That Girl Was Me….
September is National Suicide Prevention month so I thought I’d reshare you story. I hope it will bless and encourage someone.
That Girl Was Me….
September is National Suicide Prevention month so I thought I’d reshare you story. I hope it will bless and encourage someone.
Hey y’all !! What’s up? What’s up? I haven’t been here in a while, lots going on in our neck of the woods. How about y’all?
My hubby is STILL working from home y’all! Prolly no plans to go back in the office till the first of the year.
My Daddy is in the process of moving here so we are trying to find him a place and get him settled.
Had some close family members with some serious health and my grandmother past away about a month or so ago. No one was able to be with her and she died all alone and I think that just made it more difficult. There are some other things but I can’t share them. Just a difficult season here, which I know it is for many of you.
Had a lot on my mind as we’ve being going through all these different things. Add in my health issues and school, no alone time, being stuck at home 🤪 and the Rona I’ve found myself frozen at times, maybe you can relate to that.
Some of you know I’ve been in school to become a Holistic Health and Wellness practitioner which I’m so excited about this journey the Lord has had me on. It’s just taken me a little longer than I thought it would but it’s ok Imma get there. It’s ALL in Gods timing.
Extending grace to myself is so much harder than it is to do for someone else. I’ve had a lot going on around me and IN me. Some of you know I’ve struggled with ED…….eating disorder. Sometimes ED screams so loud and other days I feel victorious and it’s so quite. I’m in counseling with a nutritionist who is awesome but imma just say it’s hard work and it’s an every day battle.
A battle to NOT weigh myself everyday.
A battle to eat lunch or not eat lunch.
A battle to not restrict food.
A battle to not eat a bunch of cookies or a big cup of Cheeseballs.
It’s just a battle.
I know the battle belongs to the Lord but sometimes we’ve done things for so long they become ingrained in us and they become a habit and it is a process of overcoming.
So where am I at today? And this sooooo soooo important to recall these things.
I’m not where I wanna be but I’m not where I use to be either.
Well….I’m no longer abusing laxatives or diuretics. I haven’t done that in 2 years or more. That’s a big ole W!!! 🎉
There were days I would wake up and decide I’m not going to eat today and I wouldn’t. Now I’ve come to realize that restricting food was a form of punishment to myself. I can tell you that thought hasn’t crossed my mind in months, PRAISE THE LORD!! 🙏🙌🎉
I’m not weighing myself everyday. Y’all literally don’t even know what an amazing accomplishment this is. I would weigh myself everyday, sometimes 2-3 times a day. In order to do this though I had to remove the scale from the bathroom and outta my sight. The first week was so hard I almost got up in the middle of the night to weigh myself, I know it sounds crazy. But that’s ED for ya! I did really well for about 2 or 3 months and not even sure what happened but I decided to go to it’s deep dark hiding place and pulled that evil scale out and stepped on it. THAT WAS A BAD MISTAKE FOR ME! It set me over the top because I had actually gained a little weight. I got in all kinds of fear and old patterns started showing up. Imma do this, Imma do that. I’m not gonna eat this or that. Imma exercise for X amount. That’s ED behavior and it’s what I’m trying to overcome.
But here’s the thing, I’m finally allowing my body and metabolism to heal from all the dieting and self destructive behavior I’ve done to my body so that’s going to happen before it gets better. You can’t put your body through hell for years and years and expect it to perform a peak condition in just a few months. NO it took me a lifetime to get here. It’s a healing process kinda like how our hearts have to heal after being broken. I could just choose something quick and fast because so often quick and fast works, we see results but its temporary and we find ourselves right back in the same place 6 months or 2 years from now at least that’s been my experience. At this place in my life I’m choosing healing and finally getting to the root and freedom even if it takes me a lifetime.
So my whole purpose when the Lord lead me to my counselor, Hope who lead me to the nutritionist, Amie. I said to her I don’t want to lose weight…..well I mean the flesh part of me does but the inner man of me wants freedom and healing and to finally have a healthy relationship with food AND the scale AND love my body AND not curse it.
Far to long I’ve gained my worth and value over what I saw in the mirror and what number I saw on the scale. You may not be able to relate to that particularly. For you it might be how your house looks, the clothes your wear, your job or title, car you drive, your kids, neighborhood you live in, etc. At some point most of us at have tried to find our value in other things. I’m hear to tell you it will LEAVE YOU EMPTY and searching for more my friend!!
Only Jesus can feel that hole that we try so desperately to fill with other things.
Another BIG W 🎉 is I’m eating lunch almost every single day. I haven’t done that in yeeeaaaarrrssss y’all! That’s incredible! But let me tell you how scary that is. To add in eating lunch….a meal I haven’t ate in years AND NOT WEIGHING MYSELF. That’s straight up dope right there!! Lol 😂 But also sooo scary.
I’ve felt for so many years the Lord pull me to Health and Wellness Coaching and Holistic things because I’ve been through so much health wise and it’s always fascinated me.
It’s been my passion AND MY STRUGGLE.
Only GOD can turn, a MESS into a MESSAGE, a TEST into a TESTIMONY, a TRIAL into a TRIUMPH, a VICTIM into a VICTORY.
Let me ask you, do you know what your passionate about?
What causes you pain?
What has been your struggle?
Have you been suffering alone?
Let me just say that’s exactly what the enemy wants you to do is isolate yourself and make you feel all alone when in reality there are many others with the same struggles you have. You just need to find someone you can be vulnerable with, that’s why small groups are so important. Gotta get that plug in lol. We are better together!
This is what I can tell you, it may not make sense but what you’ve struggled with, what has caused you agonizing pain, what’s caused you to isolate is more than likely also something your passionate about and I’ll go even further to say that it could even be YOUR CALLING! Of course, only you know that. But very often that’s the case.
For me sometimes the voice of doubt and insecurity is so loud in my ears….Did God really tell you to do this Nicole? People want somebody who has it all together and knows their stuff. That’s what I tell myself but truth in my heart says, I want someone who’s been in the pit themselves and who knows exactly where I’ve been or where I’m at. I’m willing to bet that’s what you want too.
I read something today that so spoke to me because there are so many days as I go through this process that I feel unqualified and I feel like why on earth would someone ever listen to me I’m STILL STRUGGLING and quite honestly it may always be the “throne in my flesh” but I WILL continue on my journey of wholeness and freedom.
This was the devotion blog. “Currently, I’m in a season where anorexia is trying to win again. Let me share some truth with you. What ever battle you’re facing today, whether it’s comparison, doubt, pride, lust, self harm, fill in the blank ____. This does not define you! My eating disorder does not define me. It’s apart of my story and my story is still being written, Your story is still being written!”
This is as real as it gets right here folks. She’s STILL struggling and she’s STILL helping and encouraging people. I LOVE THAT SO MUCH! “It’s part of her story,” just like it’s part of MY STORY AND YOUR STORY. We don’t have to have it all together to help someone we just need to be willing and available.
What I hope and pray people see is the real me, the one who will sit down with you and take the mask off and say “Hey, this is my struggle too and precious friend you’re not alone.” This is me in my brokenness….my passion and my struggles!
I AM A TROPHY OF GRACE AND SO ARE YOU SWEET FRIEND!
God bless you and know that I am praying for you.
Hey y’all! Hope you had a great week last week. Ours was busy but in a good way. I had lots of homework, test, small group stuff, house to clean which is somehow a mess again🙈😐 We met our new foster grands. They are simply precious, just melt your heart💗💙
Recently, I’ve been thinking about how often our brokenness can keep us stuck at the place of our pain. The place where our pain first began. I’m only speaking for myself but I personally have struggled with this at times. Maybe you have too?
I’m so thankful at how God has brought me through so many dark places in my life and I’m seeing victory and freedom and then there are still some areas where I’m not there….YET. It’s that thorn of the flesh so to speak. But, it continues to draw me closer to God and that is a great thing.
I may not be there YET and you might not be there YET….but we are not where we use to be and that’s news worth shouting! 🙌🏻🙌🏻 Freedom is there for the taking we just have to continue to walk it out, walk through some things…..let go of some things, to get to what’s already been placed INSIDE OF US. He’s already placed everything we need on the inside of us. Isn’t that awesome?!?!
For me, the brokenness I’m referring to in my life is from someone who hurt me years ago but sometimes the wound can still be so fresh. Different sounds, smells, situations can bring that memory flooding back to me and each time I have choose to forgive. See forgiveness isn’t a feeling, because if I’m honest in the past I’ve been like “Lord get em, drop large boulder and some hot coals on them, make them suffer like they’ve hurt me.” Now I know that’s not Christian like but that’s the hurt and human side of me and it’s just me being real. But my God says to forgive and forgiveness is a choice and one we have to continue to make over and over again. I’ve found eventually over time, and it might take a long time but our feelings will catch up and that person, that event, or situation won’t feel the same anymore.
Circling back to the getting stuck at the point of our pain I spoke of at the beginning. See I’ve been there and it’s a dark place. But sometimes when your stuck there you need someone to come to where your at, sit with you, hold you, and cry with you. There’s healing in those tears. There’s healing when a friend or loved one comes to that dark place your at and their willing to be with you and lift you up. It might even be the person that made you get stuck at the point of your pain. What a beautiful thing I think that is but sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s a friend/loved one you’ve confided in or its Jesus….our Savior. He comes to our rescue if you call on Him.
He loved me at my darkest. He came to the pit I was in and called me out. He took off my grave clothes and He gave me a new name. He’ll do the same for you too.
See when I felt unworthy and unlovable, He told me He loved me with an everlasting love.
When I felt ugly and unwanted, He called me cherished, beautiful and accepted.
When I felt shame and guilt for what had been done to me, He told me I have been redeemed and set free. I am a new creature in Christ. I am chosen, holy and blameless before God. I am Gods masterpiece, the apple of His eye.
Maybe you need to hear that today. You are beautiful, treasured, cherished, fearfully and wonderfully made, precious in His sight. You are loved with an everlasting love and nothing you can do can separate you from the love of God. YOU….precious one are chosen, holy, and dearly loved! THAT IS WHO YOU ARE! Make no mistake.
God bless you! Have a blessed and wonderful week. If I can pray for somehow please let me know, I’d be honored to do so.
I Won’t Move Life.Church Worship
When my eyes cannot see it’s your voice that’s leading me, out of darkness into light. It’s your love breaking through the night I won’t move until you soeak….You Break the walls apart. You heal the wounded heart, I won’t move until you speak. You calm the raging sea. You crush the enemy. I won’t move until you speak💗
Have you found yourself in a place you never thought you’d be and you feel like you’ve lost your way?
You only feel pain and despair. Your heart is full of sadness. You feel so far from God, and you drifting aimlessly through life. You doubt God, and all you see is just darkness.
We’ve all been there at some point.
Life can be messy no doubt but as we approach the holidays for some it can be much worse. TV and movies depict a perfect, joyous life, with miracles happening just when you need it. I’m not knocking Hallmark Christmas movies, in fact I’m quite the fan of them but I’m just saying is what we experience isn’t always that perfect life we see on the screen…. all wrapped up in a pretty red bow 🎁
– Maybe you’ve experienced the loss of a loved one.
– Maybe it’s a broken relationship.
– Maybe the children you’ve longed for but it hasn’t happened yet.
– A lost dream.
-The loss of a job.
– Maybe you just dread all the hustle and bustle that the holidays bring.
– Or maybe it’s something as small as the in laws or your crazy uncle Eddie, lol!
We all are going through something, big or small.
If you’ve fallen and lost your way precious one, allow me to speak life into your darkness. You are not to far gone for God to come down to that miry pit and swoop you up. You are chosen, loved, and fully known. The Lord is near, He’s close to the brokenhearted. He sees your pain, and He sees each tear and has collected each one in a bottle.
Psalm 112:4 “Light dawns in the darkness for the upright; he is gracious, merciful, and righteous.”
If you call on Him, He will come running. He will shine light into your darkness.
You are not forgotten.
Come forth from the darkness my friend.
You were made to live in the Light.
To the doubting voice, allow me to speak to those places of your heart that have lost hope that God can restore what’s broken and shattered in your life. He is the God of restoration and He has a great plan for your life. What the enemy meant to harm and destroy God will work for your good. He will take your mess and give you a message. You may have drifted off track but just jump right back on, he’s the God of second chances, third, forth, tenth, or a hundred. He does not relent.
Gods not disappointed in you, quite the opposite…He’s cheering you on. When you are weak precious one, He is strong. He can give you strength to get through another day.
Nehemiah 8:10 “The JOY of the Lord is your strength.”
Come forth from the doubt that has overtaken you.
You were made to live in the confidence that God has you right in the palm of His hand and He will restore to you what the enemy has stolen.
To the voice of sadness that’s overwhelmed you, I speak victory. Though sadness has lingered on, I say you will not give up for the battle is already won sweet friend. To the voice that says “Just give up” I speak strength to your inner man to keep moving forward and not give up. Gods not done with you yet. You will live and not die. You will press on to all the good things God has for you.
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. He will give you joy for morning and beauty for your ashes.
Isaiah 61:3 “and provide for those who grieve in Zion– to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.“
Come forth from the grief and sadness that has tried to engulf your life.
You were made to live a life of joy.
Let me just say, you can still live a life of joy in the midst of a storm. Joy isn’t the absence of problems, it’s the calm delight in the midst of a storm.
Praise, praise, and more praise because praise breaks the chains that bind us. Praise gives you strength to keep going. Praise changes the atmosphere.
Build up your support system around you. Friends, loved ones, support groups, or counseling if you need it. You won’t make it alone, you were built for relationship. We are better together.
When all you see is only hopelessness, change your focus and declare You O Lord are a shield around me and the lifter of my head.
When you find yourself wondering aimlessly, remember God is with you and He will direct your path.
When that grief and sadness kick in again, remember He gives JOY for mourning and beauty for your ashes.
When you are weary His word says “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”
When your life has been full of broken promises, His word say “God is not man, that he should lie…” Get in the word and claim His promises for your life.
Maybe you don’t know or even feel it at this moment but Jesus loves YOU at your darkest sweet friend. While we were still sinners Christ died on the cross for you and me.
Come forth the Victory God has already planned for you.
Come forth the Breakthrough for your life that’s already been set in motion.
Come forth spirit of God and do what only You can do.
Come forth and show Your glory Lord.
I pray this holiday season will be one of rest, gratefulness, and JOY UNSPEAKABLE.
Breakthrough-Red Rock Worship https://youtu.be/6ni5_JGRrgs
Good morning beautiful TOG readers!
Just a little reminder today to “Not look back.” Don’t camp where you were once hurt. It’s important to deal with our brokenness and pain but NOT to camp there. Don’t get stuck in the middle my friend. The middle has nothing for you.
“Don’t get stuck in the middle. We have to learn to go the full journey. Someone needs us on the other side of the shore line.” Charlotte Gambill
In Genesis, God reveals to Abraham that Sodom and Gomorrah are to be destroyed for their grave sins. Abraham pleads for the lives of any righteous people living there, especially the lives of his nephew, Lot, and his family. God said He would spare the cities if 10 righteous people can be found. So the LORD sent two angels to Lot in Sodom but are met with an angry, wicked mob who are then struck blind by the angels. Finding only Lot and his family as righteous among them, the angels warn Lot to quickly leave the city and they said “Run for your lives! Don’t look back and don’t stop in the valley. Run to the hills, so that you won’t be killed.”
But Lot’s wife did, and she became a pillar of salt.
Have you stopped in the valley?
Do you keep looking back?
I don’t know about you but I sure don’t want to be a pillar of salt, lol. Nope! Nope! Nope!
Don’t look back and don’t get stuck at the point of your pain. That my friend, I have done, and it’s not a fun place to be. I have been stuck from things of my past and present hurts.
Just a side note, the Bible has amazing accounts and stories in it from murder, hate, jealousy, and even sex. Yep! Sex is in the Bible. Get in the Word😊
Another cool story is the man at the Pool of Bethesda, John 5. “Soon another Feast came around and Jesus was back in Jerusalem. Near the Sheep Gate in Jerusalem there was a pool, called Bethesda, with five alcoves. Hundreds of sick people; blind, crippled, paralyzed were in these alcoves. One man had been an invalid there for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him stretched out by the pool and knew how long he had been there, he said, “Do you want to get well?”
The sick man said, “Sir, when the water is stirred, I don’t have anybody to put me in the pool. By the time I get there, somebody else is already in.”
Sounds like a pity party to me….I’ve had a few of those myself.
Jesus said, “Get up, take your bed, and start walking.” The man was healed on the spot. He picked up his bed and walked off.
That’s what I’m talking about…he was healed and he got about His Father’s business and he told of what Jesus has done for him.
That man sat there for 38 years!!! I’d like to think that in 38 years I could’ve wiggled myself to that pool and just fell into it, LOL. I mean that’s a really, really, long time! 38 years???
But isn’t that what we do sometimes, we get stuck somewhere at the point of our pain and we become paralyzed. I know I’ve been there. Truth is I’ve been there to long myself with some things. But you don’t want to be that man 38 years later and your still camped there.
So I’ll ask you, “Do you really want to be well?”
Bethesda means “house of mercy,” or perhaps “place of flowing water.”
That’s where I’m headed….to Bethesda! The house of mercy, the place of flowing water.
How about you?
“I know it hurts precious one. I know your wounds. I know your disappointments. I’ve seen the betrayals. I’ve seen your tears. I see your brokenness. But what you didn’t realize all along is that I was with you through the pain, and I am here to make it right. I will work it all out, all the pain, the hurt, the disappointment, the betrayals ALL for your good because your are precious in My sight and I love you. I will give you beauty for ashes. But you have to let go of those ashes, leave them behind so I can resurrect you with newness of life. All those things the enemy tried to steal, kill, and destroy, I got your back. I and the God of restoration. No weapon formed against you will prosper. Remember Lot’s wife, and Don’t look back and don’t get stuck in the middle at the point of your pain. Your destiny is ahead, and I am leading you toward your dreams. I have a hope and a future for you. I am able to do immeasurably more than all you can ask, hope for, or imagine.
Hope y’all have a blessed and wonderful day! Remember, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE AWESOME, YOU ARE CHOSEN, AND YOU ARE AN OVERCOMER! YOU ARE A TROPHY OF GRACE!
Praying for you!
Good morning beautiful TOG readers!
Are you in a battle today?
Do you feel hopeless as if things will never change or there is no way out?
Let me encourage you today, one of the many names of God is Jehovah Nissi, it means “The Lord, My Banner.”
He is our means for Victory, He fights for His sons and daughters. Look to Him to fight for you instead of trying to do it in your own strength.
See, apart from him we can do nothing! But with him you can do ALL things!
In Ps 23:5 it says “You prepare a banquet for me while my enemies watch, You anoint my head with oil and my cup runs over.”
Whatever you need VICTORY in, turn it over to Him. He is you Victor!! He will restore to you a double portion for all your troubles!!
He gives Beauty for ashes precious one.
Sword Of The Spirit
Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you He will not fail you or forsake you
Psalm 27:1 “The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread?”
Deuteronomy 20:4 “for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.”
Psalm 18:39 “For You have girded me with strength for battle; You have subdued under me those who rose up against me.”
Psalm 34:17 “The righteous cry, and the LORD hears And delivers them out of all their troubles.”
Deuteronomy 20:1 “When you go out to battle against your enemies and see horses and chariots and people more numerous than you, do not be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, who brought you up from the land of Egypt, is with you.”
Luke 10:19 “Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing will injure you.
Isaiah 41:10 “Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”
Exodus 15:3 “The LORD is a warrior; The LORD is His name.”
Psalm 28:7 “The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, And with my song I shall thank Him.”
Have a blessed and wonderful day! Big hugs,
IN THE NAME OF JESUS– Darlene Zschech