Pain….Embracing Where You’re At

Pain…don’t you just hate that word? In the last year or so I’m learning to actually embrace the word P A I N. Pain in my body, and pain in my mind and heart.

Culture today tells us to do everything we can to escape any and all pain. That’s why we have so many addictions these days. But let me share a different side to that. If you choose to escape pain and you absolutely can, God will allow you to do that. But it never really goes away it just gets shoved down and you just use different things to numb the pain. You can pick your choice….shopping, food, drugs, alcohol, sex, tv, games, over working, etc. You try and avoid the pain at all cost but it shows up in relationships, work, and your health you just may not realize it.

The thing about numbing one area of pain is it actually numbs more areas if not all areas.

However, if we choose to embrace the pain something else happens, yes it is painful and yes it can take a while especially if you are dealing with any form of trauma. But it’s better to go through the pain than to shove the pain deeper where it grows and festers.

This is where I find myself today fighting through past traumas, embracing the pain, and allowing it to do its perfect work in me.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

In Gods Word it says, “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6

Pain tells us something is going on.

Pain tells us something isn’t right.

Are we listening though or do we shove it down again and again?

I’ve done that myself. I’ve been the Queen of shoving, maybe you have to.

I’m learning that untreated trauma shows up in the body in the form of pain, sickness, and disease. It can show up as migraines, asthma, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, IBS, or autoimmune disease. Very interesting, right? The body keeps the score of what we’ve been through whether we choose to deal with it or not the body does something with it good or bad.

For me I think it started growing up in a broken home and toxic environment. Things and traumas that happened during my younger years and teenage years. I learned to not share and to shove things further because it wasn’t safe to share. Or I never felt safe to share. Maybe you feel that way too. I’d like to encourage you today to begin to take that mask off, find someone to share those things with whether it’s a counselor or someone from your small group or church. Start slow, but just start. Letting those secrets or painful things out of those dark hidden places is extremely difficult but you will feel so much better.

It’s all about being vulnerable. Ehhh, that word, it makes me all squirmy. I don’t like it and yet in order to get the things I need being vulnerable is what has to happen. See people don’t know what’s going on in your heart and mind if you’re don’t tell them. Yea I know, no one wants I do that either, lol.

But YOU ARE WORTH IT!

I AM WORTH IT!

Let’s make this more practical and personal, I’ve had a lot going on in my life the last couple of years, extremely difficult things. But if you know me, you prolly have no idea because I don’t let on that anything is wrong or happening. Let me take it a step further and say why. See growing up, my mother had enough emotions for the both of us. She was EXTREMELY emotional. She freaked out over little things as if they were HUGE things on the daily. She also played the victim so well, even though she would create the situation but she would blame others to get the attention she desired. Makes no sense, right? It was just really difficult. So for me I guess I became numb to emotions because everything was BIG! If that makes sense. I never wanted to be like that and that was one of my fears, being like her. So that’s part of why I shoved things down instead of feeling them on a “real level” not an extreme level like my mom. Also it just wasn’t safe. People around me weren’t safe. It made me more afraid to be vulnerable because I didn’t want people to think I was like her even though I wasn’t.

Exert from Brene Brown about Vulnerability:

The difficult thing is that vulnerability is the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I’m willing to show you. In you, it’s courage and daring. In me, it’s weakness.

This is where shame comes into play. Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think. When we’re fueled by the fear of what other people think or that gremlin that’s constantly whispering “You’re not good enough” in our ear, it’s tough to show up. We end up hustling for our worthiness rather than standing in it.

When we’ve attached our self-worth to what we produce or earn, being real gets dicey.

The good news is that I think people are tired of the hustle – they’re tired of doing it and tired of watching it. We’re hungry for people who have the courage to say, “I need help” or “I own that mistake” or “I’m not willing to define success simply by my title or income any longer.”

Did you catch that at the beginning, being vulnerable for others is courageous and daring but for me it shows weakness. Exactly how I have felt for years. That can be our mindset if we let it. But it absolutely shows more courage to say what we need or desire than to keep going without and feeling less then, resentful, and angry at someone for not knowing what we need. I’m totally speaking to myself on this. See there are times I just need a hug from my husband and I continue to go at life alone in a certain situation. Have you ever been here? I’m challenging myself to be more real and honest in my closest relationships. How about you? Are you willing to ask for what you need? Or does it seem scary to you? It seems scary to me but what’s scarier, staying the same and feeling less than, resentful and angry or stepping out and doing something YOU need and desire.

My friend YOU deserve good things, to be loved and treasured and maybe part of that is stepping out and saying what you need. Do it afraid!

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

I AM WORTH IT!

At 51 years of age, I’m learning to feel all the things. Embrace all the pain and emotions and yes it’s has been really hard but so worth it and so freeing. I have a ways to go but I’m so thankful for the healing journey I’m on. God is a good good Father and He wants to heal you everywhere you hurt. Will you let Him in to do it?

God bless y’all and let me remind you how loved you are and that God has a plan and purpose for you. He desires to heal you so you can go on to help heal others. You have a job to do sweet friend. Get out there and do it! Let’s do it afraid!

Big hug,

Nicole❤️

When You Have A Toxic Relationship With A Parent-Mother/Daughter

This is a subject close to my heart and yet it’s very painful and not something openly talked about. We live in world where where it’s portrayed that there is always good relationships between mother daughter (or parent/child) but sometimes the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. In this world there is brokenness, mental illness, addictions, and just evil. YES it’s sad. YES it’s traumatic. YES it is painful. But it’s still truth. It cannot be denied but it can be dealt with over time.

Sometimes you can do all the things and it’s jusy not enough. You can choose to forgive and turn the other cheek 70*7 like the Bible says and we should but you weren’t called to be a doormat or abused.

In our culture you often hear a parent can go no contact or even disown their child and it’s more acceptable. “Ohhh they were so horrible to their mother or father!” But if a child decides to go no contact with their parent you hear….”you only have one Mom or Dad. You’ll be sorry one day.” Let me just say you have no idea what someone has been through to even get to the point to make such a decision. It took years and years and years and many tears and prayers before I ever made such a decision. Knowing I’d be judged for doing so but also knowing I and my family would have more peace and less drama. People these days have opinions without knowing facts. They spew hurtful words and have no idea what you’ve been through and it’s like being traumatized all over again.

Yes, we are called to forgive. But continue in a toxic relationship in the same manner, NO! Absolutely not! Sometimes no amount of effort on your part or even prayer can heal a relationship with someone who is toxic and has no desire to do different. We don’t want to hear this but in my 51 years, THIS is my experience.

Yes my God is BIGGER than any situation, any circumstance and He can absolutely heal a broken, toxic relationship but BOTH parties have to want it not just one.

When only one party is doing all the work, often times that person is the one also enabling the relationship but may not realize it. This is where we pray “God open MY eyes to do MY part. Help me love how YOU would have me love THIS person and how it would best serve this person.”

What I have found in how to love a toxic, broken person best is sometimes from afar. Sometimes it’s letting them feel the consequences of their behavior. Sometimes they have to walk through their own decisions or trials by themselves simply because you will enable them and try to take away the pain they so desperately need to feel. Pain they’ve tried to escape or put on others. Let me just say upfront how excruciatingly painful this WILL BE sweet one. Letting someone come to grips of who they are, what they’ve done, who they’ve hurt isn’t always pretty and you will want to make them “feel better” but that’s helped keep it going in the first place. Allowing God to do what He needs to do in that persons life is what needs to happen.

Let go and let God.

Sometimes limiting contact or even going no contact is what has to happen. For me I have chosen no contact now for 6 months and it has been hardest most painful thing and yet God has done so much healing in me in this time. There maybe a time when we are reconciled but that isn’t up to me. For now, I’m doing what God has told me to do and focusing on allowing Him to heal those broken place from all the trauma I’ve been through. His desire is for us to be made whole and help others along the way and that’s what I plan to do.

See, you were meant to love, edify, and build up, the problem is relationships work both ways. But it may only be working in one direction. It takes two. In relationships, we care for one another and not tear each other down. We are even selfless at times.

In relationships you love, serve, and give instead of taking all the time or sucking the life out of people. But I have to insert a disclaimer here ****Yes we do all these things but NOT, I repeat NOT to the determinant of our own well-being or mental health. Some people are takers and will take advantage of you, so you have to watch out for this and do what’s best for you.

Don’t be afraid to set boundaries.

The word NO is good and it’s ok to use it. It will feel wrong when you start doing it but it’s OK!

Keep doing it.

Precious one, YOU must take care of yourself so you can be the best version of yourself for you and others.

I am so thankful to God for my healing journey. It’s been very hard and painful. Lots of hard work and I have a long way to go but I will get there. Despite my relationship with my mother, I didn’t have a very close relationship with my dad either but I have a great relationship with my 3 daughters. It is only by the grace of God because I didn’t have that roll model. But I did know how I didn’t want to be and that definitely served me. I know I didn’t do everything right and yes I made mistakes as a mother but God helped me be a better Mom because of what I went through. For that I am soooo thankful for. His grace is perfect and it’s there if you need it.

So let me say if this is you too….my heart goes out to every girl who’s mother isn’t their best friend, as they should be. My heart goes out to every girl who tries to have a healthy relationship with their mother, but can’t. My heart aches for any girl who wishes more than anything they could have a loving relationship with their mother, but no matter how much they try, it just doesn’t work. It’s difficult to understand how traumatic a toxic relationship between mother and daughter truly is, and my heart aches for anyone who’s been unlucky enough to say they understand. *Unknown

As I’m on my healing journey, I’m becoming more open and transparent about things from the past and I know God wants to heal that little girl in me that was so hurt and broken. If this is you my prayer for you is that you do the work sweet friend. Do the hard and painful work. Everyone runs from pain these days but I encourage you to run to the pain, sit with it, embrace it and allow God in to heal it. He has soooo much in store for you, things you can’t imagine. It’s gonna take time. It may take a long time but YOU ARE WORTH IT! You are worthy! You are enough and God loves YOU!!

Big hugs,

Nicole❤️

Joshua 1:9, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Tribute to Gus

Hey y’all! Just a few days ago we unexpectedly lost a very precious member of our family, Gus. The last year has been tough on him. He had been battling an autoimmune condition called pemphigus and then we found out he had lymphoma a week or 2 ago. Our hearts are beyond broken.

Little Gus man brought so much happiness and joy to our family. He was such a lover, always demanding attention. If you stopped petting him he would take his paw and hit you with it repeatedly to say “Hey you human, pet me some more.” LOL🤣

Me and Gussy had a special relationship, see I was G’mama and you know grandma gives all the loves, snuggles, and treats. Not a whole hot dog, lol, but little bites, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner plates he loved so much. Special bakery dog treats and cakes cus that’s how G’mama rolls.

I will miss the times when I would call or text Kayla and say “Gus told me he wanted a sleepover” and she would laugh and say ‘he told you that?’ Then I would go get him and it would turn into a 3 night sleepover lol. Those were the best. When it was time for bed he liked to snuggle right up in left arm and snore in my ear….not just any snore though….he had that loud bulldog snore😳 So between him and my hubby it would be an ear plug night but the best night🤣🙉

I will miss when he would come over and him runny up my stairs to greet us so excited and wiggling his little butt. He was so stinkin’ cute. He would greet me with a love nip to my chin lol. You had to watch him with that, he could leave you with a battle scar. He just loved chins for some crazy reason 🤣😘

That boy loved to lay on his back and scoot right up on you. He would lay there forever.

Gus was so gentle with the littles too, I swear he had the patience of Job. He would let them do whatever they wanted to him and he loved it.

Gus man, we miss you terribly. G’mama loves you SOOOO much. You blessed us and brought us so much joy. I know you are in heaven now and no more suffering. I’m so thankful you had a welcoming party waiting for you. Baby, Dixie, and Zeus, they were happy to see you. I know Zeus was glad to finally meet you. We will see you again little man, until then just like G’mama always did when you left, I’m whispering in your ear how much I love you.

Miss you buddy. RIP Gus❤️🌈

Mommy and Daddy miss you terribly but you were the perfect dog for our family. They took amazing care of you….all the trips to the vet, the medicine, the constant love and care and you loved them right back. It was a perfect fit. You were definitely a gift from God little buddy.

A huge thank you to Galleria Animal Clinic, Dr. Bordon, Dr. Nicki, Amelia, Jana, Karen and all the staff, you guys are truly the BEST humans!! I’ve never known a vet that cared as much as y’all and always going FARRRR ABOVE AND BEYOND what is expected. From the bottom of my heart thank you….it really isn’t enough. God bless you abundantly and richly bless you. You truly are angels in disguise.

Hope you guys enjoy my special tribute of our special Gussy. Please keep my daughter and SIL and the rest of our family in your prayers.

Big hugs,

Nicole❤️

When Gus first came home. G’mama was soooo happy😍
Stud muffin 😍
When Bella first meets Gus🤣
I was recovering from surgery and Gus wanted to sit with me but couldn’t.
Gus: I know you don’t feel good G’mama and your recovering from surgery but I still love you and need snuggles🤣 and maybe a chin nibble🤣🙄
Gus waving 👋
Pumpkin 1 and Pumpkin 2🤣🤣
Nom nom nom😋
G’mama sure knows how to throw a party
Easter bunny came💗

Miracle of the Moment

Miracle of the moment….Joyce was talking about that today. It was really good. I think so often we are just so busy just going through the motions we often miss so much or we are aggravated when things don’t go our way. We don’t realizing God might actually have a purpose and plan for the little hiccups of life.

That was yesterday for me, ohhhhh but I realized right when it happened. I was supposed to meet my dad for lunch yesterday at 11:30 but I had to go and pick up my truck from the car place first. Which let me just say how excited I was to pick it up😍 They had it FOREVER! But they blessed me with a rental. Anywho, so I had to stop and fill it up first before taking it back. I went to leave the gas station and I couldn’t get the key to work lol🤣🙈 I literally sat there 10 minutes trying to get the key to turn over. It was ridiculous. I just chuckled to myself and said out loud ‘Well, the Lord must be protecting me from a wreck or something’ and just moved on. Got to the car place and they took SOOO LONG! They didn’t do a credit, had to look into it, the normal person wasn’t there, etc. Basically, it all made me 30 mins late.

Dad and I were sitting in my truck eating lunch at Chick-fil-A with our windows down and this man walks up and asks if I had jumper cables, his battery had died while he was eating lunch in his car. I was like YESSS! I do and hopped out and got them. I said to him it’s your lucky day I was running 30 mins late otherwise I wouldn’t have been here. He prolly thought I was crazy but he didn’t know all the things that had happened. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure someone else could’ve or would’ve helped him but it just reminds me that God is in the details. He was in that moment where I couldn’t get that stupid key to work. He was there at the car place where they took soooo long to get me my truck. He arranges things, and he will set you up to be in the right place at the right time.

I know this was just a small incident but it still shows me just how BIG my God is. See my friend, He does order our steps just like the Word says. Yesterday, I was able to help someone in just a small way but God ministered to me in that moment in such a BIG way.

Don’t miss the miracle of moment. When things aren’t going your way today, tomorrow, next week, remember God orders our steps and He arranges things we don’t see.

Maybe you had car trouble, but maybe God protected you from an accident.

Maybe that cashier is new and sloooow but maybe you are there to encourage them.

Maybe you are 30 minutes late for a lunch date and your mad at yourself but maybe you were late to help and be blessing to someone else.

It’s the miracle of moment. Don’t miss what God is doing around you sweet friend.

Hope you have a blessed and wonderful day!

Big hugs,

Nicole❤️