Category Archives: Let go and let God

When You Have A Toxic Relationship With A Parent-Mother/Daughter

This is a subject close to my heart and yet it’s very painful and not something openly talked about. We live in world where where it’s portrayed that there is always good relationships between mother daughter (or parent/child) but sometimes the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. In this world there is brokenness, mental illness, addictions, and just evil. YES it’s sad. YES it’s traumatic. YES it is painful. But it’s still truth. It cannot be denied but it can be dealt with over time.

Sometimes you can do all the things and it’s jusy not enough. You can choose to forgive and turn the other cheek 70*7 like the Bible says and we should but you weren’t called to be a doormat or abused.

In our culture you often hear a parent can go no contact or even disown their child and it’s more acceptable. “Ohhh they were so horrible to their mother or father!” But if a child decides to go no contact with their parent you hear….”you only have one Mom or Dad. You’ll be sorry one day.” Let me just say you have no idea what someone has been through to even get to the point to make such a decision. It took years and years and years and many tears and prayers before I ever made such a decision. Knowing I’d be judged for doing so but also knowing I and my family would have more peace and less drama. People these days have opinions without knowing facts. They spew hurtful words and have no idea what you’ve been through and it’s like being traumatized all over again.

Yes, we are called to forgive. But continue in a toxic relationship in the same manner, NO! Absolutely not! Sometimes no amount of effort on your part or even prayer can heal a relationship with someone who is toxic and has no desire to do different. We don’t want to hear this but in my 51 years, THIS is my experience.

Yes my God is BIGGER than any situation, any circumstance and He can absolutely heal a broken, toxic relationship but BOTH parties have to want it not just one.

When only one party is doing all the work, often times that person is the one also enabling the relationship but may not realize it. This is where we pray “God open MY eyes to do MY part. Help me love how YOU would have me love THIS person and how it would best serve this person.”

What I have found in how to love a toxic, broken person best is sometimes from afar. Sometimes it’s letting them feel the consequences of their behavior. Sometimes they have to walk through their own decisions or trials by themselves simply because you will enable them and try to take away the pain they so desperately need to feel. Pain they’ve tried to escape or put on others. Let me just say upfront how excruciatingly painful this WILL BE sweet one. Letting someone come to grips of who they are, what they’ve done, who they’ve hurt isn’t always pretty and you will want to make them “feel better” but that’s helped keep it going in the first place. Allowing God to do what He needs to do in that persons life is what needs to happen.

Let go and let God.

Sometimes limiting contact or even going no contact is what has to happen. For me I have chosen no contact now for 6 months and it has been hardest most painful thing and yet God has done so much healing in me in this time. There maybe a time when we are reconciled but that isn’t up to me. For now, I’m doing what God has told me to do and focusing on allowing Him to heal those broken place from all the trauma I’ve been through. His desire is for us to be made whole and help others along the way and that’s what I plan to do.

See, you were meant to love, edify, and build up, the problem is relationships work both ways. But it may only be working in one direction. It takes two. In relationships, we care for one another and not tear each other down. We are even selfless at times.

In relationships you love, serve, and give instead of taking all the time or sucking the life out of people. But I have to insert a disclaimer here ****Yes we do all these things but NOT, I repeat NOT to the determinant of our own well-being or mental health. Some people are takers and will take advantage of you, so you have to watch out for this and do what’s best for you.

Don’t be afraid to set boundaries.

The word NO is good and it’s ok to use it. It will feel wrong when you start doing it but it’s OK!

Keep doing it.

Precious one, YOU must take care of yourself so you can be the best version of yourself for you and others.

I am so thankful to God for my healing journey. It’s been very hard and painful. Lots of hard work and I have a long way to go but I will get there. Despite my relationship with my mother, I didn’t have a very close relationship with my dad either but I have a great relationship with my 3 daughters. It is only by the grace of God because I didn’t have that roll model. But I did know how I didn’t want to be and that definitely served me. I know I didn’t do everything right and yes I made mistakes as a mother but God helped me be a better Mom because of what I went through. For that I am soooo thankful for. His grace is perfect and it’s there if you need it.

So let me say if this is you too….my heart goes out to every girl who’s mother isn’t their best friend, as they should be. My heart goes out to every girl who tries to have a healthy relationship with their mother, but can’t. My heart aches for any girl who wishes more than anything they could have a loving relationship with their mother, but no matter how much they try, it just doesn’t work. It’s difficult to understand how traumatic a toxic relationship between mother and daughter truly is, and my heart aches for anyone who’s been unlucky enough to say they understand. *Unknown

As I’m on my healing journey, I’m becoming more open and transparent about things from the past and I know God wants to heal that little girl in me that was so hurt and broken. If this is you my prayer for you is that you do the work sweet friend. Do the hard and painful work. Everyone runs from pain these days but I encourage you to run to the pain, sit with it, embrace it and allow God in to heal it. He has soooo much in store for you, things you can’t imagine. It’s gonna take time. It may take a long time but YOU ARE WORTH IT! You are worthy! You are enough and God loves YOU!!

Big hugs,

Nicole❤️

Joshua 1:9, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Letting Go Of Excess Baggage And Speaking Life To Your Dry Bones

Hey y’all! Hope all my TOG readers are doing great! Another beautiful hot day here in Bama.

So much has been going on in my heart lately, dealing with things and issues from my childhood, past, and present. Things that have made me who I am today. But I realize those things don’t have to keep me broken and stuck in the past. They may have had a hand in who I am but they DO NOT DEFINE ME!

In a counseling session this week, as we were going over my life timeline, and wow that’s a job let me just say. As she would repeat back to me my timeline and the things that have happened to me, I could hear it but it was hard to feel some of it. I don’t know if that makes sense or not? I’d think “Wow, yea that really did happen to me” “Oh and that too, and that too” but I’ve tried so hard in my life to shove things down and not feel the pain or emotions of life, maybe you can relate?

For me, if something happened you couldn’t talk about it….it may hurt a family member or make them angry….forget that it hurt you. That was the message I heard.

Then if you did, your feelings were wrong and not relative. So what does one do especially when you’re a child? Well, you quickly learn what’s acceptable and what’s not and then you learn to SHOVE DOWN EVERYTHING ELSE!

For me an eating disorder developed, it was something I could control, or so I thought.

I carried shame and guilt for things that had been done to me, and later things I had done. But it wasn’t mine to carry, neither is it yours sweet friend.

I have felt alone, numb, unworthy, unloved, unwanted, wrong, insecure, the list can go on and on. Maybe you feel those thing right now. You are not alone precious one, you are in good company. God is with you and He loves you at your darkest! He isn’t scared off by your brokenness, He is just waiting for you to invite Him in.

https://nikhop320.wordpress.com/2018/11/12/i-loved-you-at-your-darkest/

ARE YOU CARRYING THINGS IN YOUR LIFE THAT DON’T BELONG TO YOU?

  • Guilt.
  • Shame
  • Regret
  • Resentment/Unforgiveness
  • Habits/Addictions
  • Anger
  • Past Relationships
  • Stress
  • Worry
  • Anxiety
  • Fear

“And He caused me to pass round about among them, and behold , there were VERY many (human bones) in the open valley or plain, and behold, they were very dry. He said to me, Son of Man can these bones lives? And I answered O Lord God, You know!! Again He said to me, Prophesy to these dry bones and SAY to them, O you dry bones, HEAR THE WORD OF THE LORD. Ezekiel 37:2-4

As I’m on this journey of restoration with God, I’ve realized some things.

One, I’m not alone in this.

Two, I have to let go of the things (or people) I cannot change…I am powerless to fix it but My God is NOT! My God is BIGGER!

And three, the things that need changing, the dry places in my soul….I have to Let Go and Let God.

There’s No Way Around Pain…Feel It And Move Through It

Today, I can say I’m doing a new thing! I don’t always get it right, but thank God I’m not where I use to be.

Those dry places in my soul and in my life, I’m choosing to feel them, be more vulnerable, and speak life to them. You can do the same thing my friend.

If you need something in your life to change, let me remind you when you let God in ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! Healing and restoration are possible and I’ll even go as far to say it’s inevitable. Because where God is, there is LIFE and there is FREEDOM!

There is life and death in the power of your tongue! Speak LIFE!

The same power that raised Christ from the dead, lives IN YOU!!

Speak God’s word out of your mouth every day and call those things that be not as though they are!! Get in agreement with God’s promises!! Your life and circumstances WILL CHANGE!!

Prophesy to those dry bones!! And keep prophesying till what is dead comes to life. Don’t you dare give up!!

God bless you! I’m praying for y’all and I’d love to hear from you.

Big hugs,

Nicole💗

He Makes All Things New

Don’t you just love butterflies? To me it’s a daily reminder that He makes all things new! God has been speaking this to my heart for quite some time. I see butterflies everywhere! In places they shouldn’t be and every time I see them it’s mostly 2’s. I just can’t help but smile. It reminds me of how much He loves us and how he is changing and transforming us every day more into his image and being set free from the things that have held us captive.

The butterfly is such a beautiful creature, but she doesn’t start out that way. She is transformed over time, like you and I. She starts as an egg, a larva (caterpillar), a cocoon and then into a magnificent beautiful butterfly.

That’s kind of how we are on our journey with God. We are being transformed more and more into his image every day. We go from glory to glory. Transformation can be very painful but it’s also worth it! God will never bring anything into your life if He can’t use it for your benefit and His glory! What the enemy meant for harm, God will use for your good.

God loves us too much to let us stay the same. So no matter where you are today or what you’re going through, he’s got you right in the palm of his hand. If you have a wayward child or a loved one, God sees and knows your heart and has heard your prayers. He sees each tear and says “I will restore to you what the enemy has taken. I will give you double for your trouble!”

If you’re sick in your body, HE MAKES ALLLLLL THINGS NEW! Every cell, every organ, every joint, muscle, ligaments, everything must come into the alignment with His word. You are the healed of the Lord! He makes all things new, you claim that for yourself. When you see and feel the symptoms of disease remember by His stripes you are healed and speak His word over your body.

If you are struggling in your marriage, God knows, He sees and he is transforming your spouse, your marriage every day. It may not look like it because transformation is hard, and it’s not easy and it takes time. Sometimes a really really long time! Hang in there precious one.

Letting go and letting God take care of it isn’t easy but He knows what it takes to bring the other person around.

HE BRINGS RESTORATION MY FRIEND!

He turns your morning into dancing. He takes your weeping and turns it into laughing. He takes your sadness and turns it into joy.

So keep your eyes focused on him instead of your problems or situations, I know it’s difficult I’ve been there myself but keep your faith strong.

We have to stir ourselves up sometimes. We walk by faith and not by sight. So be expectant! Get up everyday expecting today is the day!! My breakthrough is coming today! I’m expecting God to do something great today! He makes all things new precious one!

God had you in mind when He created you. He knew what you would do before you did and yet He still created you and loves you with an everlasting love. You are perfect in His sight, you are His Trophy of Grace!

Love and hugs,
Nicole💗

Let Go and Let God

It’s time for repositioning yourself. Let go of the things that you have held on to for so long. The things from your past that keep haunting you and holding you in bondage. Maybe someone spoke horrible things over you like”You are no good” “You’ll never amount to anything” “You’re ugly” and maybe worse. Then you believed it and came into agreement with it, well those are LIES FROM THE ENEMY straight from the pit of hell!!!!

Let me just say YOU are chosen, beautiful, holy, righteous, victorious, justified, redeemed, set free, a new creature IN Christ, FORGIVEN…..I can go on.

When our lives get turned upside down, God is still there, he’s with you. Have you found yourself thinking God, I wasn’t expecting that or I was expecting this and something else happened? I sure have. But sometimes, the very thing that is so bad, the thing that is so painful, the things we think that is coming against us is really what we need and it’s going to work out for us if we let it. But it’s up to us, letting go, and letting God have his way in us.

Releasing old ways of things or thinking and trusting God. It’s not always comfortable and it’s not always easy but embracing the new and allowing God to do what He needs to do to get you where you need to be will be worth it all.

What are you holding onto today? Is there something you need to let go of and let God in so you can make room for what God wants to do in your life? God only wants his very best for you precious one, don’t settle. Whatever you need, He has it and him alone can only truly satisfy. Jesus I need you more❤️🙌🏻

Click the link below to enjoy the song: First and Only- By Elevation Worship

https://g.co/kgs/gH6EMS