Category Archives: Resentment

Pain….Embracing Where You’re At

Pain…don’t you just hate that word? In the last year or so I’m learning to actually embrace the word P A I N. Pain in my body, and pain in my mind and heart.

Culture today tells us to do everything we can to escape any and all pain. That’s why we have so many addictions these days. But let me share a different side to that. If you choose to escape pain and you absolutely can, God will allow you to do that. But it never really goes away it just gets shoved down and you just use different things to numb the pain. You can pick your choice….shopping, food, drugs, alcohol, sex, tv, games, over working, etc. You try and avoid the pain at all cost but it shows up in relationships, work, and your health you just may not realize it.

The thing about numbing one area of pain is it actually numbs more areas if not all areas.

However, if we choose to embrace the pain something else happens, yes it is painful and yes it can take a while especially if you are dealing with any form of trauma. But it’s better to go through the pain than to shove the pain deeper where it grows and festers.

This is where I find myself today fighting through past traumas, embracing the pain, and allowing it to do its perfect work in me.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

In Gods Word it says, “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6

Pain tells us something is going on.

Pain tells us something isn’t right.

Are we listening though or do we shove it down again and again?

I’ve done that myself. I’ve been the Queen of shoving, maybe you have to.

I’m learning that untreated trauma shows up in the body in the form of pain, sickness, and disease. It can show up as migraines, asthma, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, IBS, or autoimmune disease. Very interesting, right? The body keeps the score of what we’ve been through whether we choose to deal with it or not the body does something with it good or bad.

For me I think it started growing up in a broken home and toxic environment. Things and traumas that happened during my younger years and teenage years. I learned to not share and to shove things further because it wasn’t safe to share. Or I never felt safe to share. Maybe you feel that way too. I’d like to encourage you today to begin to take that mask off, find someone to share those things with whether it’s a counselor or someone from your small group or church. Start slow, but just start. Letting those secrets or painful things out of those dark hidden places is extremely difficult but you will feel so much better.

It’s all about being vulnerable. Ehhh, that word, it makes me all squirmy. I don’t like it and yet in order to get the things I need being vulnerable is what has to happen. See people don’t know what’s going on in your heart and mind if you’re don’t tell them. Yea I know, no one wants I do that either, lol.

But YOU ARE WORTH IT!

I AM WORTH IT!

Let’s make this more practical and personal, I’ve had a lot going on in my life the last couple of years, extremely difficult things. But if you know me, you prolly have no idea because I don’t let on that anything is wrong or happening. Let me take it a step further and say why. See growing up, my mother had enough emotions for the both of us. She was EXTREMELY emotional. She freaked out over little things as if they were HUGE things on the daily. She also played the victim so well, even though she would create the situation but she would blame others to get the attention she desired. Makes no sense, right? It was just really difficult. So for me I guess I became numb to emotions because everything was BIG! If that makes sense. I never wanted to be like that and that was one of my fears, being like her. So that’s part of why I shoved things down instead of feeling them on a “real level” not an extreme level like my mom. Also it just wasn’t safe. People around me weren’t safe. It made me more afraid to be vulnerable because I didn’t want people to think I was like her even though I wasn’t.

Exert from Brene Brown about Vulnerability:

The difficult thing is that vulnerability is the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I’m willing to show you. In you, it’s courage and daring. In me, it’s weakness.

This is where shame comes into play. Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think. When we’re fueled by the fear of what other people think or that gremlin that’s constantly whispering “You’re not good enough” in our ear, it’s tough to show up. We end up hustling for our worthiness rather than standing in it.

When we’ve attached our self-worth to what we produce or earn, being real gets dicey.

The good news is that I think people are tired of the hustle – they’re tired of doing it and tired of watching it. We’re hungry for people who have the courage to say, “I need help” or “I own that mistake” or “I’m not willing to define success simply by my title or income any longer.”

Did you catch that at the beginning, being vulnerable for others is courageous and daring but for me it shows weakness. Exactly how I have felt for years. That can be our mindset if we let it. But it absolutely shows more courage to say what we need or desire than to keep going without and feeling less then, resentful, and angry at someone for not knowing what we need. I’m totally speaking to myself on this. See there are times I just need a hug from my husband and I continue to go at life alone in a certain situation. Have you ever been here? I’m challenging myself to be more real and honest in my closest relationships. How about you? Are you willing to ask for what you need? Or does it seem scary to you? It seems scary to me but what’s scarier, staying the same and feeling less than, resentful and angry or stepping out and doing something YOU need and desire.

My friend YOU deserve good things, to be loved and treasured and maybe part of that is stepping out and saying what you need. Do it afraid!

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

I AM WORTH IT!

At 51 years of age, I’m learning to feel all the things. Embrace all the pain and emotions and yes it’s has been really hard but so worth it and so freeing. I have a ways to go but I’m so thankful for the healing journey I’m on. God is a good good Father and He wants to heal you everywhere you hurt. Will you let Him in to do it?

God bless y’all and let me remind you how loved you are and that God has a plan and purpose for you. He desires to heal you so you can go on to help heal others. You have a job to do sweet friend. Get out there and do it! Let’s do it afraid!

Big hug,

Nicole❤️

To Forgive Or Not Forgive…That Is The Question

We all have situations in our lives when we have to choose to forgive. Take a minute and just think of a time where you were wronged or where someone hurt you, you got it? Now remember how it made you feel mentally, spiritually, and physically because it does all 3. It can run the gamut.

What happens when we don’t forgive?

Unforgiveness, pain, or stress can cause heartburn, high blood pressure, migraines, all kinds of sickness, sleep problems, anxiety, depression, and worsen pain. It can also cause us to put up walls, not trust others even when they were not the offender. It can cause us to live in fear, shame, and rejection. Puts distance between you and God, and other people and soooo much more.

Once that offense happens unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, anger, and more can all set in. I’m quite certain we’ve all experienced them at some point in our lives. It’s what we do with when it’s pops it’s ugly head out that matters most.

We can choose to let it makes angry, unhappy, grumpy, miserable, sick, basically it’s like drinking poison and expecting the one who harmed us to die. I’ve been there myself to often and my friend it’s not a fun place to be.

  • Unforgiveness steals your joy.
  • Unforgiveness actually can make your body sick.
  • Unforgiveness also opens the door for the enemy to work in your life.
  • Unforgiveness can hinder your prayer life, and keep your prayers from being answered.

So what’s our other choice? Because we do have another choice, it’s not easy by any means but it is the one that’s best for us and that’s….forgiveness!

I think we get confused, it doesn’t excuse the person or what they did that harmed you, it’s for yourself! It’s for your peace and your joy.

The wrongs that have been done to you can make you bitter or better, but not both. I’m choosing the latter. And yes it’s hard but it’s so worth it!

You may have to do it over and over and over again until one day it just is better and that person or situation no longer has power over you.

I found myself there the other day over a certain situation and I had the choice on what I would do. I’m happy to say after some shed tears, yes Lord 70*7 I choose to forgive, for myself and Lord as hard as it is to say, would You bless my enemies.

Matthew 18:21-22 “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Matthew 5:44 “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

What the enemy meant for harm and to destroy, You Lord will work for my good. It’s a promise!

Obviously, God has something so much better for us. Today I can even say thank you for the situation because it’s just given God more of an opportunity to shine in our lives. It’s all for His glory!

Ya know, I share some of my crazy Jerry Springer things or my brokenness and struggles not to air my dirty laundry or make you feel sorry for me but in hopes that maybe through my pain, my trials I can encourage and help someone else along the way! That’s my hearts desire. I never want my pain or tears to be wasted, and I want Him to receive all the glory. I’ve been through some stuff, just like you but I choose to let it make me better and you can too!

So today, I say choose forgiveness sweet friend, not for them but for yourself. God sees what’s going on in the lives of his precious children and don’t think He will not bring vindication and victory in your lives.

It takes time to restore and it may look different than what you think it should look like. But it’s durning those times of restoration that our faith and trust grows and we grow closer to God.

Never doubt God has a plan, He wasn’t caught off guard by what happened to you. His word says, “He will do exceedingly, abundantly, above and beyond all you could hope, ask or think.” Amen!! He loves you with an everlasting love and He will work it all out for your good.

Have a blessed and wonderful weekend! God bless you!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗