think of a time where you were wronged or where someone hurt you, you got it? Now remember how it made you feel mentally, spiritually, and physically because it does all 3. It can run the gamut.
What happens when we don’t forgive?
Unforgiveness, pain, or stress can cause heartburn, high blood pressure, migraines, all kinds of sickness, sleep problems, anxiety, depression, and worsen pain. It can also cause us to put up walls, not trust others even when they were not the offender. It can cause us to live in fear, shame, and rejection. Puts distance between you and God, and other people and soooo much more.
Once that offense happens unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, anger, and more can all set in. I’m quite certain we’ve all experienced them at some point in our lives. It’s what we do with when it’s pops it’s ugly head out that matters most.
We can choose to let it makes angry, unhappy, grumpy, miserable, sick, basically it’s like drinking poison and expecting the one who harmed us to die. I’ve been there myself to often and my friend it’s not a fun place to be.
So what’s our other choice? Because we do have another choice, it’s not easy by any means but it is the one that’s best for us and that’s….forgiveness!
I think we get confused, it doesn’t excuse the person or what they did that harmed you, it’s for yourself! It’s for your peace and your joy.
The wrongs that have been done to you can make you bitter or better, but not both. I’m choosing the latter. And yes it’s hard but it’s so worth it!
You may have to do it over and over and over again until one day it just is better and that person or situation no longer has power over you.
I found myself there the other day over a certain situation and I had the choice on what I would do. I’m happy to say after some shed tears, yes Lord 70*7 I choose to forgive, for myself and Lord as hard as it is to say, would You bless my enemies.
Matthew 5:44 “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
What the enemy meant for harm and to destroy, You Lord will work for my good. It’s a promise!
Obviously, God has something so much better for us. Today I can even say thank you for the situation because it’s just given God more of an opportunity to shine in our lives. It’s all for His glory!
Ya know, I share some of my crazy Jerry Springer things or my brokenness and struggles not to air my dirty laundry or make you feel sorry for me but in hopes that maybe through my pain, my trials I can encourage and help someone else along the way! That’s my hearts desire. I never want my pain or tears to be wasted, and I want Him to receive all the glory. I’ve been through some stuff, just like you but I choose to let it make me better and you can too!
So today, I say choose forgiveness sweet friend, not for them but for yourself. God sees what’s going on in the lives of his precious children and don’t think He will not bring vindication and victory in your lives.
It takes time to restore and it may look different than what you think it should look like. But it’s durning those times of restoration that our faith and trust grows and we grow closer to God.
Never doubt God has a plan, He wasn’t caught off guard by what happened to you. His word says, “He will do exceedingly, abundantly, above and beyond all you could hope, ask or think.” Amen!! He loves you with an everlasting love and He will work it all out for your good.
Have a blessed and wonderful weekend! God bless you!
Hey y’all! Hope you guys are having a great week so far. The weather is so pleasant, I think I will be able to pull out my boots pretty soon🙌🏻 Fall and Winter are my favorite months.
I love the holidays. I’ve had my Fall stuff out for at least a month but I’m ready to decorate for Christmas, LOL.
Anywho, last couple of weeks some great things have happened with my blog and ladies small group. As some of you know, I’ve struggled with ED….eating disorder. I stopped abusing diuretics and laxatives a year or so ago when God put his finger on it and said “Now is the time to deal with this Nicole!” So I sought out help and have been in counseling since. Even though I gave up the diuretics and laxatives I was still struggling with not eating or binging…..But I recently had an epiphany.
As I said, something great had happened and God was all in it and when it was over I had a “small binge.” For the life of me I couldn’t understand why. It was so good, there was no need too. I guess for so long I thought it was only in the stressful times or bad times I would deprive myself or binge. Not realizing, I was doing it in the good times as well. I love the misguided self who thinks she can control this ED.
As I talked about what had happened with someone, I realized it went back to my childhood.
There were happy memories associated with food, maybe you already get that but I sure didn’t. Christmas time when the family got together, there was amazing food….well except for my grandmothers oyster dressing 🤢 She always thought I loved it, LOL. It was nothing but a nasty blob of mush.
Family reunions with lots of food and fun.
Birthdays full of fun, presents, and sometimes I would have 3-4 cakes different cakes. I was an only child in a divorced family, so I got to celebrate with a lot of different family members.
I can remember sitting around the table, the yummy smells, eating chocolate peanut butter balls, laughing, telling stories. Those are just some precious memories with my family.
Then as I got older, there were the times my mom and I would go out on the weekends, her in her pink foam rollers and terry cloth jumpers 🙈 We would have lunch and shopped till we dropped. I’m pretty sure that’s where my love of shopping developed, LOL🤣
More memorable, were the times when I was young, scared and afraid, hiding under a table.
Watching my drunk grandfather cuss out and beat up my moms 2nd husband.
Or the time when my grandfather was drunk again and threatened to shoot us. I remember begging my grandmother to call the police and she wouldn’t do it. She didn’t want him to be put away. He needed to be put a away, he needed help. But instead I was locked in a room.
I still remember that bedroom upstairs on the right, it had twin beds. Moma had hand stitched pictures on the walls, so beautiful. But there I was huddled on the floor behind the bed, the smell of moth balls filled the air. Popa’s sister, Aunt Sarah was there with me, I can still feel her arms around me, comforting me, and praying for us. To me her prayers were so powerful. I loved her dearly.
Then there were all the different men my mom dated, loved or married, all having major brokenness in their own life and passing that onto me. I know now she was hurt and wanted to be loved and was willing to do or be anything to get it.
Being raised in alcoholism, is chaotic enough, then there’s all the instability. You never know what to expect. So you learn to not rock the boat.
One step dad was OCD, nothing was ever good enough and he had such an awful temper. I knew he loved me and would buy me whatever I wanted….because that means love right? He scared me. There were times I would seek refuge and hide under the kitchen table in a ball to try and feel safe, and yet it escaped me time and again.
Wondering why this was allowed to go on?
Why didn’t my mom do something about it?
Why did I have to go through this hell?
Then another stepdad was an severe alcoholic. I loved him very much and he was there during some important years of my life. But his pain and brokenness just oozed out on everyone in his life. He didn’t know how to love well. I remember him saying things like;
“I’m a piece of shit!”
“I’m a slut, a whore!”
“No one will ever want you!”
“You will never amount to anything?”
Not only was he verbally abusive but he hit me as well.
Back then I wondered, what did I do wrong? Did I do something to deserve this? Was he told these things as a child? Why did he do those things to me? Why wasn’t I good enough? Why didn’t God stop it? More importantly, why did my mom allow those things to go on? Why didn’t she protect me?
This is when my eating disorder began to show its ugly head. At the time it was my comfort, it was a shelter for me in my storm….until it wasn’t. Then I couldn’t stop it and it took over my life.
I was so hurt and broken at this time, dealing with the shame and guilt of the past. Having been being molested at a young age as well, all I wanted was a way out.
I wanted my pain to stop.
I took an overdose of pills. I wanted to be free.
All I wanted was to feel safe, loved, accepted, treasured….ENOUGH.
Can anyone relate these feelings?
(That Girl Was Me…. Click below)
What happened after that was life altering. There I was revived, broken, and a sassy hotmess! My mom had made the decision to have me put in the hospital in hopes it would save me. Because of that one decision, my life was changed forever. I got the help I so desperately needed and for the first time in my life I felt hope….not freedom but hope that my life can change and be better.
I needed hope but I needed freedom more, but it would come later for me.
Not long after that I met my husband and we got married and my mom divorced and married again.
As a young mom and wife, full of fear, stress, and still looking for that love and acceptance I so desperately wanted….I had to keep up that appearance of having it all together. See you gotta look the part and play the part. Perfection! Plastic People. People will love you IF you’re perfect enough and IF you don’t rock the boat.
How misguided I was.
In the early years of my ED, it was just fun binging here and there with friends, but after I got married and started having kids, all the stress that surrounded that and not having family near to help or a healthy support system, I needed to control more. So, I had to kick up up a notch. One night in my shame and guilt I drank a hefty dose of ipecac syrup after my binge…..y’all! It. Was. The. Worst. Night. Ever!! I don’t know if I’ve ever thrown up so much. I quickly realized I didn’t like that experience lol and set out to find a better way.
Little did I know that my sin would take me further than I wanted to go, keep me longer than I wanted to stay, and cost me more than I wanted to pay. Unknown
I learned that laxatives and diuretics were easier than throwing up. My power was temporarily restored and I felt I had more control, at least in my distorted mind and that went on for 20 more plus years.
I could dress it up like the best of them. I had perfected my mask, so much that I didn’t know how to take it off. I knew I needed help but I didn’t know how.
During a “21 Days Of Prayer” God stuck His finger on it and said “It’s time, Nicole!” That was where my journey to freedom began. As I said before, I threw out all my laxatives and diuretics and haven’t taken them again!
Praise God for opening my heart and eyes. He sets us free sometimes little by little, from glory to glory. I’m not where I want to be but I’m not where I use to be either. Hallelujah!
So I kinda felt a little stuck until I had this epiphany. But I see it so clearly now.
I couldn’t get free because I was holding onto things I needed to let go of. I don’t believe it was ever simply the eating disorder, it was about all the things that happened before that I was holding onto. Things I was shoving down, so far down to the point I couldn’t feel it. I was numb. But once I made that decision to let the Lord in those dark places of my heart I can actually say I’m getting FREE! Freedom is up ahead!
I’m walking it out now, I’m not free from the eating disorder YET, but I will be!!!
All those painful things from my past, the hurts, the brokenness, the trauma, the things the devil meant to harm and destroy me, MY GOD is working for my good!!
I won’t waste my pain, what I’ve been through has created the woman I am today, it doesn’t define me but I have experience, strength and hope now that I can share with whoever the Lord puts in my path.
I’m dealing with a lot of difficult things right now, feeling the pain, the brokenness, but now I know it’s ok to not be ok. I’m on my way. I don’t have to be perfect. All I need to be is who God created me to be. I’m learning to set boundaries with people in my life that once controlled me and healthy ways to handle situations.
I’m learning I have a voice and my feelings matter. They don’t have to be shoved down because someone might get angry, they need to be felt and dealt with and NOT shoved deep.
Now the pain draws me closer to God instead of driving me further away. See the enemy wanted me to be alone and isolated but God created us for relationship. I’m so blessed with family and friends that will hold my arms up when I’m to weak. They will be there for me as soon as I say the word….it may take me a while to say I need help, LOL but I’m getting better at it.
We all need a Titus.
Titus, was one of Paul’s converts and huge help to him in his ministry. Titus was the encourager in his life. When conflict came Paul’s way, Titus would be there in those difficult times or situations.
Life is painful!
Life is hard!
Unfortunately, crappy and unfair things can happen to us but with God on your side and a Titus in your corner, my friend you can’t fail!
That’s why church, small groups, support groups, and counseling are so vital to our lives. We weren’t meant to carry all these heavy burdens alone. We were built for relationships, we were meant to come along side one another in our pain and brokenness so it could bring healing and restoration to our hearts and souls. Who is your Titus?
I’m a Trophy Of Grace and you are too sweet friend!
I hope you have a wonderful week. God bless you!
Good morning beautiful TOG readers!
Just a little reminder today to “Not look back.” Don’t camp where you were once hurt. It’s important to deal with our brokenness and pain but NOT to camp there. Don’t get stuck in the middle my friend. The middle has nothing for you.
“Don’t get stuck in the middle. We have to learn to go the full journey. Someone needs us on the other side of the shore line.” Charlotte Gambill
In Genesis, God reveals to Abraham that Sodom and Gomorrah are to be destroyed for their grave sins. Abraham pleads for the lives of any righteous people living there, especially the lives of his nephew, Lot, and his family. God said He would spare the cities if 10 righteous people can be found. So the LORD sent two angels to Lot in Sodom but are met with an angry, wicked mob who are then struck blind by the angels. Finding only Lot and his family as righteous among them, the angels warn Lot to quickly leave the city and they said “Run for your lives! Don’t look back and don’t stop in the valley. Run to the hills, so that you won’t be killed.”
But Lot’s wife did, and she became a pillar of salt.
Have you stopped in the valley?
Do you keep looking back?
I don’t know about you but I sure don’t want to be a pillar of salt, lol. Nope! Nope! Nope!
Don’t look back and don’t get stuck at the point of your pain. That my friend, I have done, and it’s not a fun place to be. I have been stuck from things of my past and present hurts.
Just a side note, the Bible has amazing accounts and stories in it from murder, hate, jealousy, and even sex. Yep! Sex is in the Bible. Get in the Word😊
Another cool story is the man at the Pool of Bethesda, John 5. “Soon another Feast came around and Jesus was back in Jerusalem. Near the Sheep Gate in Jerusalem there was a pool, called Bethesda, with five alcoves. Hundreds of sick people; blind, crippled, paralyzed were in these alcoves. One man had been an invalid there for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him stretched out by the pool and knew how long he had been there, he said, “Do you want to get well?”
The sick man said, “Sir, when the water is stirred, I don’t have anybody to put me in the pool. By the time I get there, somebody else is already in.”
Sounds like a pity party to me….I’ve had a few of those myself.
Jesus said, “Get up, take your bed, and start walking.” The man was healed on the spot. He picked up his bed and walked off.
That’s what I’m talking about…he was healed and he got about His Father’s business and he told of what Jesus has done for him.
That man sat there for 38 years!!! I’d like to think that in 38 years I could’ve wiggled myself to that pool and just fell into it, LOL. I mean that’s a really, really, long time! 38 years???
But isn’t that what we do sometimes, we get stuck somewhere at the point of our pain and we become paralyzed. I know I’ve been there. Truth is I’ve been there to long myself with some things. But you don’t want to be that man 38 years later and your still camped there.
So I’ll ask you, “Do you really want to be well?”
Bethesda means “house of mercy,” or perhaps “place of flowing water.”
That’s where I’m headed….to Bethesda! The house of mercy, the place of flowing water.
How about you?
“I know it hurts precious one. I know your wounds. I know your disappointments. I’ve seen the betrayals. I’ve seen your tears. I see your brokenness. But what you didn’t realize all along is that I was with you through the pain, and I am here to make it right. I will work it all out, all the pain, the hurt, the disappointment, the betrayals ALL for your good because your are precious in My sight and I love you. I will give you beauty for ashes. But you have to let go of those ashes, leave them behind so I can resurrect you with newness of life. All those things the enemy tried to steal, kill, and destroy, I got your back. I and the God of restoration. No weapon formed against you will prosper. Remember Lot’s wife, and Don’t look back and don’t get stuck in the middle at the point of your pain. Your destiny is ahead, and I am leading you toward your dreams. I have a hope and a future for you. I am able to do immeasurably more than all you can ask, hope for, or imagine.
Hope y’all have a blessed and wonderful day! Remember, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE AWESOME, YOU ARE CHOSEN, AND YOU ARE AN OVERCOMER! YOU ARE A TROPHY OF GRACE!
Praying for you!
Hey y’all! Hope all my TOG readers are doing great! Another beautiful hot day here in Bama.
So much has been going on in my heart lately, dealing with things and issues from my childhood, past, and present. Things that have made me who I am today. But I realize those things don’t have to keep me broken and stuck in the past. They may have had a hand in who I am but they DO NOT DEFINE ME!
In a counseling session this week, as we were going over my life timeline, and wow that’s a job let me just say. As she would repeat back to me my timeline and the things that have happened to me, I could hear it but it was hard to feel some of it. I don’t know if that makes sense or not? I’d think “Wow, yea that really did happen to me” “Oh and that too, and that too” but I’ve tried so hard in my life to shove things down and not feel the pain or emotions of life, maybe you can relate?
For me, if something happened you couldn’t talk about it….it may hurt a family member or make them angry….forget that it hurt you. That was the message I heard.
Then if you did, your feelings were wrong and not relative. So what does one do especially when you’re a child? Well, you quickly learn what’s acceptable and what’s not and then you learn to SHOVE DOWN EVERYTHING ELSE!
For me an eating disorder developed, it was something I could control, or so I thought.
I carried shame and guilt for things that had been done to me, and later things I had done. But it wasn’t mine to carry, neither is it yours sweet friend.
I have felt alone, numb, unworthy, unloved, unwanted, wrong, insecure, the list can go on and on. Maybe you feel those thing right now. You are not alone precious one, you are in good company. God is with you and He loves you at your darkest! He isn’t scared off by your brokenness, He is just waiting for you to invite Him in.
ARE YOU CARRYING THINGS IN YOUR LIFE THAT DON’T BELONG TO YOU?
“And He caused me to pass round about among them, and behold , there were VERY many (human bones) in the open valley or plain, and behold, they were very dry. He said to me, Son of Man can these bones lives? And I answered O Lord God, You know!! Again He said to me, Prophesy to these dry bones and SAY to them, O you dry bones, HEAR THE WORD OF THE LORD. Ezekiel 37:2-4
As I’m on this journey of restoration with God, I’ve realized some things.
One, I’m not alone in this.
Two, I have to let go of the things (or people) I cannot change…I am powerless to fix it but My God is NOT! My God is BIGGER!
And three, the things that need changing, the dry places in my soul….I have to Let Go and Let God.
Today, I can say I’m doing a new thing! I don’t always get it right, but thank God I’m not where I use to be.
Those dry places in my soul and in my life, I’m choosing to feel them, be more vulnerable, and speak life to them. You can do the same thing my friend.
If you need something in your life to change, let me remind you when you let God in ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! Healing and restoration are possible and I’ll even go as far to say it’s inevitable. Because where God is, there is LIFE and there is FREEDOM!
There is life and death in the power of your tongue! Speak LIFE!
The same power that raised Christ from the dead, lives IN YOU!!
Speak God’s word out of your mouth every day and call those things that be not as though they are!! Get in agreement with God’s promises!! Your life and circumstances WILL CHANGE!!
Prophesy to those dry bones!! And keep prophesying till what is dead comes to life. Don’t you dare give up!!
God bless you! I’m praying for y’all and I’d love to hear from you.