Category Archives: Family

When You Have A Toxic Relationship With A Parent-Mother/Daughter

This is a subject close to my heart and yet it’s very painful and not something openly talked about. We live in world where where it’s portrayed that there is always good relationships between mother daughter (or parent/child) but sometimes the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. In this world there is brokenness, mental illness, addictions, and just evil. YES it’s sad. YES it’s traumatic. YES it is painful. But it’s still truth. It cannot be denied but it can be dealt with over time.

Sometimes you can do all the things and it’s jusy not enough. You can choose to forgive and turn the other cheek 70*7 like the Bible says and we should but you weren’t called to be a doormat or abused.

In our culture you often hear a parent can go no contact or even disown their child and it’s more acceptable. “Ohhh they were so horrible to their mother or father!” But if a child decides to go no contact with their parent you hear….”you only have one Mom or Dad. You’ll be sorry one day.” Let me just say you have no idea what someone has been through to even get to the point to make such a decision. It took years and years and years and many tears and prayers before I ever made such a decision. Knowing I’d be judged for doing so but also knowing I and my family would have more peace and less drama. People these days have opinions without knowing facts. They spew hurtful words and have no idea what you’ve been through and it’s like being traumatized all over again.

Yes, we are called to forgive. But continue in a toxic relationship in the same manner, NO! Absolutely not! Sometimes no amount of effort on your part or even prayer can heal a relationship with someone who is toxic and has no desire to do different. We don’t want to hear this but in my 51 years, THIS is my experience.

Yes my God is BIGGER than any situation, any circumstance and He can absolutely heal a broken, toxic relationship but BOTH parties have to want it not just one.

When only one party is doing all the work, often times that person is the one also enabling the relationship but may not realize it. This is where we pray “God open MY eyes to do MY part. Help me love how YOU would have me love THIS person and how it would best serve this person.”

What I have found in how to love a toxic, broken person best is sometimes from afar. Sometimes it’s letting them feel the consequences of their behavior. Sometimes they have to walk through their own decisions or trials by themselves simply because you will enable them and try to take away the pain they so desperately need to feel. Pain they’ve tried to escape or put on others. Let me just say upfront how excruciatingly painful this WILL BE sweet one. Letting someone come to grips of who they are, what they’ve done, who they’ve hurt isn’t always pretty and you will want to make them “feel better” but that’s helped keep it going in the first place. Allowing God to do what He needs to do in that persons life is what needs to happen.

Let go and let God.

Sometimes limiting contact or even going no contact is what has to happen. For me I have chosen no contact now for 6 months and it has been hardest most painful thing and yet God has done so much healing in me in this time. There maybe a time when we are reconciled but that isn’t up to me. For now, I’m doing what God has told me to do and focusing on allowing Him to heal those broken place from all the trauma I’ve been through. His desire is for us to be made whole and help others along the way and that’s what I plan to do.

See, you were meant to love, edify, and build up, the problem is relationships work both ways. But it may only be working in one direction. It takes two. In relationships, we care for one another and not tear each other down. We are even selfless at times.

In relationships you love, serve, and give instead of taking all the time or sucking the life out of people. But I have to insert a disclaimer here ****Yes we do all these things but NOT, I repeat NOT to the determinant of our own well-being or mental health. Some people are takers and will take advantage of you, so you have to watch out for this and do what’s best for you.

Don’t be afraid to set boundaries.

The word NO is good and it’s ok to use it. It will feel wrong when you start doing it but it’s OK!

Keep doing it.

Precious one, YOU must take care of yourself so you can be the best version of yourself for you and others.

I am so thankful to God for my healing journey. It’s been very hard and painful. Lots of hard work and I have a long way to go but I will get there. Despite my relationship with my mother, I didn’t have a very close relationship with my dad either but I have a great relationship with my 3 daughters. It is only by the grace of God because I didn’t have that roll model. But I did know how I didn’t want to be and that definitely served me. I know I didn’t do everything right and yes I made mistakes as a mother but God helped me be a better Mom because of what I went through. For that I am soooo thankful for. His grace is perfect and it’s there if you need it.

So let me say if this is you too….my heart goes out to every girl who’s mother isn’t their best friend, as they should be. My heart goes out to every girl who tries to have a healthy relationship with their mother, but can’t. My heart aches for any girl who wishes more than anything they could have a loving relationship with their mother, but no matter how much they try, it just doesn’t work. It’s difficult to understand how traumatic a toxic relationship between mother and daughter truly is, and my heart aches for anyone who’s been unlucky enough to say they understand. *Unknown

As I’m on my healing journey, I’m becoming more open and transparent about things from the past and I know God wants to heal that little girl in me that was so hurt and broken. If this is you my prayer for you is that you do the work sweet friend. Do the hard and painful work. Everyone runs from pain these days but I encourage you to run to the pain, sit with it, embrace it and allow God in to heal it. He has soooo much in store for you, things you can’t imagine. It’s gonna take time. It may take a long time but YOU ARE WORTH IT! You are worthy! You are enough and God loves YOU!!

Big hugs,

Nicole❤️

Joshua 1:9, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Home For The Holidays- Some Of My Favorite Things

Welcome to the Hopkins Homestead Traditional Christmas.

The smell of Christmas is in the air. Yep you guessed it, Bath And Body Works “Winter” plugs in and their “Fireside” candles are my favorites. I stock up enough to last me all year long.

Did I mention I’m addicted to Bath and Body Works? My husbands jokes and says he’s created a Bath and Body Quicken category in our budget🤣🙈 He simply doesn’t appreciate me, I’m saving him so much money. I only buy them on sale and always have a 20% off coupon….he should thank me😜

My tree isn’t up yet, it has to go in the corner and I have to take my favorite chair out. It will go up first part of December as well as the outside decorations😍😍Yep, that’s a Christmas movie on the TV. I had to have some unexpected surgery last week but I’m gonna say if you have to have surgery this is the best time to recovery, all the Christmas movies on TV, keeps your heart happy and laughter is good medicine.

Our builder put tile around the fireplace but we decided to change it several years ago. We had our Worship Pastor change it out to the stone. It’s the same stone that’s in the church. The same church our daughter was married in. I think it’s just the little touches that no one may even know about that make your house a home. Sweet reminders to me💗

One of the things I always hope you feel when you come in our home is love, joy, and peace. So I try and surround myself with sweet reminders.

I’ve always loved opening our home for family, friends, ladies smalls groups, and company parties. It’s one of the things that makes my heart happy, to serve and love on others.

Another Kirkland’s picture, purchased on clearance a couple years ago.

Actually Kirkland’s has prolly thrown up in my house🤣 Love and Hope 💗💗 There’s a funny conversation piece in the bathroom you can’t see, it’s a Dirty Santa gift……an emoji Pooh 💩 plunger. It always gets the laughs and the occasional text or post🤣🤣🤣I’ve had these little mailboxes since our girls were little. They maybe old but I just can’t part with them. I paid $4.91 for both….after Christmas deal!😱 Store in the original box.

You can’t have Santa 🎅 without a sleigh. The sleigh and present lights up real pretty. A gift from a dear friend.

Special gift from a friend😍

The Sant clause picture below was another after Christmas deal from Kirkland’s a couple years ago, ridiculous price. It’s bigger than it looks. Side note…. I think I need to move my table over, it’s off center 😬

This was a little table I had that was super cute already but I wanted to chalk paint a bedroom set and I had never done it, so I thought I’ll try it out on the table first before I destroyed a bedroom suit, LOL. It actually turned out great, I did it like 4 years ago. Chalk paint is so easy and changes the look of everything.

The little Santa and deer are very special to me because it was my mother in laws, who has since gone on to be with the Lord. We miss her dearly.

I was so excited when I came across that Santa and deer picture at Kirkland’s a couple of years ago, it just made the entrance to our home so much more special to me and a reminder of loved ones who have passed.

This our Snowman ⛄️ it’s on its last leg I think. We bought it the same time as the mailboxes, $4.91 😱 I’ll continue to do what I can to save Frosty ☃️ I love him 😍

A great find from last year on eBay. Vintage Fitz & Floyd Santa cookie jar, perfect condition and original box. So cute and great deal!😍

This guy has always been one of my favorites too, bought him same time as the Snowman and mailboxes. $14.91😱😱😱 Still looks great! The dogs kinda freak out at first and my grand dog, Gus will dart past it like a bolt of lightning because he’s scared of it. He’s a bulldog with irrational fears 🤣 It’s so funny.

New gift from a precious friend. It’s very special to me😇

These jars get used all time, I just change the look for different seasons. Bought them years ago from Kirkland’s. Would love to find another set somewhere.

The red polka dot gift is actually doubles as a drink dispenser, it’s just too cute to not use as decoration. Another after Christmas deal years ago. I think we paid $4.91 or $9.91. Either way it was a steal! I always think of the Grinch when I see it for some reason. I love the Grinch with Jim Carey.

The little hot chocolate station doesn’t look as cute as usual, it’s just out. There’s so much more stuff in the attic I couldn’t get it all down and go through. But it will get the job done this year. I keep Hershey kisses in there but it might be missing a few 😉😋

It’s Elf, need I say more! 🎄😍 My oldest daughter bought me the picture a few years ago. I love it! The Elf candy dish I got at Hobby Lobby last year….it might be missing some candy too😉

#TheTable, many a meal has been ate here with family and friends. Old stories told over and over and new ones. Lots of games, birthdays, and holidays.

This is one of the many things my ever so talented middle daughter has made me. Love it so much!

This is another things she’s done for me. I love it😍

There’s so many things you can do to make your house feel like a home and don’t cost that much. Especially when you have a daughter with a silhouette 😉 But seriously you can find this kinda stuff on Amazon, Etsy, and other online sites. Buy and apply and it just makes it so homey.

A fresh coat of paint can completely change a room.

Throw pillows on your couch and if your tired of your olds ones now you can buy pillow slip covers. Or even go on Pinterest to show you how to make them. How easy is that?!?!

I love some Kirkland’s too, I mean really who can resist?!?! You can always find good sales and coupons for them.

Then there’s TJ Maxx, Hobby Lobby, Home Goods….Ohhhh my word! It’s like Heaven.

Hope you enjoyed our little Home For The Holidays and Some Of My Favorite Things.

Making your house a home can be so fun and honestly not so expensive if you are patient and look for sales…..you can create you and your family a little haven. Something you love coming home too and sharing with others.

I also suggest saving some monies for after Christmas shopping, you truly can get some of the best deals! Just FYI 😉

I hope this holiday season is filled with love, peace, and joy. God bless you sweet friends! Happy early Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗