Tag Archives: Addiction

Fasting and Eating Disorders

The kind of fasting I want is this: Remove the chains of oppression and the yoke of injustice, and let the oppressed go free. Share your food with the hungry and open your homes to the homeless poor. Give clothes to those who have nothing to wear, and do not refuse to help your own relatives. Then my favor will shine on you like the morning sun, and your wounds will be quickly healed. I will always be with you to save you; my presence will protect you on every side. Isaiah 58:6-8

I’ve learned so much as I walk out and get free from ED (eating disorder) 21 days of fasting and prayer have always been one of my favorite times of the year but also a time that caused me great pain and confusion. Over the last year though I’ve learned why.

Fasting can be very triggering for someone who suffers from an eating disorder.

This one word….Fasting….can cause my world to fall apart completely.

We study the life of Christ and his spiritual disciplines and we learn how important fasting and prayer are and how they can break the chains that bind us.

Prayer changes everything.

However, when one has an eating disorder fasting can destroy any and all progress you have made.

Restricting is NEVER GOOD under any circumstances.

Restricting TRIGGERS even done under the best of intentions.

Most people that do 21 days of prayer in January they might do the Daniel Fast, food altogether, sugar, 1- 2 meals a day, etc. But in my brain, that simple suggestion to skip or restrict a meal can flip a switch that cannot be easily turned off and send me spiraling.

I can remember over the years when I started realizing I was struggling in this area I just didn’t know why or how or what to do to help myself. 21 days of prayer and fasting would roll around and I decide to do Daniel fast and fail miserable. Enter shame and guilt.

Then I’d decided to fast sugar, same thing, I’d fail miserably. Enter more shame and guilt. I’d ask myself time and time again “Why can’t I do this?”

I know people mean well but there are some people that will shame you for not fasting what they’re fasting. That happened to me countless times. Let me just say I don’t need someone else heaping more shame and guilt on me I’ve done enough of that myself. You should NEVER shame anyone for doing something differently or not doing something you are doing because you have no idea what they are going through.

I read somewhere, “In many cases, asking a recovering eating disordered individual to fast for a single meal would be like inviting a recovering alcoholic to drink a beer: It is absolutely disastrous.” Let me just say it’s VERY TRUE!

I’m so thankful in so many ways for 2020. I believe I’ve grown more in my eating disorder which is mind blowing because during a pandemic eating disorders as well as other addictions and disorders were skyrocketing. Not to say, I didn’t have my challenges but I praise God He was moving and working in me and through me to gain more freedom instead of losing freedom.

So as we start this season of 21 Days of Fasting and Prayer, FOOD IS NOT AN OPTION FOR ME and even though it’s taken me a really long time to believe this….It’s ok!

I know we are called to Fast and Pray it’s all over the Bible. It was through 21 days of Fasting and Prayer when God finally said “Nicole, now is the time to deal with this secret problem you have.” He told me to throw out my diuretics and laxatives that I had been abusing for sooooo many years and I was set free right there! Haven’t touched another laxative or diuretic since. So I KNOW fasting and prayer work. It’s just mine and maybe yours needs to look differently and ITS OK.

We have to protect our own recovery. I have worked soooo incredibly hard to get to where I’m at and I have such a long way to go but you best believe I’m protective of myself.

Fasting is simply laying aside SELF. Who couldn’t benefit from that, right?

Fasting is clearing out the clutter that we’ve let in and allowing God in those places. I’m sure there are many areas we can come up with to give up or Fast from that don’t involve food.

Fasting is about growing closer to God.

More of Him and less of me.

Fasting is NOT a diet and some people use it to lose weight at the beginning of the year but don’t work on the drawing closer to Him part.

Ideas of things you can FAST:

Social Media

Gossip

TV

Video Games

Online Shopping 😱🙈 my hubby would prolly like me to do this one LOL😜

Secular Music

Negative Self Talk

Don’t Eat Out

There’s so many things you could Fast instead of food. It’s not about what your giving up it’s that you are dying to self so that Christ can be glorified through us.

Maybe, just maybe, me walking in my recovery, following my meal plan for someone with ED….maybe MY FAST. See now I’m learning self care and how to nourish myself….that’s a sacrifice and takes a lot of time and prayer.

So yes, I’m excited about 21 Days of Fasting and Prayer! But I WILL NOT be fasting food in any way. My ED recovery is to precious to me and I’ve come to far for that. I look forward to seeing what our Mighty God will do during this season.

I’m believing and expecting great things for you and for me. God bless you and I hope you have a wonderful week!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

I still believe You’re moving. I still believe You’re speaking God, I believe You’re working All things for good. I fix my eyes on Heaven God, I receive Your vision God, I believe You’re working All things for good. We sing come alive in the name of Jesus. Come alive in the name of Jesus. This is a house of miracles. We bring everything to the feet of Jesus. Everything in the name of Jesus. This is a house of miracles💗🙏🙌💯⚓️

My Passion And My Struggle

Hey y’all !! What’s up? What’s up? I haven’t been here in a while, lots going on in our neck of the woods. How about y’all?

My hubby is STILL working from home y’all! Prolly no plans to go back in the office till the first of the year.

Imma lose my mind y’all 🤣🤣🤣🤣

My Daddy is in the process of moving here so we are trying to find him a place and get him settled.

Had some close family members with some serious health and my grandmother past away about a month or so ago. No one was able to be with her and she died all alone and I think that just made it more difficult. There are some other things but I can’t share them. Just a difficult season here, which I know it is for many of you.

Had a lot on my mind as we’ve being going through all these different things. Add in my health issues and school, no alone time, being stuck at home 🤪 and the Rona I’ve found myself frozen at times, maybe you can relate to that.

Some of you know I’ve been in school to become a Holistic Health and Wellness practitioner which I’m so excited about this journey the Lord has had me on. It’s just taken me a little longer than I thought it would but it’s ok Imma get there. It’s ALL in Gods timing.

Extending grace to myself is so much harder than it is to do for someone else. I’ve had a lot going on around me and IN me. Some of you know I’ve struggled with ED…….eating disorder. Sometimes ED screams so loud and other days I feel victorious and it’s so quite. I’m in counseling with a nutritionist who is awesome but imma just say it’s hard work and it’s an every day battle.

A battle to NOT weigh myself everyday.

A battle to eat lunch or not eat lunch.

A battle to not restrict food.

A battle to not eat a bunch of cookies or a big cup of Cheeseballs.

It’s just a battle.

I know the battle belongs to the Lord but sometimes we’ve done things for so long they become ingrained in us and they become a habit and it is a process of overcoming.

So where am I at today? And this sooooo soooo important to recall these things.

I’m not where I wanna be but I’m not where I use to be either.

Well….I’m no longer abusing laxatives or diuretics. I haven’t done that in 2 years or more. That’s a big ole W!!! 🎉

There were days I would wake up and decide I’m not going to eat today and I wouldn’t. Now I’ve come to realize that restricting food was a form of punishment to myself. I can tell you that thought hasn’t crossed my mind in months, PRAISE THE LORD!! 🙏🙌🎉

I’m not weighing myself everyday. Y’all literally don’t even know what an amazing accomplishment this is. I would weigh myself everyday, sometimes 2-3 times a day. In order to do this though I had to remove the scale from the bathroom and outta my sight. The first week was so hard I almost got up in the middle of the night to weigh myself, I know it sounds crazy. But that’s ED for ya! I did really well for about 2 or 3 months and not even sure what happened but I decided to go to it’s deep dark hiding place and pulled that evil scale out and stepped on it. THAT WAS A BAD MISTAKE FOR ME! It set me over the top because I had actually gained a little weight. I got in all kinds of fear and old patterns started showing up. Imma do this, Imma do that. I’m not gonna eat this or that. Imma exercise for X amount. That’s ED behavior and it’s what I’m trying to overcome.

But here’s the thing, I’m finally allowing my body and metabolism to heal from all the dieting and self destructive behavior I’ve done to my body so that’s going to happen before it gets better. You can’t put your body through hell for years and years and expect it to perform a peak condition in just a few months. NO it took me a lifetime to get here. It’s a healing process kinda like how our hearts have to heal after being broken. I could just choose something quick and fast because so often quick and fast works, we see results but its temporary and we find ourselves right back in the same place 6 months or 2 years from now at least that’s been my experience. At this place in my life I’m choosing healing and finally getting to the root and freedom even if it takes me a lifetime.

So my whole purpose when the Lord lead me to my counselor, Hope who lead me to the nutritionist, Amie. I said to her I don’t want to lose weight…..well I mean the flesh part of me does but the inner man of me wants freedom and healing and to finally have a healthy relationship with food AND the scale AND love my body AND not curse it.

Far to long I’ve gained my worth and value over what I saw in the mirror and what number I saw on the scale. You may not be able to relate to that particularly. For you it might be how your house looks, the clothes your wear, your job or title, car you drive, your kids, neighborhood you live in, etc. At some point most of us at have tried to find our value in other things. I’m hear to tell you it will LEAVE YOU EMPTY and searching for more my friend!!

Only Jesus can feel that hole that we try so desperately to fill with other things.

Another BIG W 🎉 is I’m eating lunch almost every single day. I haven’t done that in yeeeaaaarrrssss y’all! That’s incredible! But let me tell you how scary that is. To add in eating lunch….a meal I haven’t ate in years AND NOT WEIGHING MYSELF. That’s straight up dope right there!! Lol 😂 But also sooo scary.

I’ve felt for so many years the Lord pull me to Health and Wellness Coaching and Holistic things because I’ve been through so much health wise and it’s always fascinated me.

It’s been my passion AND MY STRUGGLE.

Only GOD can turn, a MESS into a MESSAGE, a TEST into a TESTIMONY, a TRIAL into a TRIUMPH, a VICTIM into a VICTORY.

Let me ask you, do you know what your passionate about?

What causes you pain?

What has been your struggle?

Have you been suffering alone?

Let me just say that’s exactly what the enemy wants you to do is isolate yourself and make you feel all alone when in reality there are many others with the same struggles you have. You just need to find someone you can be vulnerable with, that’s why small groups are so important. Gotta get that plug in lol. We are better together!

This is what I can tell you, it may not make sense but what you’ve struggled with, what has caused you agonizing pain, what’s caused you to isolate is more than likely also something your passionate about and I’ll go even further to say that it could even be YOUR CALLING! Of course, only you know that. But very often that’s the case.

For me sometimes the voice of doubt and insecurity is so loud in my ears….Did God really tell you to do this Nicole? People want somebody who has it all together and knows their stuff. That’s what I tell myself but truth in my heart says, I want someone who’s been in the pit themselves and who knows exactly where I’ve been or where I’m at. I’m willing to bet that’s what you want too.

I read something today that so spoke to me because there are so many days as I go through this process that I feel unqualified and I feel like why on earth would someone ever listen to me I’m STILL STRUGGLING and quite honestly it may always be the “throne in my flesh” but I WILL continue on my journey of wholeness and freedom.

This was the devotion blog. “Currently, I’m in a season where anorexia is trying to win again. Let me share some truth with you. What ever battle you’re facing today, whether it’s comparison, doubt, pride, lust, self harm, fill in the blank ____. This does not define you! My eating disorder does not define me. It’s apart of my story and my story is still being written, Your story is still being written!”

This is as real as it gets right here folks. She’s STILL struggling and she’s STILL helping and encouraging people. I LOVE THAT SO MUCH! “It’s part of her story,” just like it’s part of MY STORY AND YOUR STORY. We don’t have to have it all together to help someone we just need to be willing and available.

What I hope and pray people see is the real me, the one who will sit down with you and take the mask off and say “Hey, this is my struggle too and precious friend you’re not alone.” This is me in my brokenness….my passion and my struggles!

I AM A TROPHY OF GRACE AND SO ARE YOU SWEET FRIEND!

God bless you and know that I am praying for you.

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

The Body Of Christ Needs You & Your Gifts

Hey y’all!! How’s it going in your neck of the woods? I’ve been spring cleaning…UGH! Washing drapes, cleaning walls, floors, linens…it really needed to be done. I really need help with all this though, now my back is a mess as I sit on my heating pad and write this lol.

I was just wonder if you truly know how special you are?

Do you know that you have gifts and talents that someone else needs?

Sweet friend YOU have been anointed for such a time as this. God has a great plan and purpose for you, a plan that only you can fulfill.

Someone out there needs the gifts and talents that only you have, they need you to step out into your destiny so they can be changed and set free!

The Church….the body of Christ needs YOU.

There’s so many areas you could serve in and we will talk about some of them. Some you may have never thought about and others maybe you don’t have in your church yet but maybe you could start them.

It’s great to go to church but it’s a whole other level when you are serving in your church in the capacity you are called too. You become part of a family, a team, and you grow spiritually. You have ownership of your church, it’s kinda hard for me to describe. It’s just different then just going to service and rushing out. I LOVE MY CHURCH! I’m pretty sure it’s the best church on the planet💗

Areas To Serve In At Church:

1. Kids or Nursery- This may well be your calling to work with children or babies, what a blessing that is if that’s you. It’s so needed. Me however, you would find out real quick that was not my gifting LOL🤣🙈

2. Leading a small group. That’s what makes a big church small. It’s the life of a church. It’s where relationships are made. Masks are taken off, you can become the real you with a group of people, heal from past hurts and get freedom.

I love small groups and I love leading ladies small groups. I’ve led ladies small groups for abt 10 years or more I guess. For the last 2 semesters I stepped out and been a Small Group Coach and loved it. It’s been challenging but an amazing experience. My passion and my heart is definitely with ladies small groups.

3. Greeters. Maybe that’s you! You like smiling and welcoming everyone. That’s me, I love being a greeter too! I love people and I love hugging 🤗

Some of my greeter peeps at Christmas!

4. Helps Team. Maybe you prefer to work behind the scenes. You enjoy helping to clean, plan events, organize, or do parking team.

5. Worship, singing, sound and technology. Those are all also a amazing gifts but singing yeah that’s not mine, LOL. I love singing so much but you don’t want to hear it LOL. But hey it’s a joyful noise though, right?🤣

6. Prison ministry. What a blessing that is and such a need.

7. Visiting the elderly and shut ins. Such a great ministry. They love to have visitors or people to come sing to them or even do a craft with them.

8. Ushers. These guys are great, they are responsible for seating guests and maintaining order in the service.

9. Church Security. Are you a cop or security officer then what better way to serve at your church then helping to protect those around you.

10. Prayer. Maybe praying is your strength and interceding for others is your gift. That’s incredible. We need you! Prayer Warriors Needed!!

11. Lawn Care. You might be great at yard work so this is right up your alley. You can help spruce things up around the church. Pressure wash, cut the grass, plant flowers, weed eat, edge, lay pine straw, etc.

12. Sign Language Interpreters. Let me just say what a beautiful blessing this is and how it is so needed. Our oldest daughter is hearing impaired and wears hearing aids. She does wonderful but having an interpreter is such an added blessing.

13. Special Needs Children. This too is such a big need. You have many parents that aren’t even able to come to church because they have a special needs child and the church doesn’t offer anything for them. I’m so thankful our church has a wonderful program.

14. Dream Center Volunteer. It’s an outreach ministry center where they are changing and transforming lives. Dive in, I’m sure you can find something here you could do.

15. Celebrate Recovery. Maybe you’ve struggled with and addiction or life issue in the past and you’ve found freedom. With CR you can lead and come along side others who are struggling and help them find freedom too.

There’s many other things you can do, this is just to name a few to get you started thinking.

We need all these areas and many more to function as the body of Christ. I don’t look at one being better being than the other and I hope you’d not either. See God has placed certain gifts in you and without you doing your part, the body of Christ just isn’t quite right without you.

It NEEDS YOU!

It needs YOU to function in proper order. Whether you’re a greeter, a worship leader, nursery person, small group leader, coach, or someone who cleans things up, hear me…YOU ARE VALUABLE and you do what God has called you to do. No shame or pride, do it unto the Lord sweet friend!

SWORD OF THE SPIRIT:

“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10

So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” Galatians 6:10

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” Romans 12:9-13

And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’ Matthew 25:40

Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.”
Isaiah 58:10

for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ;” Ephesians 4:12

As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. 1 Peter 4:10

Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk. And so I direct in all the churches. 1 Corinthians 7:17

It’s time for YOU to rise up precious one, you are called and anointed for such a time as this. If you don’t know what your called to do, that’s ok no worries, just step out and find out. Try different areas until you find the right spot.

Your destiny awaits you!

God bless you and happy Saturday!!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

God Is The Difference Maker

Hey y’all!🤗 How’s it going in your neck of the woods? I had my infusion Tuesday so I’ve been resting the last couple of days. It went better than last month praise the Lord!

We are all called to be difference makers but today I want to remind you that God is the DIFFERENCE MAKER in your life!!

God is the GAME CHANGER in your circumstances.

Difference Maker means One who has an impact or effect; One who brings about change. Yep that’d be my God!! He’s The ONE, who makes an impact and bring about change in our lives.

God’s promise is true for you, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone” Ezekiel 36:26

I ALONE AM THE DIFFERENCE MAKER!

Whatever you need in your life Gods got it! You feel lost or broken, cry out to Him….He is near. You’re having trouble in your marriage or with your kids….call on the Difference Maker he’s got it! He knows just how to fix it!

Game Changer means a newly introduced element or factor that changes an existing situation or activity in a significant way

Do you need a Game Changer factor in your life changed in a significant way?

Do you have a work situation?

A family situation?

Alcohol or drug problem?

Health issues?

Financial needs?

We all need something.

Gods the Game Changer.

He’s waiting for you to ask Him to come into that situation, that problem and allow Him to do his work. He’s got just the right element to change that situation and completely blow your mind. He wants to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all we could hope, ask or think….

You need to stop looking at what you can’t do or what you don’t have and look at what GOD CAN DO!! God’s presence and power, His Anointing is what pushes you into your destiny! It’s what changes EVERYTHING!

When you hear nothing is ever gonna change, don’t you believe the lies of the enemy! Talk back to the devil! God can use ANY situation for YOUR GOOD!! See your worth and value is based on WHO YOU ARE IN Him and NOTHING ELSE!!! Remember that when that lying spirit is whispering in your ear.

You are NOT to far gone my friend. God WILL use what the enemy meant for harm and turn it to your good if you will let him and He WILL complete what He has started in YOU.

He’s the God of completion.

He’s concerned about what concerns you. My friend, He WILL establish and ground YOU and strengthen YOU!!

He is FOR YOU NOT AGAINST YOU!

He’s the Difference Maker and the Game Changer.

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

Healing….My Word Of The Year

Hey y’all! How is your year going so far? We are in the middle of 21 days of prayer. It’s Ahhhmazzing! Believing God for many things this year.

What are you believing God for this year?

Healing is my word for this year. Do you have one? If so what is it? I’d love to hear from you.

Joy was my word last year. So funny how God knows exactly what we need when we need it. Last year was an extremely difficult year for me. God knew JOY was what I would. He knew the things I was going to go through were going to be difficult and I would need strength in order to persevere. I needed to find JOY amidst the trials.

The JOY of the Lord is our strength.

I needed JOY to keep going and get through every day.

As I said, healing is my word this year for several reasons. Some I’ll share and some are private.

One is, I need physical healing in my body from multiple things.

But I also need healing from this eating disorder I’ve struggled with for so many years. I’ve been set free from using the diuretics and laxatives everyday, praise God! That is a miracle in itself 🙏🏻🙌🏻 But I still have my daily struggles. He’s not done with me yet and he’s not done with you either sweet friend. He’s been delivering me from glory to glory but I’m ready to be COMPLETELY FREE! COMPLETELY HEALED! Maybe that’s you too!

There are relationships in my life that need healing…Ones that I can’t do anything about.

Loved ones who need Jesus.

Loved ones who are sick and need healing.

Loved ones who are making wrong choices.

Loved ones who are heartbroken.

Loved ones who just need a miracle.

Relationships that need restoration.

Ones that only God can fix it.

One thing I know though is that nothing is to big for my God and nothing is impossible for Him!

He’s the God of the IMPOSSIBLE.

He’s the WAYMAKER!

Verse of the Year:

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. Psalm 103:2-5

God bless you sweet friends and if you need prayer, I would be honored to pray for you. Have a blessed and wonderful day.

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

Song of the Year:

Waymaker- Leeland

Even when I don’t see it, You’re working
Even when I don’t feel it, You’re working
You never stop, You never stop working
You never stop, You never stop working
Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper
Light in the darkness, my God
That is who You are
Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper
Light in the darkness, my God
That is who You are

https://youtu.be/iJCV_2H9xD0

Raise A Hallelujah- Kick Depression To The Curb

Good morning y’all! 🤗 Hope your week is off to a great start. Mine is super busy.
I thought we’d talk about depression today. Have you ever dealt with it? Sometimes I feel as Christians we don’t talk about it enough.
Yes! You can be a Christian and still have depression despite what some people think. And just because you struggle with it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. I think most people at some point their life have struggled with it.
No one is immune to it. It crosses all barriers and races.
There are many causes of depression.

  • Hormone imbalances….such as thyroid, adrenal, menopause, etc.
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Environmental factors.
  • Situational
  • Winter weather for some.
  • Insomnia/sleep deprivation
  • Struggling relationships
  • Vitamin deficiencies
  • Loss of a loved one
  • Loss of a job

I’m sure there are other areas I haven’t mentioned.

First off let me just say if this is you….you are not alone.

I’ve struggled with depression too from time to time. Mostly mine has been hormonal but some situational as well. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

One of my favorite verses is Romans 5:8

My friend, God loves you at your darkest.
He loves you even when you feel unlovable.
He loves you in your guilt and shame.
He loves you in your addiction.
He loves you in the pit.
Even better if you invite Him, he will come down to the pit and raise you up out there, Amen!!
God just loves you the way you are, even in your broken mess.
You don’t have to get all cleaned up to come to Him. You simply come as you are sweet friend!

Praise and worship is so incredibly powerful and it is our weapon that can break chains that bind us, bring healing, deliverance, and restoration to our lives and loved ones. It can opens doors, and it can cause the enemy to scatter in Jesus name! Hallelujah 🙌🏻

The Word says  “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through to the pulling down of strong holds”– 2 Corinthians 10:4

So we have to fight in the invisible realm. Worship and prayer does just that!

I love my worship! Worship changes everything, including the atmosphere.

Man this song Even Louder is one of my new favorites. “The bigger depression hits, the louder my praise gets” Just that one line gets you fired up!

When your in the pits of despair, worship Even Louder.

Get your praise on! Talk back to the devil. Speak the Word.

Praise precedes the victory my friends!

PRAISE HIM IN ALL THINGS! https://nikhop320.wordpress.com/2018/11/11/praise-him-in-all-things/amp/

You can’t wait till all your circumstances are better. No! You gotta praise Him right now…in the storm.

The devil will stop at nothing to destroy and defeat you but you and I already know how the story ends….HaHa! The devil IS DEFEATED AND he IS A LIAR!

Worship pulls down Heaven to earth.

Psalm 22:3 “God inhabits the praises of his people.”

When we learn to praise and worship God in the storm, breakthroughs come, strength comes, and JOY COMES!

We do not have to live defeated lives while we are here in earth. We can get up every morning and CHOOSE to live a victorious life. Let me just say that praise and worship is one of the most powerful weapon God has given us against the devil.

When we pray and worship the devil and all his demons tremble. Don’t you love that?!?! You have the power to make the devil tremble!

Confessions From Joyce Meyer

1. I love all people, and I am loved by all people. 

 2. I prosper in everything I put my hand to. I have prosperity in all areas of my life – spiritually, financially, mentally, and socially.

 3. My children have lots of Christian friends, and God has set aside a Christian wife or husband for each of them.

 4. All my household are blessed in their deeds: we’re blessed when we come in and when we go out.

 5. I take good care of my body. I eat right, I look good, I feel good, and I weigh what God wants me to weigh.

 6. I operate in all the gifts of the Holy Spirit, which are tongues and interpretation of tongues, the working of miracles, discerning of spirits, the word of faith, the word of knowledge, the word of wisdom, healings, and prophecy.

 7. I know God’s voice, and I always obey what He tells me.

 8. The love of God has been shed abroad in my heart by the Holy Ghost.

 9. I do all my work excellently and with great prudence – making the most of all of my time.

 10. I am creative because the Holy Spirit lives in me.

 11. I love to pray. I love to praise and worship God.

 12. I am purposed that my mouth shall not transgress. I will speak forth the righteousness of God all the day long.

 13. I have humbled myself, and God has exalted me.

 14. I am a giver. It is more blessed to give than to receive. I love to give! I have plenty of money to give away all the time.

 15. I cast all my care on the Lord for He cares for me.

 16. I don’t give the devil a foothold in my life. I resist the devil, and he has to flee from me.

17. I don’t have a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.

18. I am not afraid of the faces of man. I am not afraid of the anger of man.

 19. I am a new creature in Christ: old things have passed away, behold, all things are new.

 20. I have died and have been raised with Christ and am now seated in heavenly places.

 21. I am dead to sin and alive unto righteousness.

 22. I am a doer of the Word. I meditate on the Word all the day long.

 23. I am not passive about anything, but I deal with all things in my life immediately.

 24. I do not judge my brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus after the flesh. I am a spiritual man and am judged by no one.

 25. I take every thought captive unto the obedience of Jesus Christ, casting down every imagination, and every high and lofty thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God.

 26. I am a responsible person. I enjoy responsibility, and I rise to every responsibility in Jesus.

 27. I have been set free. I am free to love, to worship, to trust with no fear of rejection or of being hurt.

 28. I have compassion and understanding for all people.

 29. I catch the devil in all of his deceitful lies. I cast them down and choose rather to believe the Word of God.

 30. I am anointed of God for ministry. Hallelujah!

 31. Work is good. I enjoy work. Glory!

 32. I have a teachable spirit.

 33. I do not think more highly of myself than I ought to in the flesh.

 34. Pain cannot successfully come against my body because Jesus bore all my pain.

 35. I am a teacher of the Word.

 36. I lay hands on the sick, and they recover.

 37. I do what I say I will do, and I get where I am going on time.

 38. I don’t hurry and rush; I do one thing at a time.

 39. God opens my mouth, and no man can shut it. God shuts my mouth, and no man can open it.

 40. The law of kindness is in my tongue. Gentleness is in my touch. Mercy and compassion is in my hearing.

 41. As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he; therefore, all of my thoughts are positive.

 42. I do not allow the devil to use my spirit as a garbage dump by meditating on negative things that he offers me.

 43. I am a believer not a doubter.

 44. No weapon that is formed against me shall prosper, but every tongue that rises against me in judgment, I shall show to be in the wrong.

45. I am slow to speak, quick to hear, and slow to anger.

 46. I cast out devils and demons; nothing deadly can hurt me.

 47. I never bind a sister or brother with the words of my mouth.

 48. I am always a positive encouragement. I edify and build up; I never tear down or destroy.

 49. I will cry to God Most High Who performs on my behalf and rewards me.

 50. My son (name) has a sweet personality, and he is not rebellious.

 51. I don’t speak negative things.

 52. My children love to pray and study the Word. They openly and boldly praise God.

53. My children make right choices according to the Word of God.

 54. I am an obedient wife, and no rebellion operates in me.

 55. My husband is wise. He is the king and priest of our home. He makes Godly decisions.

 56. I use my time wisely. All of my prayer and study time is wisely spent.

 57. I walk in the spirit all of the time.

 58. All that I own is paid for. I owe no man anything except to love him in Christ.

 59. I love to bless people and spread the Gospel.

 60. I am an intercessor.

 61. I receive speaking engagements in person, by phone, and/or by mail every day.

 62. My daughter (name) operates in Godly wisdom and discipline, and she is full of energy.

 63. I never get tired or grow weary when I study the Word, pray, minister, or praise God; but I am alert and full of energy. And as I study, I become more alert and more energized.

 64. I will study the Word of God. I will pray.

 65. I do not hate or walk in unforgiveness.

 66. I do not fear. I am not guilty.

Sword Of The Spirit:

Psalm 30:11 “You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,”

 Deuteronomy 31:8 “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

 Psalm 3:3 “But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.”

 Isaiah 40:31 “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

 John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

 Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

 John 16:33 “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Psalm 143:7-8 “Answer me quickly, O Lord! My spirit fails! Hide not your face from me, lest I be like those who go down to the pit. Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.”

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

 Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Father right now we come against that spirit of depression. We declare you have no hold on us. We command you to leave and we send you back to the fiery pits of hell where you came from! You have NO place here! Gods Word says “he inhabits the praises of his people” and we are Your people. You are close to the brokenhearted. We can take comfort in knowing when we are lost, You have found us. When we feel alone and abandoned, Your Word says You will never leave us nor forsake us. When we feel desperate like we can’t go on one more minute, You give strength to weary. Increase our heart of praise and worship. Help us to worship You in the midst of the storm. Bring those along side of us to lift our arms when we can’t. Thank you for loving us, give us peace, comfort and strength to endure our trials in Jesus name, Amen!

Have a blessed and wonderful day!

Big hugs,

Nicole💖

I’m including 2 of my favorite songs to help get you started. Just soak in the worship and the Word, when you do you calling all of Heaven to earth to fight on your behalf and break the chains of depression and bondage

My Hallelujah- Bryan and Katie Torwalt

Nothing can take my hallelujah
Shadows will fade, darkness will break
I’ll keep on singing Your praise
O, what can take away
My hallelujah
No darkness can contain
My hallelujah
Your cross has made the way
For my hallelujah
My hallelujah

Me, I give my all despite my downfalls
Where many see me fail, only You see me prevail
The bigger depression hits, the louder my praise gets
The bigger depression hits, the louder my praise gets, c’mon
Even if the drum stops beating
My soul will keep on singing
Even louder, even louder
Even when my eyes can’t see it
I will sing till I believe it
Even louder, even louder
Even if the drum stops beating
My soul will keep on singing
Even louder, even louder
Even when my eyes can’t see it
I will sing till I believe it
Even louder, even louder
When I lift my voice
Heaven comes to earth
When I sing this song
I feel You respond
When I lift my voice
Heaven comes to earth
When I sing this song
I feel You respond
I feel You respond

Addiction Is A Family Disease

You might be wondering, is that really true? I assure you it is.

See an addict can’t be an addict without help. There’s people in their lives that keep that merry go round going.

There’s the enabler, who wants to “Help” and “Fix” and they think if I was a good enough spouse, friend, sister, brother, etc. then they wouldn’t be like this. I NEED to help them get on track.

One of the first things I learned in Alanon (a meeting for people who have a loved one or friend with a drinking problem) is The 3 C’s.

I didn’t cause it

I can’t cure it,

I can’t control it.

Sweet one, maybe you need to hear that today!

An addiction doesn’t have to be just alcohol or drugs, there are many forms of addiction….food, sex, shopping, pornography, cutting, working, exercise, video games, TV, etc.

I love the example Henry Cloud uses in Changes That Heal, about a dad and his 2 sons. (I have paraphrased this story.) So the Dad is meeting with Henry and says “I need you to fix my son.” So Henry looks to the son sitting there and says “What’s going on, how can I help you?” The son says “No, it’s not me, it’s my brother.” He says “Well where is your brother?” “He’s not here” says the brother. Henry says “Well where is he? And what’s his problem?” The dad answers “He’s flunked out of 3 colleges and he smokes pot.” Henry is puzzled by this and asked “How do you even do that? I understand how you flunk out of one, but how do you get in the 2nd and 3rd one?”

The dad answers “Well, I’m on the board of multiple colleges. The first time he flunked out there was to much partying in the dorm so I bought him a condo, gave him enough money so he could just focus on studying and not work and he still flunked out.” Henry says “Darn those kids!” Love his humor🤣

I’m already chuckling at this point because I see where this is leading too…..

The dad is the great enabler!

Henry asked “Where is your son today?” Dad says, “He’s not here.” Henry says, “I know he’s not here but where might gps find him?”

The dad says “He’s in Vale…skiing.”

Now I ask you, does this sound like the kid who has any problems to you? Not to me.

At this point Henry says, “Sir I’m a psychologist and I help people. I don’t think I can help your son. He doesn’t have any problems. He’s got all the money he needs, a free place to live AND he’s on vacation. He doesn’t have any problems.” Now the dads is confused and getting miffed, saying “Oh yes he does!”

Henry says, “You on the other hand I can help.” The dad is like “I don’t have any problems.” Henry says “Yes you do, you have owned all your sons problems. But I can help you, help your son have some problems.”

I just love that! The dad was busy helping and enabling all his sons issues. The son has had no consequences and has absolutely no reason to change.

Do you have someone like this in your life?

How are you coping?

Are you owning all their mess?

Still trying to fix them?

Learning boundaries is the most amazing and absolutely FREEING thing I’ve ever done.

We all need them, addictions or not. You could have a family member with untreated mental illness. I can relate to this one on such a personal level. A certain family member of mine, has untreated mental illness and ever since I can remember I was always helping, fixing, and rescuing them. Until the last couple of years, I was so burn out. Exhausted! Stressed to the max!

Every time my phone rang I and I saw it was them calling….anxiety would set in quickly! I never had anxiety before. You never knew what was on the other end of the line. Crying hysterically, mad, complaining about their life or someone in it, or the high manic side where everything is beautiful, wonderful, and full of rainbows 🌈 and unicorns 🦄

This was simply ingenious, I gave them a certain ringtone so I would know it was them calling me and at that moment I could decide am I in a place where I can talk to this person? Or do I need to let it go to voicemail and talk later? That simple thing, was life changing for me.

See sweet friend, it’s not your job to fix someone else. You and I are not Holy Ghost Jr. they have a Savior just like you do and that’s his job to work in their lives and change what needs to be changed.

However, we do have a part to do too and that’s to stop 🛑 helping and rescuing them. Let that loved one feel the consequences of their own actions.

If you have a person in your life and they are not taking responsibility for themselves, they don’t have a job or keep losing jobs and now they want to move in with you again….you keep forking out money to “help” and “rescue” them. That’s not helping them be responsible.

They don’t have a car and they want to keep using yours.

You could be taking up the slack for someone with things they need to do but choose not too….but you say to yourself “Well someone has to do it” and so you do it. But now your full of bitterness and resentment when what you needed to do is let them figure it out and you do what your supposed to do.

Or maybe they don’t have groceries or gas because they spent their money on frivolous things and they can’t buy groceries or get gas for the car they’re borrowing from you….but they’ll play on your emotions and say “if you love me then you’d give me the money that I need.”

This sounds ridiculous but it happens every day my friend….you are not helping them.

Sure there is a time when everyone needs help but when you see it becomes a pattern and it keeps repeating itself over and over and over again, YOU are now contributing to the problem and staying on that merry go round. They have no desire to do any different because you continue to fix there issues.

If they are addicted to alcohol, don’t buy it for them. Simply say, “I love you but I’m no longer going to contribute to this, from now on you can buy your own alcohol.” This one, I had to do with someone.

When that person calls you with drama and chaos, things they want YOU to fix….simply 🛑 and say I’m sorry, I can’t do that for you. Tell them you love them and I’m praying for you but you need to figure out this for yourself.

Look, I’m not gonna sit here and tell you this is easy to do because the truth is I have felt like my guts were being ripped out, nauseous to the point of throwing up. It’s hard as Hades and that’s NO JOKE! But it’s necessary for your own health and well-being.

God gave me this verse a few years ago and maybe it will help you too.

EXODUS‬ ‭18:17-18‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “The thing that you are doing is not good. You will certainly wear out both yourself and these people who are with you, because the task is too heavy for you [to bear]; you cannot do it alone.”

We were never meant to carry these burdens alone sweet friend.

‭‭Thoughts to ponder:

Who might you be enabling?

What are you carrying that doesn’t belong to you?

Have you been rescuing people?

What can you do let people in your life feel the consequences of their own actions?

How does that make you feel to even think about doing that?

Ohhhh, I’ll answer that for you, it will FEEL WRONG AND AWFUL! But just because it FEELS WRONG, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

You have to keep doing the next right thing and that “feeling” will catch up with you, eventually.

CHANGE IS HARD but it is a necessary part of life.

You can suffer the pain of change or suffer remaining the way you are.” Joyce Meyer

That’ll preach! That’s a word for someone.

So my friend just start setting small boundaries, those lead to big victories.

Pray about it, it may take you a while to do it and that’s perfectly fine. I’ve been there too. But you’ve got this, you can do it!

I pray God will give you the wisdom and courage to do what’s best for you and your family, setting those boundaries that brings peace to your heart and mind and FREEDOM to your life!

Have a blessed and wonderful day!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

Letting Go Of Excess Baggage And Speaking Life To Your Dry Bones

Hey y’all! Hope all my TOG readers are doing great! Another beautiful hot day here in Bama.

So much has been going on in my heart lately, dealing with things and issues from my childhood, past, and present. Things that have made me who I am today. But I realize those things don’t have to keep me broken and stuck in the past. They may have had a hand in who I am but they DO NOT DEFINE ME!

In a counseling session this week, as we were going over my life timeline, and wow that’s a job let me just say. As she would repeat back to me my timeline and the things that have happened to me, I could hear it but it was hard to feel some of it. I don’t know if that makes sense or not? I’d think “Wow, yea that really did happen to me” “Oh and that too, and that too” but I’ve tried so hard in my life to shove things down and not feel the pain or emotions of life, maybe you can relate?

For me, if something happened you couldn’t talk about it….it may hurt a family member or make them angry….forget that it hurt you. That was the message I heard.

Then if you did, your feelings were wrong and not relative. So what does one do especially when you’re a child? Well, you quickly learn what’s acceptable and what’s not and then you learn to SHOVE DOWN EVERYTHING ELSE!

For me an eating disorder developed, it was something I could control, or so I thought.

I carried shame and guilt for things that had been done to me, and later things I had done. But it wasn’t mine to carry, neither is it yours sweet friend.

I have felt alone, numb, unworthy, unloved, unwanted, wrong, insecure, the list can go on and on. Maybe you feel those thing right now. You are not alone precious one, you are in good company. God is with you and He loves you at your darkest! He isn’t scared off by your brokenness, He is just waiting for you to invite Him in.

https://nikhop320.wordpress.com/2018/11/12/i-loved-you-at-your-darkest/

ARE YOU CARRYING THINGS IN YOUR LIFE THAT DON’T BELONG TO YOU?

  • Guilt.
  • Shame
  • Regret
  • Resentment/Unforgiveness
  • Habits/Addictions
  • Anger
  • Past Relationships
  • Stress
  • Worry
  • Anxiety
  • Fear

“And He caused me to pass round about among them, and behold , there were VERY many (human bones) in the open valley or plain, and behold, they were very dry. He said to me, Son of Man can these bones lives? And I answered O Lord God, You know!! Again He said to me, Prophesy to these dry bones and SAY to them, O you dry bones, HEAR THE WORD OF THE LORD. Ezekiel 37:2-4

As I’m on this journey of restoration with God, I’ve realized some things.

One, I’m not alone in this.

Two, I have to let go of the things (or people) I cannot change…I am powerless to fix it but My God is NOT! My God is BIGGER!

And three, the things that need changing, the dry places in my soul….I have to Let Go and Let God.

There’s No Way Around Pain…Feel It And Move Through It

Today, I can say I’m doing a new thing! I don’t always get it right, but thank God I’m not where I use to be.

Those dry places in my soul and in my life, I’m choosing to feel them, be more vulnerable, and speak life to them. You can do the same thing my friend.

If you need something in your life to change, let me remind you when you let God in ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! Healing and restoration are possible and I’ll even go as far to say it’s inevitable. Because where God is, there is LIFE and there is FREEDOM!

There is life and death in the power of your tongue! Speak LIFE!

The same power that raised Christ from the dead, lives IN YOU!!

Speak God’s word out of your mouth every day and call those things that be not as though they are!! Get in agreement with God’s promises!! Your life and circumstances WILL CHANGE!!

Prophesy to those dry bones!! And keep prophesying till what is dead comes to life. Don’t you dare give up!!

God bless you! I’m praying for y’all and I’d love to hear from you.

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

Jesus! Name Above All Names

“Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name..” Philippians 2:9

Jesus! Name above ALL names!

There is POWER IN THE NAME OF JESUS. Your problems MUST bow to the name of JESUS!

Whatever is troubling your heart, whatever trial….if it has a name my friend then it must bow to the name of Jesus!

Cancer must bow to the name of Jesus.

Alcoholism, drug addiction must bow to the name of Jesus.

Poverty must bow to the name of Jesus.

Guilt and shame must bow to the name of Jesus.

Sickness and disease must bow to the name of Jesus

Fear must bow to the name of Jesus.

If you are sick, pray and declare “by His stripes you are healed.” Sickness must go in the name of Jesus. Declare the cleansing, healing blood of Jesus is flowing through your body right now. Declare that your body come in alignment with Gods word. You may not see it or feel…yet….but keep speaking it out loud every single day and believe in your heart that it is done.

If you have a loved one with an addiction….keep praying for them every day! Speak the word over them. Declare they are FREE and they have the mind of Christ. We have to keep in mind with something like this, yes, there is free will but your prayers are POWERFUL, you are speaking into the atmosphere life and freedom for someone. The angels can’t help but move into action on this persons behalf. Pray for divine connections and that God would place the perfect laborers in their path, people that they can hear and relate too. Keep praying that God would open their eyes and heart to what He has for them.

This one falls inline with the above one as well. If you have a loved one who continues to make bad decisions, the best thing you can do is STOP ENABLING THEM. When we rescue people from the consequences of their choices and behavior….YOU ARE NOT HELPING THEM. You are only prolonging the problem. They need to feel the consequences of their actions. They need to figure out how to fix their own problems and situations they’ve created.

How else can they grow up when you’re doing everything for them?

AND YES, it’s painful and yes it’s hard but if you truly love them then let them face themselves and their problems. Allow God to do what only He can do.

Just a few of the Names Of Jesus:

Almighty One  “…who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty.” Rev. 1:8

Alpha and Omega  “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.” Rev. 22:13

Advocate – “My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father–Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.” 1 John 2:1

Author and Perfecter of Our Faith “Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Heb. 12:2

Authority  “Jesus said, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.” Matt. 28:18

Deliverer – “And to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead, Jesus who delivers us from the wrath to come.” 1 Thess.1:10

Good Shepherd  “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” John 10:11

Great High Priest  “Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession.” Heb. 4:14

I Am  “Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I am.” John 8:58

Immanuel  “…She will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God with us.’” Is. 7:14

King of Kings  “These will wage war against the Lamb, and the Lamb will overcome them, because He is Lord of lords and King of kings, and those who are with Him are the called and chosen and faithful.” Rev. 17:14

Lamb of God – “The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!” John 1:29

Light of the World  “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

Lion of the Tribe of Judah  “Weep no more; behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has conquered, so that he can open the scroll and its seven seals.” Rev. 5:5

Messiah  “We have found the Messiah” (that is, the Christ).” John 1:41

Mighty One  “Then you will know that I, the Lord, am your Savior, your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob.” Is. 60:16

One Who Sets Free  “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”  John 8:36

Our Hope  “…Christ Jesus our hope.” 1 Tim. 1:1

Peace  “For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility,” Eph. 2:14

Redeemer  “And as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last He will take His stand on the earth.” Job 19:25

Rock  “For they drank from the spiritual Rock that followed them, and the Rock was Christ.” 1 Cor. 10:4

Savior  “For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:11

Son of Man  “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” Luke 19:10

Resurrection and the Life  “Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die.” John 11:25

The Way  “Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

Victorious One  “To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat down with my Father on his throne.” Rev. 3:21

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace  “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Is. 9:6

All this…and soooo much more!

Whatever your going through, whatever trials….Jesus is BIGGER my friend!

Be anxious for nothing….“Anxiety is a signal alerting you that it’s time to pray.” Craig Groeschel

When I say Jesus, the very mention shatters the darkness and calms my soul. When I say Jesus even a whisper breaks through my doubting till all my fear is gone.” Life.Church Worship

Have a blessed day!

Big hugs,

Nicole 💗

Jesus, You Alone -Highlands Worship

Holy, all the earth singing
Holy, all the angels cry
Holy, Jesus, You alone
Worthy, all creation sings
Worthy, all the heavens
Exalt Thee, Jesus, You alone
Holy, all the earth singing
Holy, all the angels cry
Holy, Jesus, You alone
Can we lift our voices and sing?
Worthy, all creation sings
Worthy, all the heavens
Exalt Thee, Jesus, You alone

https://youtu.be/tejMgeDWIpg

Overcoming Deep Dark Secrets….Life With An Eating Disorder

Hey y’all! Hope you guys have had a great week. I haven’t talked about this in a minute but I feel like it’s so important, not only for myself but for those suffering in silence. Some of you know I have struggled with an eating disorder for a good portion of my life, that maybe where you find yourself at today. But I want to offer hope to you, hope that you don’t have to stay in the same place as you are today. You don’t have to have the same struggles or battles, if your willing to allow God in and put the work in…..YOU CAN HAVE FREEDOM. It’s there for the taken!! While I’m still on the road to recovery, I’m getting stronger and more free every day, and you can to my friend.

So I want talk about what helped lead up to me even being willing to get help. I’m using the word willing for an important reason because if I said I was waiting on WHEN I FELT LIKE MAKING CHANGES I’d be waiting for an awfully long time. Because we can feel like every Monday we want to start over and TRY to get things right. But in my experience “WE TRY” “WE FEEL” and it hasn’t served me well.

Feelings are so fickle, they are one way one day and different the next. So waiting on your feeling to be what you want….well that day may never come. But if I make a conscious choice to say Lord I’M WILLING that’s different. I’m not giving my feelings a vote.

Our church has a small group/conference called Freedom and WOW it’s incredible! Well I went through it and right when it was time for conference in last December, I got so sick and I couldn’t go. I was so so upset, discouraged and didn’t understand at all. At the time I couldn’t see what God was doing behind the scenes and let me just say He is such a behind scenes kinda Guy.

So the 1st of January rolls around and 21 Days of Fasting And Prayer starts and prolly half way through God stuck His finger right on IT and said “Nicole now is the time, it’s time to deal with your eating disorder.”

“Excuse me Lord but I don’t have a problem.”

Now mind you I was weighing myself everyday sometimes 2-3 times a day. BUT I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM. Denial!

I had been abusing diuretics and laxatives for years. I would fast and I could fast like nobody’s business but then I’d binge…..I was struggling with something, I didn’t know it had a name. It’s name was bulimia.

So it was at the moment I realized why I wasn’t able to go to the Freedom conference. God had something more He needed to deal with me on and bring healing to my soul.

Right then and there I went to my medicine cabinet and threw out all my diuretics and laxatives. Now I’d like to say it was easy from that point on and that I didn’t struggle but because my body was use to them and needed them to go to the bathroom. It was like crucifying the flesh…Ugghhh! There’s a healing period which I’m pretty sure I’m still in, I think it will take a while to heal my intestines, body, spirit, and emotions from all that trauma I put myself through.

It’s funny how we always think no one knows our deep dark secrets because we put on our mask every day and act like we gucci. But ya know what….I know…..God knows. And the pain of holding all of it in or keeping up the image will destroy you.

So after much prayer and seeking the Lord on what to do, the first thing I needed to do was to tell my husband. Oh how I dreaded that conversation, to the point it made me physically ill, like wanting to throw up.

So finally I went downstairs and said “Honey I need to talk to you about something and it’s going to be really hard for me to talk about. Of course I’m already crying and can hardly speak. I know the poor man is prolly thinking “Ohhhh I’m in the doghouse, she about to leave me! Or she’s having a affair!”

I could hardly get it out I was crying so hard but once I did you could see the relief on his face that it wasn’t one of the before mentioned items lol. I’m being so vulnerable baring my soul, and he’s relieved I’m not having an affair. Lol😂 We can look for humor in everything.

I told him how I had been struggling and abusing laxatives and diuretics, fasting and binging. He listened and said “Thank you honey for sharing that with me I know that was extremely hard for you. How can I help or what do you want to do?” Well I had already been looking for a counselors, I thought a nutritionist was a good idea as well. So I started there. I also shared with our 3 daughters, what was hidden in the dark had to come out, so it could hold no more power over me. It was a step toward freedom.

I reached out to a nutritionist who I really like but for me I have to say this is such a tricky part of having a eating disorder. They go over all your healthy issues, keeping in mind your eating disorder and then put you on a meal plan. Well for me what I had found is that I already had such a unhealthy relationship with food you telling me I can’t have a Dr. Pepper and I can only eat these things it wasn’t good for me. Because not realizing but all my life I had been putting certain foods in good categories and bad categories and if I ate from the good category I was good but if I ate or drank from the bad category “I was bad” I would heap so much shame and guilt onto myself which kept me spiraling. Not sure if that makes sense or not, so for a while I’ve been working on just my relationship WITH food. I know there are good and bad foods and our bodies NEED the good foods but your mind and heart still need to make that connection without condemnation and shame being in the picture. So if I ate a brownie or drank a Dr. Pepper I wasn’t a bad person like I fell like I was. It’s crazy what our mind can make us think about ourselves.

Having a eating disorder for me while it is obsessing over weight and food, I’ve also learned it goes sooooo much deeper than that. It went back to things from my childhood that led up to that.

I was raised in alcoholism, with that comes so much baggage. Enabling, people pleasing, codependency, fear, manipulation, people trying to control you, you feeling out of control, and not knowing what the day would hold. I think I learned to try not to rock the boat fairly early in life, that was a safe place….so I thought.

I love my mother and father dearly but they divorced before I was 2 and my father remarried and had 3 other daughters. He wasn’t there for me as much as I would have liked him to be or at the time needed him to be. Our relationship then wasn’t as strong as it is today. Thankful God brings restoration.

I lived with my mother who also remarried 4 times and that was very difficult for me in that I didn’t have a stable father figure. Let me say upfront I do not in any way blame her. She worked hard to raise me the best way she knew how and all she wanted was to be loved. She loved the way she knew how and so did my Dad. And can’t we all relate to that? We all want to be loved and accepted, we do what we know….right or wrong. It definitely hindered me in many ways but it also helped shape me into the woman I am today.

I was molested at a young age and back then that wasn’t something you talked about and they also threatened me about telling anyone. So that was yet another deep dark secret that got stuffed deep down.

Your life shapes you for the good or for the bad and at the moment for me it wasn’t good. Things were quickly building for the perfect storm in my life.

At a young age I quickly learned that when I expressed my feelings I got in trouble, or I was told I was wrong for feeling that way. I was also told on several occasions “If you do that you can’t come back home”. I felt rejected and like what I had to say or what I felt wasn’t important. So what did I do, I stuffed my emotions down further and further. That’s what we are doing with our eating disorders or any addiction for that matter.

By the time I had meet my husband and we married I had such low self esteem. I was constantly comparing myself to other women, and of course never measuring up. I literally hated myself. I would tear myself apart. It’s so sad to say these things but even watching TV was a struggle for me. If a beautiful woman came on tv I began comparing myself to her, telling myself how ugly I was. How my husband prolly would rather have her than me. It was AWFUL!!

The devil knows your weaknesses and he will use them against you. He will whisper lies in your ears and if you’re not careful you’ll believe them and they will hold you captive.

It wasn’t until I went to Al-Anon where I started getting help to deal with others in my life who had drinking problems that I was able to get free from some of that and I began loving myself.

I can remember one day texting my sponsor with tears in my eyes from a baton competition and telling her how much fun I was having and how in the past they were so difficult for me because of all the cute young girl running around in their little costumes. I was getting FREE little by little and it felt so good!!

All the things I’ve talked about cause frustration, confusion, distrust, guilt, rejection, fear of failure, shame, people pleasing and so much more. That’s what you begin to think, act, and do.

So fast forward to going to counseling, I felt like God lead me to this specific person. I mean for goodness sakes her name was Hope!

Hope means a confidant expectation of something good.

Hope was exactly what I had been looking for, for my whole life. Not the person although she’s has been such a blessing in my life but the HOPE God gives us in our time of need.

Hope was what I needed to overcome this disorder and other things in my life that have so enslaved me.

Hope for my future.

Hope for freedom.

Hope to have a voice.

Hope to share my feelings and not feel like I’m wrong for having them.

Just HOPE!

So while I’m still on the road to recovery, I’ll be honest I don’t do the laxatives or diuretics, but on a really bad day or week in my weakness I have turned to fasting and binging sometimes, but not as often as I use too PRAISE GOD!! That’s progress. God is so good and faithful and He will do it for you to precious one.

Today I can say I have HOPE for a better life. A life of freedom. I have good days and bad days but the thing I’m finding so valuable is my VOICE AND MY FEELINGS, whether their good or bad they are mine and it’s ok to have them and express them in a appropriate way. They no longer have to be stuffed!

Learning to not be lead by my feelings but to feel them and know they are real and they are mine and it’s not wrong to have them or express them.

My job is to allow God to bring healing to me, set healthy boundaries, and use my voice when needed and NOT STUFF IT! Stop stuffing things down just because someone may not like it or not want to hear something uncomfortable.

And my goodness stop taken ownership and fixing things that are others responsibilities. I have to stay on my side of the street in order to keep myself in a healthy place.

Precious one you gotta get the Word on inside of you if want to get to the other side of your problem where FREEDOM is. Meditate on it day and night. Pick one, stay on it till it’s deep in you and them move onto the next one.

Psalm 139:14 I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well.

Song of Solomon 4:7 My darling, everything about you is beautiful, and there is nothing at all wrong with you.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Don’t you know that your body is a temple that belongs to the Holy Spirit? The Holy Spirit, whom you received from God, lives in you. You don’t belong to yourselves. You were bought for a price. So bring glory to God in the way you use your body.

Zephaniah 3:17 For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

You are loved my friend! We all have our issues whether it’s an eating disorder or some other kind of addiction God wants you to turn to Him and let Him help you. He will take what the enemy meant to harm and destroy and use for your good. But it’s up to you to let Him. He calls you holy, righteous, beautiful, and His Trophy of Grace

Love and hugs,

Nicole 💗

Please click the link below and enjoy the song You’ll Come by Hillsong

https://youtu.be/2RmZFaruXhs