Tag Archives: Brokenness

He’s the Chain Breaker

Good morning sweet readers! Hope this finds you well.

Do you struggle with broken places in your life? Places that never seem to get better. If you’re like me you’ve tried to fix those areas instead of allowing God to do his thing in your lives. We say to ourselves I will allow God in this area and that area but “I got this area!”

What I’m learning is that when man tries to fix something that’s broken, it’s usually not as good as what God would do and there’s much struggle trying to accomplish. But when God gets a hold of it, watch out my friend! ALL THINGS BECOME NEW! He revives, He restores and makes things completely whole and new again, better than you could ever imagine. Give him your brokenness. Let him break the chains that bind you.

God wants you to walk in your destiny and all that He has for you.

We all have our issues no matter what they are, you are not alone in whatever it is you’re going through. He wants to heal and restore your family and marriage. He wants to heal you from that sickness or disease you’ve been struggling with for so long. That depression that seems so dark and hopeless, well He IS HOPE to the hopeless. You are never alone, He is always with you.

I don’t believe God causes these things in our life but I do believe he will sometimes allow them for a purpose. He will always use what the enemy meant to harm and destroy and use it for our good and use you to bless, encourage and help ease others suffering.

Oh and that unforgiveness that you so easily hold on to, give that to him as well. He wants to heal ALL your brokenness and break all the chains that bind you precious one.

“The LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” Isaiah 30:18

Let Him break the chains of addictions that have held you captive for so long. “If you need freedom or saving, He’s a prison-shaking Savior. If you’ve got chains, He’s a chain breaker.”

Don’t you forget…..God loves you precious one and wants great things for you!! He makes ALL things new, and will restore to you a double portion of what the enemy has tried to steal from you! He’s The Restorer to the broken and the Chain breaker to those who are bound.

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

Advertisements

You are God’s Masterpiece

Good morning my beautiful friends! Sometimes in life we are just beat down at every turn, to the point that it’s hard to even look up. So today I just want to remind you of how special you are. You were fearfully and wonderfully made. You were NOT a mistake! You may not have had a good start but precious one that doesn’t mean you can’t have a fantastic ending.

Gods got you! He wants to heal you every where you hurt. He wants to heal your broken heart so you can go out and help heal others. You have a job to do now.

Give Him your brokenness, and just see what He does with it and with you. You are special, His beautiful Masterpiece! You are destined for GREATNESS! You are highly favored! You are anointed for hard. You are an overcomer. You are anointed to heal the broken hearted, spread the gospel, share your testimony, and help set the captives FREE!! Ohhh Yes He does have great plans for you! He calls YOU ~OAKS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS!! Now go and walk in it my friend.

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

Overcoming Deep Dark Secrets….Life With An Eating Disorder

Hey y’all! Hope you guys have had a great week. I haven’t talked about this in a minute but I feel like it’s so important, not only for myself but for those suffering in silence. Some of you know I have struggled with an eating disorder for a good portion of my life, that maybe where you find yourself at today. But I want to offer hope to you, hope that you don’t have to stay in the same place as you are today. You don’t have to have the same struggles or battles, if your willing to allow God in and put the work in…..YOU CAN HAVE FREEDOM. It’s there for the taken!! While I’m still on the road to recovery, I’m getting stronger and more free every day, and you can to my friend.

So I want talk about what helped lead up to me even being willing to get help. I’m using the word willing for an important reason because if I said I was waiting on WHEN I FELT LIKE MAKING CHANGES I’d be waiting for an awfully long time. Because we can feel like every Monday we want to start over and TRY to get things right. But in my experience “WE TRY” “WE FEEL” and it hasn’t served me well.

Feelings are so fickle, they are one way one day and different the next. So waiting on your feeling to be what you want….well that day may never come. But if I make a conscious choice to say Lord I’M WILLING that’s different. I’m not giving my feelings a vote.

Our church has a small group/conference called Freedom and WOW it’s incredible! Well I went through it and right when it was time for conference in last December, I got so sick and I couldn’t go. I was so so upset, discouraged and didn’t understand at all. At the time I couldn’t see what God was doing behind the scenes and let me just say He is such a behind scenes kinda Guy.

So the 1st of January rolls around and 21 Days of Fasting And Prayer starts and prolly half way through God stuck His finger right on IT and said “Nicole now is the time, it’s time to deal with your eating disorder.”

“Excuse me Lord but I don’t have a problem.”

Now mind you I was weighing myself everyday sometimes 2-3 times a day. BUT I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM. Denial!

I had been abusing diuretics and laxatives for years. I would fast and I could fast like nobody’s business but then I’d binge…..I was struggling with something, I didn’t know it had a name. It’s name was bulimia.

So it was at the moment I realized why I wasn’t able to go to the Freedom conference. God had something more He needed to deal with me on and bring healing to my soul.

Right then and there I went to my medicine cabinet and threw out all my diuretics and laxatives. Now I’d like to say it was easy from that point on and that I didn’t struggle but because my body was use to them and needed them to go to the bathroom. It was like crucifying the flesh…Ugghhh! There’s a healing period which I’m pretty sure I’m still in, I think it will take a while to heal my intestines, body, spirit, and emotions from all that trauma I put myself through.

It’s funny how we always think no one knows our deep dark secrets because we put on our mask every day and act like we gucci. But ya know what….I know…..God knows. And the pain of holding all of it in or keeping up the image will destroy you.

So after much prayer and seeking the Lord on what to do, the first thing I needed to do was to tell my husband. Oh how I dreaded that conversation, to the point it made me physically ill, like wanting to throw up.

So finally I went downstairs and said “Honey I need to talk to you about something and it’s going to be really hard for me to talk about. Of course I’m already crying and can hardly speak. I know the poor man is prolly thinking “Ohhhh I’m in the doghouse, she about to leave me! Or she’s having a affair!”

I could hardly get it out I was crying so hard but once I did you could see the relief on his face that it wasn’t one of the before mentioned items lol. I’m being so vulnerable baring my soul, and he’s relieved I’m not having an affair. Lol😂 We can look for humor in everything.

I told him how I had been struggling and abusing laxatives and diuretics, fasting and binging. He listened and said “Thank you honey for sharing that with me I know that was extremely hard for you. How can I help or what do you want to do?” Well I had already been looking for a counselors, I thought a nutritionist was a good idea as well. So I started there. I also shared with our 3 daughters, what was hidden in the dark had to come out, so it could hold no more power over me. It was a step toward freedom.

I reached out to a nutritionist who I really like but for me I have to say this is such a tricky part of having a eating disorder. They go over all your healthy issues, keeping in mind your eating disorder and then put you on a meal plan. Well for me what I had found is that I already had such a unhealthy relationship with food you telling me I can’t have a Dr. Pepper and I can only eat these things it wasn’t good for me. Because not realizing but all my life I had been putting certain foods in good categories and bad categories and if I ate from the good category I was good but if I ate or drank from the bad category “I was bad” I would heap so much shame and guilt onto myself which kept me spiraling. Not sure if that makes sense or not, so for a while I’ve been working on just my relationship WITH food. I know there are good and bad foods and our bodies NEED the good foods but your mind and heart still need to make that connection without condemnation and shame being in the picture. So if I ate a brownie or drank a Dr. Pepper I wasn’t a bad person like I fell like I was. It’s crazy what our mind can make us think about ourselves.

Having a eating disorder for me while it is obsessing over weight and food, I’ve also learned it goes sooooo much deeper than that. It went back to things from my childhood that led up to that.

I was raised in alcoholism, with that comes so much baggage. Enabling, people pleasing, codependency, fear, manipulation, people trying to control you, you feeling out of control, and not knowing what the day would hold. I think I learned to try not to rock the boat fairly early in life, that was a safe place….so I thought.

I love my mother and father dearly but they divorced before I was 2 and my father remarried and had 3 other daughters. He wasn’t there for me as much as I would have liked him to be or at the time needed him to be. Our relationship then wasn’t as strong as it is today. Thankful God brings restoration.

I lived with my mother who also remarried 4 times and that was very difficult for me in that I didn’t have a stable father figure. Let me say upfront I do not in any way blame her. She worked hard to raise me the best way she knew how and all she wanted was to be loved. She loved the way she knew how and so did my Dad. And can’t we all relate to that? We all want to be loved and accepted, we do what we know….right or wrong. It definitely hindered me in many ways but it also helped shape me into the woman I am today.

I was molested at a young age and back then that wasn’t something you talked about and they also threatened me about telling anyone. So that was yet another deep dark secret that got stuffed deep down.

Your life shapes you for the good or for the bad and at the moment for me it wasn’t good. Things were quickly building for the perfect storm in my life.

At a young age I quickly learned that when I expressed my feelings I got in trouble, or I was told I was wrong for feeling that way. I was also told on several occasions “If you do that you can’t come back home”. I felt rejected and like what I had to say or what I felt wasn’t important. So what did I do, I stuffed my emotions down further and further. That’s what we are doing with our eating disorders or any addiction for that matter.

By the time I had meet my husband and we married I had such low self esteem. I was constantly comparing myself to other women, and of course never measuring up. I literally hated myself. I would tear myself apart. It’s so sad to say these things but even watching TV was a struggle for me. If a beautiful woman came on tv I began comparing myself to her, telling myself how ugly I was. How my husband prolly would rather have her than me. It was AWFUL!!

The devil knows your weaknesses and he will use them against you. He will whisper lies in your ears and if you’re not careful you’ll believe them and they will hold you captive.

It wasn’t until I went to Al-Anon where I started getting help to deal with others in my life who had drinking problems that I was able to get free from some of that and I began loving myself.

I can remember one day texting my sponsor with tears in my eyes from a baton competition and telling her how much fun I was having and how in the past they were so difficult for me because of all the cute young girl running around in their little costumes. I was getting FREE little by little and it felt so good!!

All the things I’ve talked about cause frustration, confusion, distrust, guilt, rejection, fear of failure, shame, people pleasing and so much more. That’s what you begin to think, act, and do.

So fast forward to going to counseling, I felt like God lead me to this specific person. I mean for goodness sakes her name was Hope!

Hope means a confidant expectation of something good.

Hope was exactly what I had been looking for, for my whole life. Not the person although she’s has been such a blessing in my life but the HOPE God gives us in our time of need.

Hope was what I needed to overcome this disorder and other things in my life that have so enslaved me.

Hope for my future.

Hope for freedom.

Hope to have a voice.

Hope to share my feelings and not feel like I’m wrong for having them.

Just HOPE!

So while I’m still on the road to recovery, I’ll be honest I don’t do the laxatives or diuretics, but on a really bad day or week in my weakness I have turned to fasting and binging sometimes, but not as often as I use too PRAISE GOD!! That’s progress. God is so good and faithful and He will do it for you to precious one.

Today I can say I have HOPE for a better life. A life of freedom. I have good days and bad days but the thing I’m finding so valuable is my VOICE AND MY FEELINGS, whether their good or bad they are mine and it’s ok to have them and express them in a appropriate way. They no longer have to be stuffed!

Learning to not be lead by my feelings but to feel them and know they are real and they are mine and it’s not wrong to have them or express them.

My job is to allow God to bring healing to me, set healthy boundaries, and use my voice when needed and NOT STUFF IT! Stop stuffing things down just because someone may not like it or not want to hear something uncomfortable.

And my goodness stop taken ownership and fixing things that are others responsibilities. I have to stay on my side of the street in order to keep myself in a healthy place.

Precious one you gotta get the Word on inside of you if want to get to the other side of your problem where FREEDOM is. Meditate on it day and night. Pick one, stay on it till it’s deep in you and them move onto the next one.

Psalm 139:14 I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well.

Song of Solomon 4:7 My darling, everything about you is beautiful, and there is nothing at all wrong with you.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Don’t you know that your body is a temple that belongs to the Holy Spirit? The Holy Spirit, whom you received from God, lives in you. You don’t belong to yourselves. You were bought for a price. So bring glory to God in the way you use your body.

Zephaniah 3:17 For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

You are loved my friend! We all have our issues whether it’s an eating disorder or some other kind of addiction God wants you to turn to Him and let Him help you. He will take what the enemy meant to harm and destroy and use for your good. But it’s up to you to let Him. He calls you holy, righteous, beautiful, and His Trophy of Grace

Love and hugs,

Nicole 💗

Please click the link below and enjoy the song You’ll Come by Hillsong

https://youtu.be/2RmZFaruXhs

Perfect Love Cast Out Fear

Have you struggled with fear in some way in your life? I think we all do at times. I know for me I struggled with it for the better part of my life. Fear of failure, fear of rejection that’s was a HUGE one for me. Fear of not being good enough, low self esteem, yea I could go on. And you may find yourself there today. But I’m here to tell you that His perfect love kicks fear to the curb!!! Fear is a LIAR!

We all have a past, we all have deep seeded wounds, but Jesus came to heal you every where you hurt. I was thinking we get dressed every day, for the ladies we put our cute clothes on, we doll ourselves up with hair and makeup, smelly lotions and perfumes. You men y’all are so lucky, you take like a minute to get ready lol. Shower, shave, slap some gel in your hairs, and spray some cologne and your good to go lol. But once we are all done often there is one more thing we all put on before we leave….our mask. Our mask that says “Everything is fine.” “Everything is perfect in my life.” And honestly from the outside it could very well seem that way.

When someone says “Hey, how are you?” And your response is “I’m great! Couldn’t be better!” When really you’re dying and broken on the inside. We answer that way because we don’t want people to think less of us or what would they think if they knew what we were really going through???

First off let me just say YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I have been there myself. I put the mask on for many years not wanting people to know what my struggles were or what was going on in my life.

But if you can dig deep and find the courage to talk and share with someone I promise you, you will find out that you are not alone and that others are going through the same thing as you, or they have been there or they are going through something else equally as hard or harder.

Being vulnerable is hard but once you take that first step you open the door for healing to come in and new friendships to blossom and for the Lord to do a mighty work in your life.

You don’t have to get all fixed up to come to Jesus, church, or small group. Jesus loves you just they way you are, and just where your at!

The church is full of broken people.

People suffering from shame, guilt, drugs, alcoholism, pornography, rejection, infertility, abortions, divorce, rape, molestation, depression/other mental illnesses, and the list goes on and on. God uses the weak and the broken. His Word is full of stories of how He used broken and sinful people to do great and mighty things and He wants to do the same for you precious one.

God is in the restoration business. He will take your broken pieces and put you back together better than you can imagine. He will take your pain and suffering and use it for His glory and purposes and help others in the process. He will take your mess and give you a message.

I look back at 10-15 years ago I wore a mask often and that smile you saw back then was often a sad, fake smile. BUT GOD and I love that he gives us joy for mourning, beauty for our ashes! The smile you see today is real, it’s the joy of the Lord. (I like smiling, smiling my favorite…a little Elf humor LOL)

It’s not a perfect life but it’s a life not lead by fear any more. God is so good and He brings restoration and He will do it for you to my friend!💗

You are a Trophy of Grace!

Love and hugs,

Nicole💗

Click link below for the song Fear is a Liar:

https://g.co/kgs/oSKz9N

Won’t He do it…..

Always pray and never give up! Pray until the answers come my friend.

We are right in the middle of 21 days of prayer and I love how God gives us exactly what we need when we need it. A day sooner or a day later wouldn’t mean the same ya know. Today’s prayer service was so on point, it was as if God stood there and spoke directly to me. I had to listen to it twice.

Day before yesterday I was reading a blog from The Godly Chic Diaries (Shout Out! Go check her out😊) called NEVER GIVE UP and it was so good and a onetime word for me and then today’s prayer service message was exactly the same. Let me tell you God is speaking. I have been going through what seems like a never ending battle and have at times been fearful, discouraged and felt like giving up so thankful for sweet friends and family who speak life and encourage me. And because God is such a cool dude He gave me a 2nd reminder in 3 days of how awesome He is. That’s how much He loves you and me.

Won’t He do it?

Won’t God bring healing to you? Me? Won’t God open the right door for you at the exact time you need it? Won’t He bring victory to our lives at the right time? That thing you’ve prayed for in secret for so long that no one knows about, won’t He bring it to pass? That miracle, that baby you’ve believed God for for so long, that financial need, whatever it is I say let’s continue to stand firm, always praying and never give up. Pray until we see our answers, our victory, our breakthrough come.

Giving up is NOT an option. Stand firm precious one!! He’s working on your behalf and mine. Keep on asking, keep on seeking, keep on knocking. God never grows weary or tired of hearing from you or me.

Lord we come boldly to Your throne with praise and thanksgiving, and we worship You. We thank you for loving us and not giving up on us. I know so many struggling right now who need healing in their bodies, they need strength and peace for the pain and brokenness in their lives. Lord we ask that You move in a mighty mighty way, show yourself strong in my life and those around me. Show your glory Lord, let us walk in Your favor and blessings. We ask, we seek, we knock and we will keep on praying until our answers come and we will NEVER GIVE UP LORD! Our hope and trust is in You, the Way Maker, the Miracle Worker, and the Promise Keeper! In Jesus name, Amen🙏🏻

Love and hugs,

Nicole💗

His Mercies Are New Every Morning

I did something I wasn’t proud of not to long ago, but what got me was how quickly shame, guilt and condemnation came rushing in. I don’t know about you but when when I do something I’m not proud of or something happens I’m not happy about, I can replay it over and over and over, and even get stuck there for days, weeks or months. Think about it, talk about it, think about it, talk about it. But this time was different. See God’s grace is a gift to each of us if we choose to receive it, it’s His free, unmerited favor for you and me.

Receive means to be given or presented with, or paid something. But what I also noticed was the synonyms of the word “receive” is to award and redeem and I love that! So for me I knew that day was going to be different. I was going choose to receive God’s grace, to be awarded and redeemed from what I had done. I didn’t have to dwell there for weeks or months all I had to do was say God forgive me and literally it was wiped clean in an instant and I didn’t wallow in the I guilt, shame and condemnation. It was like it was erased from my mind and normally I would have reminded myself of what I did, how I failed, and replayed it over and over. “See Nicole you haven’t changed at all, you’re no good, God doesn’t love you.” But those are lies straight from the pit of hell!

The faithful love of the Lord never ends. His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness, his mercies are new every morning.

Lamentations 3:22-23

So my challenge to you is wherever you find yourself today, if you’re in that pit I found myself in that day you don’t have to stay there. You can choose grace today! You can choose to be redeemed from whatever it was you did or was done to you. Great is His faithfulness and His mercies are new every morning. So choose grace today and walk in it my friend.

Remember YOU are a trophy of God’s grace and He loves you with an everlasting love and NOTHING you can do will ever change that or separate you from His love.

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

HOPE in the midst of Suffering….

Suffering……. no one likes it and yet suffering is a part of life. We all go through it at some point in our lifetime. You can suffer the pain of change or suffer remaining the way you are. Without suffering how can we experience joy?  

Sometimes suffering comes as a natural consequence to the choices that we have made or others around us and sometimes suffering is just part of living in a fallen world.

Suffering if we let it, is part of our growth and who we become. Either way it’s not easy, so what do we do? We go to the Potter.

“We get to enjoy God on the mountain but we get to know God in the valley.” Dino Rizzo

“Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. Anyone who intends to come with Me has to let Me lead, you’re not in the driver seat; I am! Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all.” Matthew 16:24 Message

Sometimes I think we will try anything, read anything, ask friends for advice, anything at all instead of going to The One who knows what we need.

When we can embrace where were at and trust God that He knows what’s best for us, suffering isn’t as bad as we think it is when it’s producing good fruit and we are changing and growing into what God desires for us.

“For God is working in you, giving you the desire to obey him and the power to do what pleases Him.” Philippines 2:13

Wherever you find yourself today…. suffering or not God is saying “YOU are Mine and I have you in the palm of my hand. I see what your going through. I see your pain. I see each tear you’ve cried precious one.”

You are not alone, He is with you and will never leave you. What you’re going through is not going to last forever, this to will pass. Hope in Me, for My Glory will be manifested in your life and circumstances.

Never forget YOU are a child of the most High God, you have been chosen and set apart for a purpose greater than yourself. He made YOU, YOU are his masterpiece and YOU are one of a kind! He has great and mighty plans for you.

So come to Me with your pain and suffering and I will give you rest….

Hugs,

Nicole💗