Tag Archives: Brokenness

Come Forth

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Have you found yourself in a place you never thought you’d be and you feel like you’ve lost your way?

You only feel pain and despair. Your heart is full of sadness. You feel so far from God, and you drifting aimlessly through life. You doubt God, and all you see is just darkness.

We’ve all been there at some point.

Life can be messy no doubt but as we approach the holidays for some it can be much worse. TV and movies depict a perfect, joyous life, with miracles happening just when you need it. I’m not knocking Hallmark Christmas movies, in fact I’m quite the fan of them but I’m just saying is what we experience isn’t always that perfect life we see on the screen…. all wrapped up in a pretty red bow 🎁

– Maybe you’ve experienced the loss of a loved one.

– Maybe it’s a broken relationship.

– Maybe the children you’ve longed for but it hasn’t happened yet.

– A lost dream.

-The loss of a job.

– Maybe you just dread all the hustle and bustle that the holidays bring.

– Or maybe it’s something as small as the in laws or your crazy uncle Eddie, lol!

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We all are going through something, big or small.

If you’ve fallen and lost your way precious one, allow me to speak life into your darkness. You are not to far gone for God to come down to that miry pit and swoop you up. You are chosen, loved, and fully known. The Lord is near, He’s close to the brokenhearted. He sees your pain, and He sees each tear and has collected each one in a bottle.

Psalm 56:8 “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

Psalm 112:4 “Light dawns in the darkness for the upright; he is gracious, merciful, and righteous.”

If you call on Him, He will come running. He will shine light into your darkness.

You are not forgotten.

Come forth from the darkness my friend.

You were made to live in the Light.

To the doubting voice, allow me to speak to those places of your heart that have lost hope that God can restore what’s broken and shattered in your life. He is the God of restoration and He has a great plan for your life. What the enemy meant to harm and destroy God will work for your good. He will take your mess and give you a message. You may have drifted off track but just jump right back on, he’s the God of second chances, third, forth, tenth, or a hundred. He does not relent.

Gods not disappointed in you, quite the opposite…He’s cheering you on. When you are weak precious one, He is strong. He can give you strength to get through another day.

Nehemiah 8:10 “The JOY of the Lord is your strength.”

Come forth from the doubt that has overtaken you.

You were made to live in the confidence that God has you right in the palm of His hand and He will restore to you what the enemy has stolen.

To the voice of sadness that’s overwhelmed you, I speak victory. Though sadness has lingered on, I say you will not give up for the battle is already won sweet friend. To the voice that says “Just give up” I speak strength to your inner man to keep moving forward and not give up. Gods not done with you yet. You will live and not die. You will press on to all the good things God has for you.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. He will give you joy for morning and beauty for your ashes.

Isaiah 61:3 “and provide for those who grieve in Zion– to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

Come forth from the grief and sadness that has tried to engulf your life.

You were made to live a life of joy.

Let me just say, you can still live a life of joy in the midst of a storm. Joy isn’t the absence of problems, it’s the calm delight in the midst of a storm.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

James 1:2-4 “because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Battle plan:

Praise, praise, and more praise because praise breaks the chains that bind us. Praise gives you strength to keep going. Praise changes the atmosphere.

Build up your support system around you. Friends, loved ones, support groups, or counseling if you need it. You won’t make it alone, you were built for relationship. We are better together.

When all you see is only hopelessness, change your focus and declare You O Lord are a shield around me and the lifter of my head.

When you find yourself wondering aimlessly, remember God is with you and He will direct your path.

When that grief and sadness kick in again, remember He gives JOY for mourning and beauty for your ashes.

When you are weary His word says “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”

When your life has been full of broken promises, His word say “God is not man, that he should lie…” Get in the word and claim His promises for your life.

Maybe you don’t know or even feel it at this moment but Jesus loves YOU at your darkest sweet friend. While we were still sinners Christ died on the cross for you and me.

Come forth the Victory God has already planned for you.

Come forth the Breakthrough for your life that’s already been set in motion.

Come forth spirit of God and do what only You can do.

Come forth and show Your glory Lord.

I pray this holiday season will be one of rest, gratefulness, and JOY UNSPEAKABLE.

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

Breakthrough-Red Rock Worship https://youtu.be/6ni5_JGRrgs

Raise A Hallelujah- Kick Depression To The Curb

Good morning y’all! 🤗 Hope your week is off to a great start. Mine is super busy.
I thought we’d talk about depression today. Have you ever dealt with it? Sometimes I feel as Christians we don’t talk about it enough.
Yes! You can be a Christian and still have depression despite what some people think. And just because you struggle with it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. I think most people at some point their life have struggled with it.
No one is immune to it. It crosses all barriers and races.
There are many causes of depression.

  • Hormone imbalances….such as thyroid, adrenal, menopause, etc.
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Environmental factors.
  • Situational
  • Winter weather for some.
  • Insomnia/sleep deprivation
  • Struggling relationships
  • Vitamin deficiencies
  • Loss of a loved one
  • Loss of a job

I’m sure there are other areas I haven’t mentioned.

First off let me just say if this is you….you are not alone.

I’ve struggled with depression too from time to time. Mostly mine has been hormonal but some situational as well. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

One of my favorite verses is Romans 5:8

My friend, God loves you at your darkest.
He loves you even when you feel unlovable.
He loves you in your guilt and shame.
He loves you in your addiction.
He loves you in the pit.
Even better if you invite Him, he will come down to the pit and raise you up out there, Amen!!
God just loves you the way you are, even in your broken mess.
You don’t have to get all cleaned up to come to Him. You simply come as you are sweet friend!

Praise and worship is so incredibly powerful and it is our weapon that can break chains that bind us, bring healing, deliverance, and restoration to our lives and loved ones. It can opens doors, and it can cause the enemy to scatter in Jesus name! Hallelujah 🙌🏻

The Word says  “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through to the pulling down of strong holds”– 2 Corinthians 10:4

So we have to fight in the invisible realm. Worship and prayer does just that!

I love my worship! Worship changes everything, including the atmosphere.

Man this song Even Louder is one of my new favorites. “The bigger depression hits, the louder my praise gets” Just that one line gets you fired up!

When your in the pits of despair, worship Even Louder.

Get your praise on! Talk back to the devil. Speak the Word.

Praise precedes the victory my friends!

PRAISE HIM IN ALL THINGS! https://nikhop320.wordpress.com/2018/11/11/praise-him-in-all-things/amp/

You can’t wait till all your circumstances are better. No! You gotta praise Him right now…in the storm.

The devil will stop at nothing to destroy and defeat you but you and I already know how the story ends….HaHa! The devil IS DEFEATED AND he IS A LIAR!

Worship pulls down Heaven to earth.

Psalm 22:3 “God inhabits the praises of his people.”

When we learn to praise and worship God in the storm, breakthroughs come, strength comes, and JOY COMES!

We do not have to live defeated lives while we are here in earth. We can get up every morning and CHOOSE to live a victorious life. Let me just say that praise and worship is one of the most powerful weapon God has given us against the devil.

When we pray and worship the devil and all his demons tremble. Don’t you love that?!?! You have the power to make the devil tremble!

Confessions From Joyce Meyer

1. I love all people, and I am loved by all people. 

 2. I prosper in everything I put my hand to. I have prosperity in all areas of my life – spiritually, financially, mentally, and socially.

 3. My children have lots of Christian friends, and God has set aside a Christian wife or husband for each of them.

 4. All my household are blessed in their deeds: we’re blessed when we come in and when we go out.

 5. I take good care of my body. I eat right, I look good, I feel good, and I weigh what God wants me to weigh.

 6. I operate in all the gifts of the Holy Spirit, which are tongues and interpretation of tongues, the working of miracles, discerning of spirits, the word of faith, the word of knowledge, the word of wisdom, healings, and prophecy.

 7. I know God’s voice, and I always obey what He tells me.

 8. The love of God has been shed abroad in my heart by the Holy Ghost.

 9. I do all my work excellently and with great prudence – making the most of all of my time.

 10. I am creative because the Holy Spirit lives in me.

 11. I love to pray. I love to praise and worship God.

 12. I am purposed that my mouth shall not transgress. I will speak forth the righteousness of God all the day long.

 13. I have humbled myself, and God has exalted me.

 14. I am a giver. It is more blessed to give than to receive. I love to give! I have plenty of money to give away all the time.

 15. I cast all my care on the Lord for He cares for me.

 16. I don’t give the devil a foothold in my life. I resist the devil, and he has to flee from me.

17. I don’t have a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.

18. I am not afraid of the faces of man. I am not afraid of the anger of man.

 19. I am a new creature in Christ: old things have passed away, behold, all things are new.

 20. I have died and have been raised with Christ and am now seated in heavenly places.

 21. I am dead to sin and alive unto righteousness.

 22. I am a doer of the Word. I meditate on the Word all the day long.

 23. I am not passive about anything, but I deal with all things in my life immediately.

 24. I do not judge my brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus after the flesh. I am a spiritual man and am judged by no one.

 25. I take every thought captive unto the obedience of Jesus Christ, casting down every imagination, and every high and lofty thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God.

 26. I am a responsible person. I enjoy responsibility, and I rise to every responsibility in Jesus.

 27. I have been set free. I am free to love, to worship, to trust with no fear of rejection or of being hurt.

 28. I have compassion and understanding for all people.

 29. I catch the devil in all of his deceitful lies. I cast them down and choose rather to believe the Word of God.

 30. I am anointed of God for ministry. Hallelujah!

 31. Work is good. I enjoy work. Glory!

 32. I have a teachable spirit.

 33. I do not think more highly of myself than I ought to in the flesh.

 34. Pain cannot successfully come against my body because Jesus bore all my pain.

 35. I am a teacher of the Word.

 36. I lay hands on the sick, and they recover.

 37. I do what I say I will do, and I get where I am going on time.

 38. I don’t hurry and rush; I do one thing at a time.

 39. God opens my mouth, and no man can shut it. God shuts my mouth, and no man can open it.

 40. The law of kindness is in my tongue. Gentleness is in my touch. Mercy and compassion is in my hearing.

 41. As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he; therefore, all of my thoughts are positive.

 42. I do not allow the devil to use my spirit as a garbage dump by meditating on negative things that he offers me.

 43. I am a believer not a doubter.

 44. No weapon that is formed against me shall prosper, but every tongue that rises against me in judgment, I shall show to be in the wrong.

45. I am slow to speak, quick to hear, and slow to anger.

 46. I cast out devils and demons; nothing deadly can hurt me.

 47. I never bind a sister or brother with the words of my mouth.

 48. I am always a positive encouragement. I edify and build up; I never tear down or destroy.

 49. I will cry to God Most High Who performs on my behalf and rewards me.

 50. My son (name) has a sweet personality, and he is not rebellious.

 51. I don’t speak negative things.

 52. My children love to pray and study the Word. They openly and boldly praise God.

53. My children make right choices according to the Word of God.

 54. I am an obedient wife, and no rebellion operates in me.

 55. My husband is wise. He is the king and priest of our home. He makes Godly decisions.

 56. I use my time wisely. All of my prayer and study time is wisely spent.

 57. I walk in the spirit all of the time.

 58. All that I own is paid for. I owe no man anything except to love him in Christ.

 59. I love to bless people and spread the Gospel.

 60. I am an intercessor.

 61. I receive speaking engagements in person, by phone, and/or by mail every day.

 62. My daughter (name) operates in Godly wisdom and discipline, and she is full of energy.

 63. I never get tired or grow weary when I study the Word, pray, minister, or praise God; but I am alert and full of energy. And as I study, I become more alert and more energized.

 64. I will study the Word of God. I will pray.

 65. I do not hate or walk in unforgiveness.

 66. I do not fear. I am not guilty.

Sword Of The Spirit:

Psalm 30:11 “You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,”

 Deuteronomy 31:8 “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

 Psalm 3:3 “But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.”

 Isaiah 40:31 “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

 John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

 Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

 John 16:33 “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Psalm 143:7-8 “Answer me quickly, O Lord! My spirit fails! Hide not your face from me, lest I be like those who go down to the pit. Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.”

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

 Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Father right now we come against that spirit of depression. We declare you have no hold on us. We command you to leave and we send you back to the fiery pits of hell where you came from! You have NO place here! Gods Word says “he inhabits the praises of his people” and we are Your people. You are close to the brokenhearted. We can take comfort in knowing when we are lost, You have found us. When we feel alone and abandoned, Your Word says You will never leave us nor forsake us. When we feel desperate like we can’t go on one more minute, You give strength to weary. Increase our heart of praise and worship. Help us to worship You in the midst of the storm. Bring those along side of us to lift our arms when we can’t. Thank you for loving us, give us peace, comfort and strength to endure our trials in Jesus name, Amen!

Have a blessed and wonderful day!

Big hugs,

Nicole💖

I’m including 2 of my favorite songs to help get you started. Just soak in the worship and the Word, when you do you calling all of Heaven to earth to fight on your behalf and break the chains of depression and bondage

My Hallelujah- Bryan and Katie Torwalt

Nothing can take my hallelujah
Shadows will fade, darkness will break
I’ll keep on singing Your praise
O, what can take away
My hallelujah
No darkness can contain
My hallelujah
Your cross has made the way
For my hallelujah
My hallelujah

Me, I give my all despite my downfalls
Where many see me fail, only You see me prevail
The bigger depression hits, the louder my praise gets
The bigger depression hits, the louder my praise gets, c’mon
Even if the drum stops beating
My soul will keep on singing
Even louder, even louder
Even when my eyes can’t see it
I will sing till I believe it
Even louder, even louder
Even if the drum stops beating
My soul will keep on singing
Even louder, even louder
Even when my eyes can’t see it
I will sing till I believe it
Even louder, even louder
When I lift my voice
Heaven comes to earth
When I sing this song
I feel You respond
When I lift my voice
Heaven comes to earth
When I sing this song
I feel You respond
I feel You respond

To Forgive Or Not Forgive…That Is The Question

We all have situations in our lives when we have to choose to forgive. Take a minute and just think of a time where you were wronged or where someone hurt you, you got it? Now remember how it made you feel mentally, spiritually, and physically because it does all 3. It can run the gamut.

What happens when we don’t forgive?

Unforgiveness, pain, or stress can cause heartburn, high blood pressure, migraines, all kinds of sickness, sleep problems, anxiety, depression, and worsen pain. It can also cause us to put up walls, not trust others even when they were not the offender. It can cause us to live in fear, shame, and rejection. Puts distance between you and God, and other people and soooo much more.

Once that offense happens unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, anger, and more can all set in. I’m quite certain we’ve all experienced them at some point in our lives. It’s what we do with when it’s pops it’s ugly head out that matters most.

We can choose to let it makes angry, unhappy, grumpy, miserable, sick, basically it’s like drinking poison and expecting the one who harmed us to die. I’ve been there myself to often and my friend it’s not a fun place to be.

  • Unforgiveness steals your joy.
  • Unforgiveness actually can make your body sick.
  • Unforgiveness also opens the door for the enemy to work in your life.
  • Unforgiveness can hinder your prayer life, and keep your prayers from being answered.

So what’s our other choice? Because we do have another choice, it’s not easy by any means but it is the one that’s best for us and that’s….forgiveness!

I think we get confused, it doesn’t excuse the person or what they did that harmed you, it’s for yourself! It’s for your peace and your joy.

The wrongs that have been done to you can make you bitter or better, but not both. I’m choosing the latter. And yes it’s hard but it’s so worth it!

You may have to do it over and over and over again until one day it just is better and that person or situation no longer has power over you.

I found myself there the other day over a certain situation and I had the choice on what I would do. I’m happy to say after some shed tears, yes Lord 70*7 I choose to forgive, for myself and Lord as hard as it is to say, would You bless my enemies.

Matthew 18:21-22 “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Matthew 5:44 “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

What the enemy meant for harm and to destroy, You Lord will work for my good. It’s a promise!

Obviously, God has something so much better for us. Today I can even say thank you for the situation because it’s just given God more of an opportunity to shine in our lives. It’s all for His glory!

Ya know, I share some of my crazy Jerry Springer things or my brokenness and struggles not to air my dirty laundry or make you feel sorry for me but in hopes that maybe through my pain, my trials I can encourage and help someone else along the way! That’s my hearts desire. I never want my pain or tears to be wasted, and I want Him to receive all the glory. I’ve been through some stuff, just like you but I choose to let it make me better and you can too!

So today, I say choose forgiveness sweet friend, not for them but for yourself. God sees what’s going on in the lives of his precious children and don’t think He will not bring vindication and victory in your lives.

It takes time to restore and it may look different than what you think it should look like. But it’s durning those times of restoration that our faith and trust grows and we grow closer to God.

Never doubt God has a plan, He wasn’t caught off guard by what happened to you. His word says, “He will do exceedingly, abundantly, above and beyond all you could hope, ask or think.” Amen!! He loves you with an everlasting love and He will work it all out for your good.

Have a blessed and wonderful weekend! God bless you!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

The Misguided SELF- Life With ED And Overcoming My Broken Past

Hey y’all! Hope you guys are having a great week so far. The weather is so pleasant, I think I will be able to pull out my boots pretty soon🙌🏻 Fall and Winter are my favorite months.

I love the holidays. I’ve had my Fall stuff out for at least a month but I’m ready to decorate for Christmas, LOL.

Anywho, last couple of weeks some great things have happened with my blog and ladies small group. As some of you know, I’ve struggled with ED….eating disorder. I stopped abusing diuretics and laxatives a year or so ago when God put his finger on it and said “Now is the time to deal with this Nicole!” So I sought out help and have been in counseling since. Even though I gave up the diuretics and laxatives I was still struggling with not eating or binging…..But I recently had an epiphany.

As I said, something great had happened and God was all in it and when it was over I had a “small binge.” For the life of me I couldn’t understand why. It was so good, there was no need too. I guess for so long I thought it was only in the stressful times or bad times I would deprive myself or binge. Not realizing, I was doing it in the good times as well. I love the misguided self who thinks she can control this ED.

As I talked about what had happened with someone, I realized it went back to my childhood.

There were happy memories associated with food, maybe you already get that but I sure didn’t. Christmas time when the family got together, there was amazing food….well except for my grandmothers oyster dressing 🤢 She always thought I loved it, LOL. It was nothing but a nasty blob of mush.

Family reunions with lots of food and fun.

Birthdays full of fun, presents, and sometimes I would have 3-4 cakes different cakes. I was an only child in a divorced family, so I got to celebrate with a lot of different family members.

I can remember sitting around the table, the yummy smells, eating chocolate peanut butter balls, laughing, telling stories. Those are just some precious memories with my family.

Then as I got older, there were the times my mom and I would go out on the weekends, her in her pink foam rollers and terry cloth jumpers 🙈 We would have lunch and shopped till we dropped. I’m pretty sure that’s where my love of shopping developed, LOL🤣

More memorable, were the times when I was young, scared and afraid, hiding under a table.

Watching my drunk grandfather cuss out and beat up my moms 2nd husband.

Or the time when my grandfather was drunk again and threatened to shoot us. I remember begging my grandmother to call the police and she wouldn’t do it. She didn’t want him to be put away. He needed to be put a away, he needed help. But instead I was locked in a room.

I still remember that bedroom upstairs on the right, it had twin beds. Moma had hand stitched pictures on the walls, so beautiful. But there I was huddled on the floor behind the bed, the smell of moth balls filled the air. Popa’s sister, Aunt Sarah was there with me, I can still feel her arms around me, comforting me, and praying for us. To me her prayers were so powerful. I loved her dearly.

Then there were all the different men my mom dated, loved or married, all having major brokenness in their own life and passing that onto me. I know now she was hurt and wanted to be loved and was willing to do or be anything to get it.

Being raised in alcoholism, is chaotic enough, then there’s all the instability. You never know what to expect. So you learn to not rock the boat.

One step dad was OCD, nothing was ever good enough and he had such an awful temper. I knew he loved me and would buy me whatever I wanted….because that means love right? He scared me. There were times I would seek refuge and hide under the kitchen table in a ball to try and feel safe, and yet it escaped me time and again.

Wondering why this was allowed to go on?

Why didn’t my mom do something about it?

Why did I have to go through this hell?

Then another stepdad was an severe alcoholic. I loved him very much and he was there during some important years of my life. But his pain and brokenness just oozed out on everyone in his life. He didn’t know how to love well. I remember him saying things like;

“I’m a piece of shit!”

“I’m a slut, a whore!”

“No one will ever want you!”

“You will never amount to anything?”

Not only was he verbally abusive but he hit me as well.

Back then I wondered, what did I do wrong? Did I do something to deserve this? Was he told these things as a child? Why did he do those things to me? Why wasn’t I good enough? Why didn’t God stop it? More importantly, why did my mom allow those things to go on? Why didn’t she protect me?

This is when my eating disorder began to show its ugly head. At the time it was my comfort, it was a shelter for me in my storm….until it wasn’t. Then I couldn’t stop it and it took over my life.

I was so hurt and broken at this time, dealing with the shame and guilt of the past. Having been being molested at a young age as well, all I wanted was a way out.

I wanted my pain to stop.

I took an overdose of pills. I wanted to be free.

All I wanted was to feel safe, loved, accepted, treasured….ENOUGH.

Can anyone relate these feelings?

(That Girl Was Me…. Click below)

https://nikhop320.wordpress.com/2018/06/26/that-girl-was-me/

What happened after that was life altering. There I was revived, broken, and a sassy hotmess! My mom had made the decision to have me put in the hospital in hopes it would save me. Because of that one decision, my life was changed forever. I got the help I so desperately needed and for the first time in my life I felt hope….not freedom but hope that my life can change and be better.

I needed hope but I needed freedom more, but it would come later for me.

Not long after that I met my husband and we got married and my mom divorced and married again.

As a young mom and wife, full of fear, stress, and still looking for that love and acceptance I so desperately wanted….I had to keep up that appearance of having it all together. See you gotta look the part and play the part. Perfection! Plastic People. People will love you IF you’re perfect enough and IF you don’t rock the boat.

How misguided I was.

In the early years of my ED, it was just fun binging here and there with friends, but after I got married and started having kids, all the stress that surrounded that and not having family near to help or a healthy support system, I needed to control more. So, I had to kick up up a notch. One night in my shame and guilt I drank a hefty dose of ipecac syrup after my binge…..y’all! It. Was. The. Worst. Night. Ever!! I don’t know if I’ve ever thrown up so much. I quickly realized I didn’t like that experience lol and set out to find a better way.

Little did I know that my sin would take me further than I wanted to go, keep me longer than I wanted to stay, and cost me more than I wanted to pay. Unknown

I learned that laxatives and diuretics were easier than throwing up. My power was temporarily restored and I felt I had more control, at least in my distorted mind and that went on for 20 more plus years.

I could dress it up like the best of them. I had perfected my mask, so much that I didn’t know how to take it off. I knew I needed help but I didn’t know how.

During a “21 Days Of Prayer” God stuck His finger on it and said “It’s time, Nicole!” That was where my journey to freedom began. As I said before, I threw out all my laxatives and diuretics and haven’t taken them again!

Praise God for opening my heart and eyes. He sets us free sometimes little by little, from glory to glory. I’m not where I want to be but I’m not where I use to be either. Hallelujah!

So I kinda felt a little stuck until I had this epiphany. But I see it so clearly now.

I couldn’t get free because I was holding onto things I needed to let go of. I don’t believe it was ever simply the eating disorder, it was about all the things that happened before that I was holding onto. Things I was shoving down, so far down to the point I couldn’t feel it. I was numb. But once I made that decision to let the Lord in those dark places of my heart I can actually say I’m getting FREE! Freedom is up ahead!

I’m walking it out now, I’m not free from the eating disorder YET, but I will be!!!

All those painful things from my past, the hurts, the brokenness, the trauma, the things the devil meant to harm and destroy me, MY GOD is working for my good!!

I won’t waste my pain, what I’ve been through has created the woman I am today, it doesn’t define me but I have experience, strength and hope now that I can share with whoever the Lord puts in my path.

I’m dealing with a lot of difficult things right now, feeling the pain, the brokenness, but now I know it’s ok to not be ok. I’m on my way. I don’t have to be perfect. All I need to be is who God created me to be. I’m learning to set boundaries with people in my life that once controlled me and healthy ways to handle situations.

I’m learning I have a voice and my feelings matter. They don’t have to be shoved down because someone might get angry, they need to be felt and dealt with and NOT shoved deep.

Now the pain draws me closer to God instead of driving me further away. See the enemy wanted me to be alone and isolated but God created us for relationship. I’m so blessed with family and friends that will hold my arms up when I’m to weak. They will be there for me as soon as I say the word….it may take me a while to say I need help, LOL but I’m getting better at it.

We all need a Titus.

Titus, was one of Paul’s converts and huge help to him in his ministry. Titus was the encourager in his life. When conflict came Paul’s way, Titus would be there in those difficult times or situations.

Life is painful!

Life is hard!

Unfortunately, crappy and unfair things can happen to us but with God on your side and a Titus in your corner, my friend you can’t fail!

That’s why church, small groups, support groups, and counseling are so vital to our lives. We weren’t meant to carry all these heavy burdens alone. We were built for relationships, we were meant to come along side one another in our pain and brokenness so it could bring healing and restoration to our hearts and souls. Who is your Titus?

I’m a Trophy Of Grace and you are too sweet friend!

I hope you have a wonderful week. God bless you!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

 

Don’t Look Back & Don’t Get Stuck In The Middle

Good morning beautiful TOG readers!

Just a little reminder today to “Not look back.” Don’t camp where you were once hurt. It’s important to deal with our brokenness and pain but NOT to camp there. Don’t get stuck in the middle my friend. The middle has nothing for you.

“Don’t get stuck in the middle. We have to learn to go the full journey. Someone needs us on the other side of the shore line.” Charlotte Gambill

In Genesis, God reveals to Abraham that Sodom and Gomorrah are to be destroyed for their grave sins. Abraham pleads for the lives of any righteous people living there, especially the lives of his nephew, Lot, and his family. God said He would spare the cities if 10 righteous people can be found. So the LORD sent two angels to Lot in Sodom but are met with an angry, wicked mob who are then struck blind by the angels. Finding only Lot and his family as righteous among them, the angels warn Lot to quickly leave the city and they said “Run for your lives! Don’t look back and don’t stop in the valley. Run to the hills, so that you won’t be killed.”

But Lot’s wife did, and she became a pillar of salt.

Have you stopped in the valley?

Do you keep looking back?

I don’t know about you but I sure don’t want to be a pillar of salt, lol. Nope! Nope! Nope!

Don’t look back and don’t get stuck at the point of your pain. That my friend, I have done, and it’s not a fun place to be. I have been stuck from things of my past and present hurts.

Just a side note, the Bible has amazing accounts and stories in it from murder, hate, jealousy, and even sex. Yep! Sex is in the Bible. Get in the Word😊

Another cool story is the man at the Pool of Bethesda, John 5. “Soon another Feast came around and Jesus was back in Jerusalem. Near the Sheep Gate in Jerusalem there was a pool, called Bethesda, with five alcoves. Hundreds of sick people; blind, crippled, paralyzed were in these alcoves. One man had been an invalid there for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him stretched out by the pool and knew how long he had been there, he said, “Do you want to get well?”

The sick man said, “Sir, when the water is stirred, I don’t have anybody to put me in the pool. By the time I get there, somebody else is already in.”

Sounds like a pity party to me….I’ve had a few of those myself.

Jesus said, “Get up, take your bed, and start walking.” The man was healed on the spot. He picked up his bed and walked off.

That’s what I’m talking about…he was healed and he got about His Father’s business and he told of what Jesus has done for him.

That man sat there for 38 years!!! I’d like to think that in 38 years I could’ve wiggled myself to that pool and just fell into it, LOL. I mean that’s a really, really, long time! 38 years???

But isn’t that what we do sometimes, we get stuck somewhere at the point of our pain and we become paralyzed. I know I’ve been there. Truth is I’ve been there to long myself with some things. But you don’t want to be that man 38 years later and your still camped there.

So I’ll ask you, “Do you really want to be well?

Bethesda means “house of mercy,” or perhaps “place of flowing water.”

That’s where I’m headed….to Bethesda! The house of mercy, the place of flowing water.

How about you?

God says,

I know it hurts precious one. I know your wounds. I know your disappointments. I’ve seen the betrayals. I’ve seen your tears. I see your brokenness. But what you didn’t realize all along is that I was with you through the pain, and I am here to make it right. I will work it all out, all the pain, the hurt, the disappointment, the betrayals ALL for your good because your are precious in My sight and I love you. I will give you beauty for ashes. But you have to let go of those ashes, leave them behind so I can resurrect you with newness of life. All those things the enemy tried to steal, kill, and destroy, I got your back. I and the God of restoration. No weapon formed against you will prosper. Remember Lot’s wife, and Don’t look back and don’t get stuck in the middle at the point of your pain. Your destiny is ahead, and I am leading you toward your dreams. I have a hope and a future for you. I am able to do immeasurably more than all you can ask, hope for, or imagine.

~God

Hope y’all have a blessed and wonderful day! Remember, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE AWESOME, YOU ARE CHOSEN, AND YOU ARE AN OVERCOMER! YOU ARE A TROPHY OF GRACE!

Praying for you!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

Letting Go Of Excess Baggage And Speaking Life To Your Dry Bones

Hey y’all! Hope all my TOG readers are doing great! Another beautiful hot day here in Bama.

So much has been going on in my heart lately, dealing with things and issues from my childhood, past, and present. Things that have made me who I am today. But I realize those things don’t have to keep me broken and stuck in the past. They may have had a hand in who I am but they DO NOT DEFINE ME!

In a counseling session this week, as we were going over my life timeline, and wow that’s a job let me just say. As she would repeat back to me my timeline and the things that have happened to me, I could hear it but it was hard to feel some of it. I don’t know if that makes sense or not? I’d think “Wow, yea that really did happen to me” “Oh and that too, and that too” but I’ve tried so hard in my life to shove things down and not feel the pain or emotions of life, maybe you can relate?

For me, if something happened you couldn’t talk about it….it may hurt a family member or make them angry….forget that it hurt you. That was the message I heard.

Then if you did, your feelings were wrong and not relative. So what does one do especially when you’re a child? Well, you quickly learn what’s acceptable and what’s not and then you learn to SHOVE DOWN EVERYTHING ELSE!

For me an eating disorder developed, it was something I could control, or so I thought.

I carried shame and guilt for things that had been done to me, and later things I had done. But it wasn’t mine to carry, neither is it yours sweet friend.

I have felt alone, numb, unworthy, unloved, unwanted, wrong, insecure, the list can go on and on. Maybe you feel those thing right now. You are not alone precious one, you are in good company. God is with you and He loves you at your darkest! He isn’t scared off by your brokenness, He is just waiting for you to invite Him in.

https://nikhop320.wordpress.com/2018/11/12/i-loved-you-at-your-darkest/

ARE YOU CARRYING THINGS IN YOUR LIFE THAT DON’T BELONG TO YOU?

  • Guilt.
  • Shame
  • Regret
  • Resentment/Unforgiveness
  • Habits/Addictions
  • Anger
  • Past Relationships
  • Stress
  • Worry
  • Anxiety
  • Fear

“And He caused me to pass round about among them, and behold , there were VERY many (human bones) in the open valley or plain, and behold, they were very dry. He said to me, Son of Man can these bones lives? And I answered O Lord God, You know!! Again He said to me, Prophesy to these dry bones and SAY to them, O you dry bones, HEAR THE WORD OF THE LORD. Ezekiel 37:2-4

As I’m on this journey of restoration with God, I’ve realized some things.

One, I’m not alone in this.

Two, I have to let go of the things (or people) I cannot change…I am powerless to fix it but My God is NOT! My God is BIGGER!

And three, the things that need changing, the dry places in my soul….I have to Let Go and Let God.

There’s No Way Around Pain…Feel It And Move Through It

Today, I can say I’m doing a new thing! I don’t always get it right, but thank God I’m not where I use to be.

Those dry places in my soul and in my life, I’m choosing to feel them, be more vulnerable, and speak life to them. You can do the same thing my friend.

If you need something in your life to change, let me remind you when you let God in ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! Healing and restoration are possible and I’ll even go as far to say it’s inevitable. Because where God is, there is LIFE and there is FREEDOM!

There is life and death in the power of your tongue! Speak LIFE!

The same power that raised Christ from the dead, lives IN YOU!!

Speak God’s word out of your mouth every day and call those things that be not as though they are!! Get in agreement with God’s promises!! Your life and circumstances WILL CHANGE!!

Prophesy to those dry bones!! And keep prophesying till what is dead comes to life. Don’t you dare give up!!

God bless you! I’m praying for y’all and I’d love to hear from you.

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

Do You Feel Like You’re Being Sifted?

What the enemy means for harm, God will use for your good.

Do you feel like you’re being sifted?

Oh man, let me tell ya, I’ve been there and it’s not a fun place….but it’s a necessary place.

Sometimes we don’t understand why we go through what we go through but let me encourage you today that it is for a purpose! You may not see it….YET, but you will.

Your sifting may look different than mine. But we’ve all been through struggles or sifting of some kind. It may look like chronic pain or sickness, divorce, addictions, eating disorder, loss of a loved one, relationship issues, honestly it could be a number of things. The struggle may be different but it’s sifting nonetheless.

Your sifting seasons might be excruciatingly painful, lonely, and frustrating. But with God on your side, the sifting can lead to purifying us, seeing what’s on the inside of us that needs to come out. It can show us who or what is causing you harm, things we need to walk away from. Things you need to say “No” too. It can strengthening you, help you rely more on Jesus instead of ourselves or others. It can also grow and mature us in our character and our faith.

We had something happen to us a few years ago and it rocked our world. But now looking back I can see God’s hand was in it all along, he never left, he was with us every step of the way. He knew what was best for us when we didn’t. We needed to go through that to get to the place we are at today. Only God can do that and He knows what’s best for you too.

When something in our lives is ripped away from us or our expectations are shattered into pieces, the effects we feel most are devastation, isolation, pain, and we can question why it happened.

God knows so much more than what we know and sees the whole picture, where we only see what’s happened or happening to us. He sees the beginning to the end.

When we surrender to Jesus and his will for our life, He will sustain us through the our trials and tribulations. Yes, we may suffer grief, pain, isolation, shame or guilt but let me reassure you Jesus doesn’t give up on us. No! He will never leave us or forsake us. No not ever!

Your faith might even wavier and that’s ok my friend because God doesn’t! He’s the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He is the God of restoration, the God of faith, and he is Mighty to save. He will restore what the enemy has stolen from you. He will strengthen you to press through your pain and circumstances and you will be better for it. You will grow in character, and grow more into His image. The Word says we go from glory to glory, Amen!

God will not leave you in the pit. His job is to sift through the good and the bad in our lives, and to bring about all the awesome things He has in store for you.

He’s the Waymaker!

Sweet friend, God knows what you need to be walking in His plans and purposes for your life.

I’ve learned in my own life, sometimes God has to tear things down to rebuild them the way He wants them and for what’s best for us.

It doesn’t make it easy or less painful but knowing God loves you with a everlasting love, and that if you let him He will give you the strength, grace, mercy and wisdom to get through all that you are going through! He will never leave you nor forsake you! This I know.

Nothing has come into your life that wasn’t first sifted through God’s hands. There’s a purpose sweet friend, and He loves you to much to leave you alone and let you stay the same….His plan is for you to be walking in your divine destiny that He has planned for you!!

You are destined for greatness!! You already are victorious even when it doesn’t look like it. You are an overcomer!!

It is written!!!

Have a blessed and wonderful day!

Big hugs,

Nicole 💗